I'm just taking a minute to introduce myself. I've been addicted to porn since I was a teenager. I'm now 44. I never realized I had a problem until my fiancee found my search history and almost left me because of it. I have made an appointment to see a therapist but have not seen them yet. I've been horrible to my partner and cause distrust and lots of pain in our relationship. I've made her feel like she was never enough for me. I never meant to make her feel this way and love her more than anything in the world. I'm like 2 different people at times. The person I am when I'm with her is the man I want to be but then there is the other side who is addicted to the porn. I've paid for women online to sext me and have also talked to girls on a cam site. It's not like I ever wanted to meet these people or anything. I've never physically cheated on my fiancee but this addiction has led to emotional cheating and pain. I've sexualized women for far too long and trying to change my mindset and how i view them. I'm trying to do better now because the thought of losing my fiancee would destroy me. I have not looked at any porn in at least 2 weeks. My fiancee believes though if I had a true addiction then I wouldn't be able to go that long. I've ruined her trust in me and I don't blame her for not believing me. I'm currently sick at home with covid and I know she feels like I'm just sitting around watching porn all day. I do still have urges to watch but like I told her my focus is on myself, her and our family and have refrained from doing so. They are all more important to me than this addiction. Any advice on how to help me get through this difficult time or from people who been through similar things would be appreciated.