A day at a time getting back to reality!
- Thread starter Ap26
- Start date
I just realised that my first post didn't work 
only posted a sentence!
Anyway here at day two, I am really trying to focus on one day at a time. This is not the first attempt at a reboot. I have been trying (probably not hard enough though) for about a year to stop this. Don't have full on PIED but noticeably much less turned on by reality than by the screen. To the extent of looking forward to evening when girlfriend is out so I can look at porn. Much harder when looking at porn, whilst I can still get it up with the girlfriend, I can tell its only a matter of time before I cant.
Also tastes in porn are disturbing me, nothing normal works anymore. So not only is there the PIED concerns but also shame, guilt and isolation around the material!
I am also is recovery from various substances. I know that prayer and mediation has gotten me a long way as far as they go. This is less life threatening though and as I result I suppose I am less desperate to stop. I hope that I have reached my rock bottom with this stuff.
I have found with previous reboots that the first few days, maybe a week max, I feel great and confident but then I start losing all concentration, feel really irritable, especially with my girlfriend and before I know it I have gone back to porn. With all its problems it does as least temporarily stop that irritability.
Anyway grateful this forum is here! Wish you all well on your journeys. A day at a time this is doable!
only posted a sentence!Anyway here at day two, I am really trying to focus on one day at a time. This is not the first attempt at a reboot. I have been trying (probably not hard enough though) for about a year to stop this. Don't have full on PIED but noticeably much less turned on by reality than by the screen. To the extent of looking forward to evening when girlfriend is out so I can look at porn. Much harder when looking at porn, whilst I can still get it up with the girlfriend, I can tell its only a matter of time before I cant.
Also tastes in porn are disturbing me, nothing normal works anymore. So not only is there the PIED concerns but also shame, guilt and isolation around the material!
I am also is recovery from various substances. I know that prayer and mediation has gotten me a long way as far as they go. This is less life threatening though and as I result I suppose I am less desperate to stop. I hope that I have reached my rock bottom with this stuff.
I have found with previous reboots that the first few days, maybe a week max, I feel great and confident but then I start losing all concentration, feel really irritable, especially with my girlfriend and before I know it I have gone back to porn. With all its problems it does as least temporarily stop that irritability.
Anyway grateful this forum is here! Wish you all well on your journeys. A day at a time this is doable!
Right nuclear option time. I need advice though! I found with quitting other substances once I got to about a month I had a much better chance of maintaining through meditation and lifestyle change.
My issue is getting through that first few days. what can you suggest?? I have tried blocker like k9 and stuff but they are really quite a hindrance as far as using the internet for anything goes. What do you do to get through that first couple of weeks??
My issue is getting through that first few days. what can you suggest?? I have tried blocker like k9 and stuff but they are really quite a hindrance as far as using the internet for anything goes. What do you do to get through that first couple of weeks??
M
MindOverMatter67
Guest
perseverence
"Just continue in your calm, ordinary practice and your character will be built up." - D.T. Suzuki
"Just continue in your calm, ordinary practice and your character will be built up." - D.T. Suzuki
Ok so actually feels quite good so far. Have had normal sex with girlfriend and have no looked at porn over the weekend. All good. However already have that little feeling of restlessness and distractibility and my head is starting to tell me - I know what will fix this.
I can feel the addiction. Sitting at work and have pulled myself back from a few threads I was following via facebook that seemed totally harmless, but its that random clicking and following links that eventually always leads to that same place. So instead of following those links I thought I would write on here.
I am 27 years old and have been addicted (without realising it) to porn for a long I am not sure exactly when I started but it has been going on fro as long as I have had access to a laptop. I am also a recovering crack/heroin addict. I have been clean from all mind altering substances for just over two years now.
The times spent using I had no real interest in porn (or sex or anything besides getting high tbh) but every time I would get clean it would be one of the things I look forward to the most, much more than real sex. I would be like well I cant get high but at least I can look at porn! I didn't see any problem with it and was always justifying myself thinking, if i'm not sticking needles in myself then who cares. Well after two years clean I have realised I care! It is exactly the same feeling as drug addiction. My frontal cortex struggling with the rewired reptilian bit of the brain. No matter how much I may rationally want to stop looking at porn it will eventually be overtaken by the notion that this time it will be different and that I am justified in doing it again. But in the same way as drugs I need more and more to get the same hit. So end up with morphing taste in porn, which has gotten to the extent I feel real shame and guilt after every time. Starting off a familiar patter of self hatred and self obsession.
What I have come to realise though is that this addiction has lasted longer than any of he drugs and is so far almost harder to beat. I found that the only way to stop the drugs was via a program and outside help. Most importantly forming a relationship with a higher power or God or whatever you would like to call it.
So I see this forum as the outside help. YBOP has taught me a lot about the nature of this addiction and reading your stories has inspired me, and given me hope that this is going to be worth it. As I see it I can either stop or slowly lose that connection to God and eventually pick up drugs again. I am pretty sure that if I do that I will die. So in a very real sense this is a life and death mission to get my soul back!
On a positive note in a few short days feel more confident, love myself a little more and feel more connected to reality. I am excited to see what this reboot can do for my thinking. Loving the gym at the minute, and keeping active in general. I think all that helps - that and trying to connect with you guys on the same mission as me!
Anyway sorry for rambling but seemed like a better option that random clicking. Wishing you all the best on your respective journeys.
I can feel the addiction. Sitting at work and have pulled myself back from a few threads I was following via facebook that seemed totally harmless, but its that random clicking and following links that eventually always leads to that same place. So instead of following those links
I thought I would write on here.I am 27 years old and have been addicted (without realising it) to porn for a long I am not sure exactly when I started but it has been going on fro as long as I have had access to a laptop. I am also a recovering crack/heroin addict. I have been clean from all mind altering substances for just over two years now.
The times spent using I had no real interest in porn (or sex or anything besides getting high tbh) but every time I would get clean it would be one of the things I look forward to the most, much more than real sex. I would be like well I cant get high but at least I can look at porn! I didn't see any problem with it and was always justifying myself thinking, if i'm not sticking needles in myself then who cares. Well after two years clean I have realised I care! It is exactly the same feeling as drug addiction. My frontal cortex struggling with the rewired reptilian bit of the brain. No matter how much I may rationally want to stop looking at porn it will eventually be overtaken by the notion that this time it will be different and that I am justified in doing it again. But in the same way as drugs I need more and more to get the same hit. So end up with morphing taste in porn, which has gotten to the extent I feel real shame and guilt after every time. Starting off a familiar patter of self hatred and self obsession.
What I have come to realise though is that this addiction has lasted longer than any of he drugs and is so far almost harder to beat. I found that the only way to stop the drugs was via a program and outside help. Most importantly forming a relationship with a higher power or God or whatever you would like to call it.
So I see this forum as the outside help. YBOP has taught me a lot about the nature of this addiction and reading your stories has inspired me, and given me hope that this is going to be worth it. As I see it I can either stop or slowly lose that connection to God and eventually pick up drugs again. I am pretty sure that if I do that I will die. So in a very real sense this is a life and death mission to get my soul back!
On a positive note in a few short days feel more confident, love myself a little more and feel more connected to reality. I am excited to see what this reboot can do for my thinking. Loving the gym at the minute, and keeping active in general. I think all that helps - that and trying to connect with you guys on the same mission as me!
Anyway sorry for rambling but seemed like a better option that random clicking. Wishing you all the best on your respective journeys.
5 days - feeling pretty good as far as the obsession to watch porn goes. Feel like I have reached a bit of acceptance that I cant watch it, doesnt feel like an option.
What I am struggling with is the dip in my mood and particularly the dip in my reaction to my girlfriend. I feel pretty disinterested in sex in general. I told her last night that I was quitting porn and that as a result felt a bit depressed and stuff. Which she kind of lauged at but more in the way she identified with it as she used to watch it a lot and then stopped. I haven't yet told her that its affecting how sexually interested in her I am though as I am confident that this will get better as my brain rewires its self!! Hope that happens quite soon though or at least that it doesn't get too much worse!
What I am struggling with is the dip in my mood and particularly the dip in my reaction to my girlfriend. I feel pretty disinterested in sex in general. I told her last night that I was quitting porn and that as a result felt a bit depressed and stuff. Which she kind of lauged at but more in the way she identified with it as she used to watch it a lot and then stopped. I haven't yet told her that its affecting how sexually interested in her I am though as I am confident that this will get better as my brain rewires its self!! Hope that happens quite soon though or at least that it doesn't get too much worse!
Penisphoenix
Member
When you said, "i know what will happen soon" (talking about getting ED) that was you weighing the pros and cons of this addiction we face. But like LS90 said, youve beaten terrible addictions in the past, so you can beat this too. Honestly answer this question: how many people do you know that QUIT crack and QUIT heroin? Everyone I know that got into that stuff (and meth) CANNOT QUIT. But you did. You have what it takes. You are your own man. You dont belong to anyone or anything, so what you do is YOUR choice. Thats a lot of power if you ask me.
Whenever youre feeling shitty about it, just remember, the only way to climb a flight of stairs is one step at a time.
Good luck, even though i know you dont need it bc youre a powerful man!
Whenever youre feeling shitty about it, just remember, the only way to climb a flight of stairs is one step at a time.
Good luck, even though i know you dont need it bc youre a powerful man!
Hey thanks that means a lot you know. Addiction is not an easy thing be it drugs or porn or whatever else it might be. In some ways though drugs are easier to talk about, maybe because its harder to hide. This forum has been the first place I have been able to honestly talk about this without it being laughed off as not important.
You know though on a positive vibe, Penisphoenix I do know a lot of people who have overcome addiction to every drug under the sun. Any addiction can be arrested - it just cant be done alone. Need other people to relate to and gain strength from so again -
Thanks for you support!
You know though on a positive vibe, Penisphoenix
I do know a lot of people who have overcome addiction to every drug under the sun. Any addiction can be arrested - it just cant be done alone. Need other people to relate to and gain strength from so again -Thanks for you support!
Another day, down. Feeling quite good today which I think is because I have actually made a decision for once that I am going to stick this out. So I have accepted that it doesn't matter how I feel I am going to get through a minimum 30 days.
Need that acceptance though because I do feel a real drop in my libido and interest in sex in general. Which feel a bit strange - however if I look at the amount of time I spent thinking about sex before, then perhaps this is actually closer to sanity! I feel more productive for sure. Just a wee bit bored - but hey - have faith and looking at other experience, I believe it will be worth it. At the end of the day the porn isn't going anywhere, so if I wanted to go back I could - but I don't. Good day so far feeling positive
Need that acceptance though because I do feel a real drop in my libido and interest in sex in general. Which feel a bit strange - however if I look at the amount of time I spent thinking about sex before, then perhaps this is actually closer to sanity! I feel more productive for sure. Just a wee bit bored - but hey - have faith and looking at other experience, I believe it will be worth it. At the end of the day the porn isn't going anywhere, so if I wanted to go back I could - but I don't. Good day so far feeling positive
Monday morning and ten days without looking at porn. I gotta say results from this are already fairly great there has been a few times of temptation though. My brain feels wired to a certain response to a situation, the worst for me has been knowing I am alone in the flat for a while. Girlfriend went out and instantly get that rush of excitement thinking about it - but didn't do it. Instead I thought about it being an obsession of the mind and as soon as my head had realised it wasn't happening the obsession went away. Feel great for resisting the temptation.
Positives already as well, feel happier in general, feel much more connected with my girl, sex has been pretty amazing - although id still say need to go a long way before excitement is the same as P. Also more energy at the gym. I even think my skin may be improving - have had acne the last year, Im 27 and I thought that was a thing of the past.
Anyway only 10 days but feeling pretty happy about it so far. Hope all your journeys are going well!
there has been a few times of temptation though. My brain feels wired to a certain response to a situation, the worst for me has been knowing I am alone in the flat for a while. Girlfriend went out and instantly get that rush of excitement thinking about it - but didn't do it. Instead I thought about it being an obsession of the mind and as soon as my head had realised it wasn't happening the obsession went away. Feel great for resisting the temptation.Positives already as well, feel happier in general, feel much more connected with my girl, sex has been pretty amazing - although id still say need to go a long way before excitement is the same as P. Also more energy at the gym. I even think my skin may be improving - have had acne the last year, Im 27 and I thought that was a thing of the past.
Anyway only 10 days but feeling pretty happy about it so far. Hope all your journeys are going well!
Haven't posted on here for a few days and it has had an adverse effect on my reboot for sure. Have not PMOed but I have been following a line that will lead to that. Kind of got it in my head that is it was just models then it was fine - which it clearly isn't. Downloaded this video watched about 10 seconds and then realised its not about the amount of clothes involved its the fact its artificial stimulation for my brain. SO - deleted video and now I'm posting on here.
I will need some focus to get through this evening as I have set my brain in a direction - and my girlfriend is out tonight. Plan is to go to the gym and then cook a nice meal - as opposed to wasting hours in front of the laptop and ending the night resetting my counter with that old feeling of shame and guilt!
On a positive flex though the reboot has been going really well other than this afternoon - I have more of an attention span, I am harder with my girl (still a long way to go though) I do feel like I am making progress and I am committed to this plan! Just gotta do it a day at a time I guess. Feel good and don't want to feel bad - PMO will lead to feeling ad, rebooting will lead to feeling good - simple really eh if only my head worked like that all would be so easy!!
I will need some focus to get through this evening as I have set my brain in a direction - and my girlfriend is out tonight. Plan is to go to the gym and then cook a nice meal - as opposed to wasting hours in front of the laptop and ending the night resetting my counter with that old feeling of shame and guilt!
On a positive flex though the reboot has been going really well other than this afternoon - I have more of an attention span, I am harder with my girl (still a long way to go though) I do feel like I am making progress and I am committed to this plan! Just gotta do it a day at a time I guess. Feel good and don't want to feel bad - PMO will lead to feeling ad, rebooting will lead to feeling good - simple really eh
if only my head worked like that all would be so easy!! Really gutted about this relapse - was going really well I felt. I have learnt though that the path back to PMO really does start way before looking at porn.
Relapsed last night - twice then again this morning. Pretty grim. But I am determined to get back on track - starting now. 30 days - and then see how I feel!!
Relapsed last night - twice then again this morning. Pretty grim. But I am determined to get back on track - starting now. 30 days - and then see how I feel!!
Ah this is a bit of a nightmare. Its so hard with that chaser affect. Its never just once. I need to keep in my head that i cannot just pick up where i left off - it so hard to get stopped if you know what I mean - its a lot easier after a few days to stay away from P but the day after relapse its almost automatic.
Im feeling pretty disheartened right now with all this. Think one of you said it before - PERSEVERANCE! need some outside help on this
Im feeling pretty disheartened right now with all this. Think one of you said it before - PERSEVERANCE!
need some outside help on this
fightthefight
Active Member
Cheers for your message man. Really appreciate it. I can relate to what you said about porn tastes changing and "normal" porn no longer doing it. My tastes have changed from normal to more unusual tastes and I don't like where it is heading because it doesn't reflect who I really am.
Write off this relapse and start afresh again. You can do it. It's good to see you got to 2 weeks - the first two weeks are often the hardest. It proves you can do it, and if two weeks, then you can go even further. Keep going with this - picking ourselves up each time is the difference between success and failure!
Write off this relapse and start afresh again. You can do it. It's good to see you got to 2 weeks - the first two weeks are often the hardest. It proves you can do it, and if two weeks, then you can go even further. Keep going with this - picking ourselves up each time is the difference between success and failure!