A day at a time getting back to reality!

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Ap26

Member
Seriously getting depressed by this now. I was doing alright for a while but then relapsed and can't get back on the reboot. It always follows same pattern. material keeps escalating, I feel more and more fuct up and stressed. Then want to deal with that feeling with more porn. Horrible cycle. I know it sounds extreme but i start feeling suicidal with this shit!
All I can do is get back on that horse - tomorrow is the first porn free day of at least 1 month.

Hope all u are doing well on this journey!
 
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Ap26

Member
Ok so again starting - it is crazy how hard it is to just get a few days once you go back and reset. I had a few weeks and then though t - ah what the harm in once. Now I cant get past two days.

What I have also noticed is how much this affect my thinking towards life in general. So many areas are affected.

Since a brief period of abstinence, I have noticed these negative affects in my life whilst PMOing every two days or so:

-I cant concentrate at work
-I am less forgiving of other people
-I get irritated by little things
-I have had a massive argument with my girlfriend
-I don't trust my own thinking as much, I am less confident and sure of myself
-I feel generally more depressed and pessimistic
-I have less energy at the gym
-I feel further from my girlfriend
-I am less trusting of her as well, looking in her phone and stuff
-I have worse skin
-I am in general less productive
-I am less sociable

As for positives I cannot think of any other than that rush, which is never what it promises to be!

Even with it so plainly obvious that I need to stop I still am really struggling. If I can learn something here it is that a reset will never be "just the once"


 
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Ap26

Member
Monday and feeling positive about this again. Just took a few actions which I have been telling myself I would do for ages but kept putting off.
Reinstalled k9 and this time used a password that I will not be able to crack and gave the only note of it to my girlfriend and told her not to give it to me! So that should help with the laptop, the only real possibility now is through my phone. Problem there is I haven't really found any blockers that work on it! All of them seem to involve disabling safari which is literally two clicks to turn back on.
Anyway feeling good today!
 
fightthefight

fightthefight

Active Member
Well done mate. I have put K9 on my computer and even though I know technically how to get round it, it is long winded and I have multiple points where I can turn back. No technical solution is perfect, as the root of the problem is between the ears not on a screen, but they can help. Perhaps self-impose some rules about using your phone, or look into what other guys do. This is the reason I am still using an older phone without internet access - I know I couldn't trust myself at the moment if I had temptation there. You are doing great. Keep taking it one day at a time. I read that sometimes you have to slow down to go fast, and it is true. Before you know it you will have gone further than you could have imagined, just by concentrating on moving through each day and taking those small steps, like you did by reinstalling K9 :)
 
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