Day 19 + 20
Strange weekend. Felt tired yesterday, and for some reason, I started MO and did not stop. The good thing is that I was not thinking about anything porn related and did not watch any porn-related stuff before. Also, I was not thinking about a girl. It was just for the sake of relieving some pressure. I know about the chaser effect and told myself not to let it get worse by watching porn or MO again. So as expected, I was quite horny the weekend, got random boners throughout the day and had some mean urges. However, I still managed not to fall back into old habits. Usually, after a relapse, I have a "f**k it, you relapsed once, no problem to relapse again and start tomorrow" attitude. I will then do more MO and then start porn again. But not this time!
My goal was to stay 90 days MO and porn free. I will still go for the 90 days porn free, which is the important part here. After 90 days, I wanted to reintroduce MO again without overdoing it. So my adjusted goal is to complete the no-porn challenge and try as hard as possible not to go for MO again. Maybe I can hit 20 days MO free
Do you guys know if there is anything I can do to train to have better impulse control?
Besides that, I set myself a Youtube blocker. I spent too much time this weekend endlessly browsing YT videos. When my grandchildren will ask me what cool stuff I did, then watching Youtube videos will definitely not make an impression
Blocking out Instagram, news stuff, Reddit, or other social media worked pretty well for me in the past, as I have no intention of using them again.
Also, I went on a walk and had a few thoughts. Maybe I should learn more about spending time alone and not be sad about it. Whenever I am out with friends, doing sports, or at work, my feelings are balanced and more on the good side. I like being outside in nature. It perfectly relaxes me and puts me in a good mood. But then there are these rainy days when you can't go outside or want to. On a workday, this is fine, but then there are some weekends when you don't have anything planned. Then I watch YT the whole day, and it feels like I miss something. I then think that other people are now spending time with their significant other, and the negative thought cycle starts. How do you enjoy time alone, especially on these rainy days?