Killing The Porn Monster In My Brain

[anon4598]

35 yo male. Single. I have struggled with porn for 20 years. Didn't realize just how miserable it made me until I listened to Your Brain On Porn and it completely opened my eyes. Over the years I had numerous opportunities with women who were clearly interested in me yet I did not reciprocate it. I now know it was the porn-induced haze that was clouding my mind and making me uninterested in real sex. Being exposed to porn at a young age did a lot of damage to my mind and it escalated to extreme content that I hate. Now knowing the effects of porn has given me the incentive and tools to leave it behind. This has been by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life but it has also been the most rewarding. I know if I keep persevering and progressing I will have victory.

 

[anon4598]

Looking back at 2022 when I started my reboot journey, it is encouraging to see the amount of incremental yet consistent progress I have made. Now, with the new year, I look forward to tracking my progress to the next.
We all wish that recovery from addiction can occur overnight but it is usually never that easy. It took us years or even decades getting into the throes of our addiction and it will take a long time to get out of it. We get excited and motivated learning about the benefits of quitting porn and hearing the stories of countless others who have quitted but we get discouraged and frustrated when we backslide. I think one of the key things to remember is to never let yourself get swallowed up by despair when you relapse. Be willing to forgive yourself. Keep focused on your goal and be positive.

 

[anon4598]

Had a bad week where I relapsed into PMO two days in a row. Once was because I stayed up late by myself alone and drinking which I knew was a bad idea. The other was from 'testing' out the porn blocker extensions on my browsers while I was alone at home which gradually turned into a relapse. I've now deleted the one which was able to be exploited.
For me, triggers are boredom, isolation, drinking and stress. Especially on the weekends where I don't have to work.
I try not to get to discouraged when I slip but I want to scream at myself when I was doing so well for a while.
I've now put up a big business calender on my wall since getting rid of my smartphones and now I can use it to also chart my progress for the month. Clean days get a slash through them, porn or masturbation days get a yellow strike and PMO days get a yellow X.
One the worst things about my urges is that I can go from not caring about porn at all to an intense craving abruptly out of nowhere.
Usually this is because I'm engaging in one of my trigger behaviors.

 

[anon4598]

I'm getting at a point where I can mostly avoid porn but I still have a hard time going without masturbation at least once a week or so. This is still far better than where I was before and I don't feel nearly as depressed and fatigued afterwards as when I was PMO'ing all the time.
I could probably abstain longer from masturbation if I didn't start getting semen leakage after urinating, which makes me excited and gives me an excuse.

 

[logicprox]

For me one of the things that helps the most with the "unstructured" time where I don't HAVE to do anything (non-work days) having hobbies I really care about and want to progress at, and making those the focus of my weekend (even planning out when I will do them). Just kicking around watching TV or scrolling the internet, besides being inherently unsatisfying, are a recipe for disaster for PMO.

Not sure if you have any hobbies like that, but if not, maybe this is a great time to find some things you can really be passionate about.

Also have had success replacing TV/internet/social media with reading books. Especially books on how to take control of and change your mind.

 

[anon4598]

For me one of the things that helps the most with the "unstructured" time where I don't HAVE to do anything (non-work days) having hobbies I really care about and want to progress at, and making those the focus of my weekend (even planning out when I will do them). Just kicking around watching TV or scrolling the internet, besides being inherently unsatisfying, are a recipe for disaster for PMO.

Not sure if you have any hobbies like that, but if not, maybe this is a great time to find some things you can really be passionate about.

Also have had success replacing TV/internet/social media with reading books. Especially books on how to take control of and change your mind.

Yes, unstructured lazy time is the worst for me. I've told my family about my problems and I have an 'open door' policy with my computer room. I also need to get into the habit of finding any reason to leave the house for a while when everyone is out.
I crave stimulation and can find video games as a good distraction, but I have plenty of reading material to catch up with as well. Reading also gives my brain a break from the computer screen.

 

[anon4598]

I have been doing fairly well since my last entry. My PMO sessions are rare but are instead being replaced with a situation where I browse porn for a little bit until I get bored enough that my self-control comes back and I quit but then immediately relieve myself away from the computer. I still feel frustrated but I can see that my habits are changing if only very slowly. It's very hard to remember that this is putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward, if only agonizingly slow.
Today I had another such instance where I've been stuck at home most of the day with a cold. I had semen release in the bathroom and decided to take care of it then and there but the urge to go to my computer was overwhelmingly strong. As usual, I get bored of browsing within about 10 minutes, hesitantly deleting one tab at a time until I close the browser.

 

[anon4598]

I notice there are always warning signs leading up to PMO. Frequent glancing at porn online, increased fantasizing, isolation and opportunity.
I realize I made a mistake in leaving out my old smartphones when I was setting up electronic equipment. Back into the drawer they go.

 

[Androg]

Yeah, learning to turn away from triggers (or better yet...prevent them) before flirting with them is challenging. Glad you're making progress.

 

[anon4598]

I found a 'Celebrate Recovery' group for guys struggling with addiction nearby. I'm going to stop putting it off and check it out. I think having face-to-face partners in recovery would be extremely helpful.

 

[TryingHarder]

I think having face-to-face partners in recovery would be extremely helpful.

Absolutely. If you haven't seen it already, check out this excellent video by Eli Nash, who talks about how the shame of a porn addiction holds most guys back, but how sharing your experience is incredibly helpful.

 

[anon4598]

I have been going my Celebrate Recovery group now for several weeks. Our group has over a dozen guys and it's helpful to share our experiences together and give support. I'm the youngest guy there by far. Many of the guys are well into their 60's or 70's. I am so glad I was able to start making my breakthrough at an earlier age.

 

[anon4598]

I've been having more difficulty with temptation to look at porn recently and I think it was because of some additional stress in my life. My cravings have been getting completely out-of-control where I'm even jeopardizing my job because of porn viewing.
I think it is time that I begin looking at getting an IRL accountability partner.

 

[anon4598]

One of the biggest killers for me is the shame and frustration I take out on myself when slipping up. I am trying to remember not to beat myself up and just continue on the progress that I've made. I try to remember that this is an issue that I will probably continue to struggle with for the rest of my life and this is also why letting myself get complacent and comfortable with my success is a huge trap for me.

 

[Androg]

It will get easier with time. Remember exercise, meditation and socializing all help.

 

[anon4598]

It's been a year or so and I have made progress in reducing my porn consumption exponentially but I still struggle occasionally with use.
The cravings can still hit me hard and extreme and it seems to wait until I'm the most vulnerable.

 

[anon4598]

Has anyone had any experience with 'Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous'? There is a meeting in my area I'm going to check out and hopefully find an accountability partner.

 

[Escapeandnevercomeback]

Has anyone had any experience with 'Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous'? There is a meeting in my area I'm going to check out and hopefully find an accountability partner.

Try them all. You never know what could help otherwise. If you don't like it after a few meetings or whatever, you don't have to go back. Unfortunately, where I am there is no physical group for porn and/or sex addicts. And I'm pretty bummed about it. I don't know, maybe after I'm done with this shit, I create the first one

 

[jonazo91]

Has anyone had any experience with 'Sex and Porn Addicts Anonymous'? There is a meeting in my area I'm going to check out and hopefully find an accountability partner.

I attended a single zoom meeting of them once, it seemed like a solid group of good people. Definitely if you can find an in-person meeting I would check it out.