AdamReboot
New Member
Hi everyone,
I'm Adam, 20 years old from Europe. This isn't my first time here, I wrote a thread once, but now I'm here to ask for any ideas about what my real problem could be.
I think I'll start at the beginning. (It got a bit long, but I appreciate everyone, who reads it)
I first discovered porn when I was around 10-11 years old. I don't remember the details, but I think I became a regular user 1 or 2 years after that.
The first bad experience happened when I had my first girlfriend. I was 15 and we were about to have sex for the first time. I imagined the situation in my head well before, but my visions were coming from porn I guess, since I didn't talk about sex with my parents. (Mainly because once a porn site crashed and I couldn't turn off my laptop, so I had to ask my mother. It was embarrassing as fuck, but I think you can imagine that. From that moment I never brought up the subject)
So my first experience with a real girl didn't go as planned. I couldn't get hard at all. Not even for a moment. We tried it a couple more times, but then we broke up for other reasons. And this was the first time I found this page and started considering that I might have a problem.
But then a couple weeks passed and I found myself in a situation with another girl on a school trip. We were slightly drunk, but only to a level, which took all my anxiousness away. And guys it was perfect. We were doing it for like an hour and I was able to finish at the end. (I didn't think about this back then, but is it possible that I have performance anxiety? I'll get back to this later.)
After that experience a bigger gap came in which I was watching porn regularly. But after about a year I met my ex-girlfriend of 1,5 years. I had some problems, like not being able to finish, sometimes ED, but mainly at the beginning of our relationship. As time passed sex was pretty good, she thought me a lot of things. At this time I thought I'm healed or never even had any problems.
Then we broke up and I started hooking up with girls. Well, that period was horrible. I was trying and trying, but never succeeded. I had about 5-6 failed attempts in the summer break, which really fucked up my mental health. At this time I was constantly reading about porn addiction, desperately searching for answers. I attempted many reboots, but the longest one was only 3 weeks long. I tried to escape to my activities like work, school, parties etc. But as soon as I had some time alone, I grabbed my phone and started watching porn. I think it became an instinct kind of thing.
At the end of that summer I dated a girl for about 3 months. And again, I had ED at the first time, then I got more confident, and later I was able to maintain some sort of erection, but it wasn't what I was hoping for.
And now we arrive to my ongoing relationship. We started dating in February 2022 and since then I had my ups and downs. I want to give you a perspective about what's going on in my life right now, it might help finding a solution for my problem.
In september 2022 I started my freshman year at College. Everything was great, in 3 months I had the best parties of my life, met knew people etc. But now we are on a brake until April, because there are renovations going on at the dormitory and the school building. So the point is, I'm home again, I have nothing to do basically, and porn came back to my daily routine again.
Although I have great sex with my girlfriend most of the time. It's not 100%, but pretty close.
So here are my thoughts. I think my problem with sex is mainly caused by performance anxiety, since I didn't have ED when I got to know the person I was having sex with , or I was able to let go of my anxiousness somehow.
But the other thing is watching porn. As soon as I have some time, I'll watch it. It might not have an affect on me as it does on other people, but I certainly feel the affects of it.
Thank you for reading it, and if anyone has any ideas, I'd really appreciate them!
I'm Adam, 20 years old from Europe. This isn't my first time here, I wrote a thread once, but now I'm here to ask for any ideas about what my real problem could be.
I think I'll start at the beginning. (It got a bit long, but I appreciate everyone, who reads it)
I first discovered porn when I was around 10-11 years old. I don't remember the details, but I think I became a regular user 1 or 2 years after that.
The first bad experience happened when I had my first girlfriend. I was 15 and we were about to have sex for the first time. I imagined the situation in my head well before, but my visions were coming from porn I guess, since I didn't talk about sex with my parents. (Mainly because once a porn site crashed and I couldn't turn off my laptop, so I had to ask my mother. It was embarrassing as fuck, but I think you can imagine that. From that moment I never brought up the subject)
So my first experience with a real girl didn't go as planned. I couldn't get hard at all. Not even for a moment. We tried it a couple more times, but then we broke up for other reasons. And this was the first time I found this page and started considering that I might have a problem.
But then a couple weeks passed and I found myself in a situation with another girl on a school trip. We were slightly drunk, but only to a level, which took all my anxiousness away. And guys it was perfect. We were doing it for like an hour and I was able to finish at the end. (I didn't think about this back then, but is it possible that I have performance anxiety? I'll get back to this later.)
After that experience a bigger gap came in which I was watching porn regularly. But after about a year I met my ex-girlfriend of 1,5 years. I had some problems, like not being able to finish, sometimes ED, but mainly at the beginning of our relationship. As time passed sex was pretty good, she thought me a lot of things. At this time I thought I'm healed or never even had any problems.
Then we broke up and I started hooking up with girls. Well, that period was horrible. I was trying and trying, but never succeeded. I had about 5-6 failed attempts in the summer break, which really fucked up my mental health. At this time I was constantly reading about porn addiction, desperately searching for answers. I attempted many reboots, but the longest one was only 3 weeks long. I tried to escape to my activities like work, school, parties etc. But as soon as I had some time alone, I grabbed my phone and started watching porn. I think it became an instinct kind of thing.
At the end of that summer I dated a girl for about 3 months. And again, I had ED at the first time, then I got more confident, and later I was able to maintain some sort of erection, but it wasn't what I was hoping for.
And now we arrive to my ongoing relationship. We started dating in February 2022 and since then I had my ups and downs. I want to give you a perspective about what's going on in my life right now, it might help finding a solution for my problem.
In september 2022 I started my freshman year at College. Everything was great, in 3 months I had the best parties of my life, met knew people etc. But now we are on a brake until April, because there are renovations going on at the dormitory and the school building. So the point is, I'm home again, I have nothing to do basically, and porn came back to my daily routine again.
Although I have great sex with my girlfriend most of the time. It's not 100%, but pretty close.
So here are my thoughts. I think my problem with sex is mainly caused by performance anxiety, since I didn't have ED when I got to know the person I was having sex with , or I was able to let go of my anxiousness somehow.
But the other thing is watching porn. As soon as I have some time, I'll watch it. It might not have an affect on me as it does on other people, but I certainly feel the affects of it.
Thank you for reading it, and if anyone has any ideas, I'd really appreciate them!