Hello guys. First off, I don't even know where to start from; I have no words to describe how addicted I was to pornography and how it destroyed my life coupled with excessive masturbation. I was the last of 4 other siblings and we grew up in a very toxic household and my parents never really loved each other and I'm certain this affected every single one of us in the family. This is difficult for me but I'd say that they were just emotionally deprived, they only thought us how to be resilient and sharp-witted. And with having chaotic parents, we(the kids) not unexpectedly began to withdraw from them, there was no bit intimacy.
As a kid, I used to see some bits and pieces of pornography content but it never really intrigued me at those moments but as a got older(between ages10&12), I got a mobile device and like every other kid started exploring, this was how I fell into the trap and began to watch every single day which led to masturbation. At that young age, I had no idea what I was doing, but I loved it. This continued for years, with pornography and masturbation I couldn't stop, somedays I'd masturbate between 5 to 10 times or even more, I can't remember but for sure it was excessive. As I grew older, I began to realize how damaging it was to me but I was addicted already, I just couldn't stop, it was crazy, after masturbating I felt so bad for myself and but there was no letting go, it was a drug, somedays I'd say, "okay, no more porn/masturbation for today" but I was trapped, deep in the hole already. This carried on even in college and after I graduated, I couldn't get any girls nor stand them even, my confidence and masculinity was simply sub par, not a single rizz on me. I never had any girlfriends, I never had sex. My kiss was in my final year of college(can you imagine that!).
Then I had sex for the first time with this girl i met online, I was drunk all ready and raring to go, it was so disappointing and I felt really unsatisfied. I knew something was off but I couldn't tell. Couple of months later, I had sex couple more times, this was when I realized that I had serious complications with my sex life; PE, ED. It was just so disappointing and annoying, I knew excessive porn and masturbation could be one of the main reasons for that, so I made up my mind to stop any it, sometimes I had to use viagra but to no avail. I stopped being addicted to them after almost 12 years of excessive abuse. I was delighted when I just simply quit. But I wasn't just addicted to porn, I started drinking as early as when I was 13/14, have been stoner since 17. I know all of these actually affected my development and human psychology (don't know if that's the right word).
At the moment, even after I quit pornography and masturbation, I can't even imagine how much harm it has done to me. You know, we're on the internet and sometimes we come across porno content on our feeds, the very few times I came across it on my timeline, I just ejaculated without any simulation at all, it just happened involuntarily. And this is what I'm going through right now, it just happened to me before I found this forum and wrote this long ass story. I feel so depressed and sometimes I just cry and feel really sad for myself, I was so young and ignorant, I had no idea what I was doing to myself, my brain. I'm trying to recover. I have no idea if there's anymore I can do about my situation. Pornography and masturbation ruined my life, I wish I never found it. At the moment, I'm going through a lot of depression. Pornography is destroying a lot of people and I hope something is done about it and that's all I got to say. Bye.
As a kid, I used to see some bits and pieces of pornography content but it never really intrigued me at those moments but as a got older(between ages10&12), I got a mobile device and like every other kid started exploring, this was how I fell into the trap and began to watch every single day which led to masturbation. At that young age, I had no idea what I was doing, but I loved it. This continued for years, with pornography and masturbation I couldn't stop, somedays I'd masturbate between 5 to 10 times or even more, I can't remember but for sure it was excessive. As I grew older, I began to realize how damaging it was to me but I was addicted already, I just couldn't stop, it was crazy, after masturbating I felt so bad for myself and but there was no letting go, it was a drug, somedays I'd say, "okay, no more porn/masturbation for today" but I was trapped, deep in the hole already. This carried on even in college and after I graduated, I couldn't get any girls nor stand them even, my confidence and masculinity was simply sub par, not a single rizz on me. I never had any girlfriends, I never had sex. My kiss was in my final year of college(can you imagine that!).
Then I had sex for the first time with this girl i met online, I was drunk all ready and raring to go, it was so disappointing and I felt really unsatisfied. I knew something was off but I couldn't tell. Couple of months later, I had sex couple more times, this was when I realized that I had serious complications with my sex life; PE, ED. It was just so disappointing and annoying, I knew excessive porn and masturbation could be one of the main reasons for that, so I made up my mind to stop any it, sometimes I had to use viagra but to no avail. I stopped being addicted to them after almost 12 years of excessive abuse. I was delighted when I just simply quit. But I wasn't just addicted to porn, I started drinking as early as when I was 13/14, have been stoner since 17. I know all of these actually affected my development and human psychology (don't know if that's the right word).
At the moment, even after I quit pornography and masturbation, I can't even imagine how much harm it has done to me. You know, we're on the internet and sometimes we come across porno content on our feeds, the very few times I came across it on my timeline, I just ejaculated without any simulation at all, it just happened involuntarily. And this is what I'm going through right now, it just happened to me before I found this forum and wrote this long ass story. I feel so depressed and sometimes I just cry and feel really sad for myself, I was so young and ignorant, I had no idea what I was doing to myself, my brain. I'm trying to recover. I have no idea if there's anymore I can do about my situation. Pornography and masturbation ruined my life, I wish I never found it. At the moment, I'm going through a lot of depression. Pornography is destroying a lot of people and I hope something is done about it and that's all I got to say. Bye.
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. Will look into them for sure.