Unusual circumstances - Same Result - My Journal
- Thread starter Beachy
- Start date
Well I'm 5 weeks in and starting to feel quite good. Sex fantasies were my major issue for first 4 weeks. I couldn't stop myself going into a trance like state imagining having sex with real girls I liked. Happened so often it was affecting work. That's largely stopped now and only happens from time to time if I'm bored. Keeping busy is important.
I had successful sex with ex girlfriend who volunteered to assess my progress at 33 days. Erection went up and down a fair bit but no cialis required and I came, something that has rarely happened over last 12 months. In fact I had success a second time as well with 70-80% erection.
So I'm continuing reboot without sex for next 5 weeks and then I'll see where I am after that. Glad I've got someone who has volunteered her services whenever I want to check
. Couldn't of dreamed I'd have hope of ED being gone when I started reboot. I hoped but felt disillusioned and not overly confident at the time. Now I'm mildly confidant and hopeful of a fulfilled sex life. Here's hoping guys.
I had successful sex with ex girlfriend who volunteered to assess my progress at 33 days. Erection went up and down a fair bit but no cialis required and I came, something that has rarely happened over last 12 months. In fact I had success a second time as well with 70-80% erection.
So I'm continuing reboot without sex for next 5 weeks and then I'll see where I am after that. Glad I've got someone who has volunteered her services whenever I want to check
. Couldn't of dreamed I'd have hope of ED being gone when I started reboot. I hoped but felt disillusioned and not overly confident at the time. Now I'm mildly confidant and hopeful of a fulfilled sex life. Here's hoping guys.7 week or in and not really sure where I am reboot wise although progress is obvious. Random fantasies have stopped, morning erections are good. I'm sort of keen to give it another go with a partner to assess where I'm at but don't want to derail progress by trying too early (again). I've been asked out by ex girlfriend next weekend and that only ever ends up in one place. Who am I kidding...I'm going to try again then. Hopefully successful.
Had sex twice late last week but took a while to get there. Up and down a bit which isn't ideal but got there in the end which is a major improvement from start of process. Then PMO'd yesterday and MO today so a bit of a binge. Time to start again. I guess if it was easy we'd all get it first try so I'm not too concerned. Here we go again!
Thanks Poker. I agree, it's important to keep your eye on the prize. I'm mostly focusing on the positives I achieved rather than the PMO. I did have semi-successful sexwhich is something I could only dream of 8 weeks ago. I'm on the way.
But now I'm back focusing on expanding and enjoying the other things in my life that provide so much satisfaction; my kids, swing dancing, basketball coaching, paddling, gym, heading out with friends and creating a successful business. In fact, it helps just writing those things down, these are the things that will bring improvement, not just focusing on the ED.
The other thing I need to do is post here more. I'd stopped doing that and in doing so lost the great support from amazing people that gave me strength early on.
But now I'm back focusing on expanding and enjoying the other things in my life that provide so much satisfaction; my kids, swing dancing, basketball coaching, paddling, gym, heading out with friends and creating a successful business. In fact, it helps just writing those things down, these are the things that will bring improvement, not just focusing on the ED.
The other thing I need to do is post here more. I'd stopped doing that and in doing so lost the great support from amazing people that gave me strength early on.
Been a long time since I've posted in my journal so here's the update.
Hooked up with a girl mid Jan and have had successful sex with her. ED is mostly gone although not completely. I do have problems with DE but I'm happy enough with that and believe it will go away while continuing to reboot with a partner with no MO. No PMO isn't really an issue for me anymore as the cravings are really manageable.
The good thing about this partner is we both have kids so we can only really get together every two weeks. So we have sex one weekend then I have a further two weeks of no fapping to continue my progress. I think for me this is a recipe that works.
Thanks again to everyone for their support.
Hooked up with a girl mid Jan and have had successful sex with her. ED is mostly gone although not completely. I do have problems with DE but I'm happy enough with that and believe it will go away while continuing to reboot with a partner with no MO. No PMO isn't really an issue for me anymore as the cravings are really manageable.
The good thing about this partner is we both have kids so we can only really get together every two weeks. So we have sex one weekend then I have a further two weeks of no fapping to continue my progress. I think for me this is a recipe that works.
Thanks again to everyone for their support.
lyon03
Respected Member
Thanks for the update brother...wonderful hearing from you again. I'm happy you have a rewiring partner. I too found the imposed abstinence between visits with my boyfriend helpful. Having sex every week or every other week forced me to develop healthy sexuality rather than making sex my new addiction/compulsion. Be well brother. I look forward to reading your next post.
Dharmabum
Active Member
Scrolling back through this, I love what Lyon said earlier: "No one is going to be talking about your d**k at your funeral."
Wow. That's hilarious and profound. It's true - we equate so much of who we are with our sexuality. That's society, not just us addicts. But it's particularly the case with those - at least in my perspective - those who struggle with our sexual identity, be it wrestling with who we are, what we like, or how we like it.
For me, ED became a self-fulfilling prophecy eight years ago. I had a moment in which I got "too much in my head" during sex w/ my wife, likely thinking about porn or the things I wish she'd do in bed, or whatever - but anxiety set in, distraction took hold and I lost it. She got mad, which made me feel ashamed and guilty, and it just spiraled. For months. Then it got better. Then it good real good again, then I let PMO back in my life and the cycle started again.
That's been my pattern up until this last time I started recovery 60 days ago. I realize 60 days is awfully young in recovery to be making proclamations. But this time I realize I can NEVER let PMO back into my life, because the patterns are there. Failure eventually rears its head and I disconnect from my wife.
I guess what I'm saying is, so much of our struggle is often more of our minds than our bodies. The connection between the two is powerful. Once we get some traction in recovery, in rebooting, our brains rewire a bit and the physical aspects - though they have peaks and valleys - become more understandable and more manageable. We start to see progress. Eventually, our mind calms and that gives our body permission to heal.
That may not be 100% true for everyone, but it seems to be a pattern I see here and in my own life. Be patient and kind with yourself, Beachy. Keep on the path. You're doing good work, just coming here and posting. Just working toward sanity and sobriety.
Be well. Stay vigilant. Keep going.
Wow. That's hilarious and profound. It's true - we equate so much of who we are with our sexuality. That's society, not just us addicts. But it's particularly the case with those - at least in my perspective - those who struggle with our sexual identity, be it wrestling with who we are, what we like, or how we like it.
For me, ED became a self-fulfilling prophecy eight years ago. I had a moment in which I got "too much in my head" during sex w/ my wife, likely thinking about porn or the things I wish she'd do in bed, or whatever - but anxiety set in, distraction took hold and I lost it. She got mad, which made me feel ashamed and guilty, and it just spiraled. For months. Then it got better. Then it good real good again, then I let PMO back in my life and the cycle started again.
That's been my pattern up until this last time I started recovery 60 days ago. I realize 60 days is awfully young in recovery to be making proclamations. But this time I realize I can NEVER let PMO back into my life, because the patterns are there. Failure eventually rears its head and I disconnect from my wife.
I guess what I'm saying is, so much of our struggle is often more of our minds than our bodies. The connection between the two is powerful. Once we get some traction in recovery, in rebooting, our brains rewire a bit and the physical aspects - though they have peaks and valleys - become more understandable and more manageable. We start to see progress. Eventually, our mind calms and that gives our body permission to heal.
That may not be 100% true for everyone, but it seems to be a pattern I see here and in my own life. Be patient and kind with yourself, Beachy. Keep on the path. You're doing good work, just coming here and posting. Just working toward sanity and sobriety.
Be well. Stay vigilant. Keep going.
I agree Dharnabum, this about mind and not body. I'm now at a point where the issue with ED and DE are secondary to just taking getting life to a good place.
I had problem with ED again on the weekend but I'm not overly concerned about that and it's this attitude that makes a great difference. I understand the process much better now and get how the brain just needs a bit more time to get better. No big deal, no panic, no drama. So as I've said before in a number of posts, I'll just concentrate on my kids, gym, dancing, bike riding, my work and heading out with friends and the ED will sort itself out as I go hard mode for another while.
Thanks for your input guys.
I had problem with ED again on the weekend but I'm not overly concerned about that and it's this attitude that makes a great difference. I understand the process much better now and get how the brain just needs a bit more time to get better. No big deal, no panic, no drama. So as I've said before in a number of posts, I'll just concentrate on my kids, gym, dancing, bike riding, my work and heading out with friends and the ED will sort itself out as I go hard mode for another while.
Thanks for your input guys.
lyon03
Respected Member
I think you have the right mindset brother. I'll paraphrase another rebooter: "Why should I obsess about morning wood and spontaneous boners when I only need an erection just before or during sex?" So true! I applaud your healthy attitude: build a better life, not a better boner. If I can go from zero erection and almost no sensitivity 110 days ago to the best sex I've ever had, anyone can heal. Be well Beachy. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
olafthewise
Active Member
part of reboot is stopping the brains response to pictures of sexual material and anything close to it. Then as you see nothing sexual for days and days, suddenly you get morning wood. then you don't, then you do, etc. Then your wife strips for you and you spring to attention...ok...
Today I sit here as a man who feels like he's back to the start of reboot process. I'd made amazing progress and have had successful sex a bit since starting reboot but have had a bit of ED return. But today I can't stop thinking about sex, look like shit, feel like shit. Temptation for the first time in ages to watch porn or just sneak into my bedroom for MO. It is taking all my power to not succumb.
But there's a cool part of me that just says... "is that all you've got addiction. Is that your best effort at making me return". This thought comes from my successes and failures before today. I know it's hard, I know it can work, I know there are successes and failures.
Of course it didn't help that my ex wife visited today looking ridiculously hot and proceeded to tease me. Not fair play.
But the main point is I can do this. Just focus on life not sex and it will work out.
But there's a cool part of me that just says... "is that all you've got addiction. Is that your best effort at making me return". This thought comes from my successes and failures before today. I know it's hard, I know it can work, I know there are successes and failures.
Of course it didn't help that my ex wife visited today looking ridiculously hot and proceeded to tease me. Not fair play.
But the main point is I can do this. Just focus on life not sex and it will work out.
lyon03
Respected Member
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." Keep going brother. I like your attitude: "is that all you've got addiction." I remember just starting to feel good about myself when WHAM I got the worst migraine of my life. Blinded by pain I then started to vomit. But strangely I laughed and said, "Bring it on motherf*cker! Is that all you've got." Love the pain my friend. Pain is temporary.
Haven't been here for a while, sorry about that. Quick update on my situation.
Not sure what happened but a week ago I felt something change inside. The world looked different. The random sex fantasies stopped, I started thinking more clearly and I had a longing to be with the girl I've been dating but not to just screw her so that I knew my ED was gone. I just wanted to be with her because she's cool to hang around. Not sure what button got switched but I knew somehow I'd turned the corner. Somehow I knew it was going to be downhill from here.
So this weekend was amazing. Loads of sex with only the occasional erection issue and it was all close, emotional vanilla sex. I never knew it could feel like this after so many years of screwing pixels. So after 14 months of almost no porn I think I'm getting close. I should add that I really only started rebooting in November so although I stopped porn I didn't stop fantasy and pill aided sex so it wasn't a 14 month reboot.
I believe a number of things led to the improvement but something recent was I started allowing myself to think like I did before porn. It seemed natural to have some vanilla fantasies about my girl and I MO'd to those thoughts. I felt like this said to my brain it's OK now to get this libido going again, let's wind it up. I'd read that quite a few guys have needed to jump start their libido in this way and it felt like the right time for me for some reason.
Anyway, I'm not claiming success just yet as I know guys go back into flatline after getting to the point I'm at but I had a great last week and now I'm looking forward to seeing further improvement.
Not sure what happened but a week ago I felt something change inside. The world looked different. The random sex fantasies stopped, I started thinking more clearly and I had a longing to be with the girl I've been dating but not to just screw her so that I knew my ED was gone. I just wanted to be with her because she's cool to hang around. Not sure what button got switched but I knew somehow I'd turned the corner. Somehow I knew it was going to be downhill from here.
So this weekend was amazing. Loads of sex with only the occasional erection issue and it was all close, emotional vanilla sex. I never knew it could feel like this after so many years of screwing pixels. So after 14 months of almost no porn I think I'm getting close. I should add that I really only started rebooting in November so although I stopped porn I didn't stop fantasy and pill aided sex so it wasn't a 14 month reboot.
I believe a number of things led to the improvement but something recent was I started allowing myself to think like I did before porn. It seemed natural to have some vanilla fantasies about my girl and I MO'd to those thoughts. I felt like this said to my brain it's OK now to get this libido going again, let's wind it up. I'd read that quite a few guys have needed to jump start their libido in this way and it felt like the right time for me for some reason.
Anyway, I'm not claiming success just yet as I know guys go back into flatline after getting to the point I'm at but I had a great last week and now I'm looking forward to seeing further improvement.
lyon03
Respected Member
Beachy said:
Terrific news brother. I can totally relate because I had the same experience just this week. I stopped looking at guys as potential f*ck buddies and started to see the world as it was, rather than as some giant porn set. You perfectly summed up what happened so thanks for that brother. You were also the very first person to post on my thread! Be well my friend.