Terrible Relapse, Terrible Location

[WoundedSparrow]

I've been an addict for 9 years. I went 27 days, relapsed, and just relapsed last night after 47 days more. You might call that substantial, but if it's anything less than complete sobriety, it's not enough for me. Especially since one relapse usually acts as a domino effect into more of them. Moving on...

Last night, my relapse took place in the living room. Granted it was late at night and the whole house was in bed and I was sitting somewhere that's usually only occupied by me, but the idea of doing it in a communal space where both I and others occupy every day has left me feeling far more ashamed and embarrassed than usual. My relapses have always been in either my bedroom or bathroom. This was completely out of the ordinary and crosses a line in my book. Does anyone else have similar experiences and how do you live them down?

 

[Daybyday1988]

yeah i remember beating off at my brothers house recently while he was away and i was at his house pet-sitting. Try not to beat yourself up over it man, its just your addicted brain trying to feed itself with PMO. Our natural sexual urges for real partners have been removed and replaced with urges for PMO or P Fantasy then MO. Just forget about it and move on.

I would suggest removing the capability of accessing P though. I do this with the blocking software Covenant Eyes. It blocks all the trash and i have an accountability partner i met on Reboot Nation that gets my search report every day and i get his as well. If you dont have solid accountabiltiy it may be pretty hard to get out in front of the addiction. by thats just my $0.02

-DbD

 

[WoundedSparrow]

yeah i remember beating off at my brothers house recently while he was away and i was at his house pet-sitting. Try not to beat yourself up over it man, its just your addicted brain trying to feed itself with PMO. Our natural sexual urges for real partners have been removed and replaced with urges for PMO or P Fantasy then MO. Just forget about it and move on.

I would suggest removing the capability of accessing P though. I do this with the blocking software Covenant Eyes. It blocks all the trash and i have an accountability partner i met on Reboot Nation that gets my search report every day and i get his as well. If you dont have solid accountabiltiy it may be pretty hard to get out in front of the addiction. by thats just my $0.02

-DbD

I've got Covenant Eyes. It's not 100% effective. Definitely makes it much harder to access porn, but if I'm dedicated enough, I can always find a loophole. That's not their fault, though. The software is quite thorough. It's up to me to resist the temptation to even attempt to look. I know from experience that even trying to look is a loss for me. Even if I can't get anything pulled up, I've already consented to the possibility of relapse. The craving from looking builds up in my mind. I think the best way to move forward is to remember this defeat with particular distaste and double my efforts to keep myself on track. I got complacent and careless. I can't forget to be diligent. Thank you for your words of advice.

 

[Daybyday1988]

do you have an "ally" on Covenant Eyes? If not, i think that is kind of what youre missing. this makes it so you arent trying to just cheat a blocking website, you are going to be dealing with consequences from another guy who is going to see your fucked up searches and call you on it. Been really working for me anyway.

before i had a good ally, i had CE and was finding a way to skate around it (which was very difficult i might add) but felt comfortable doing that because i knew nobody else would really know. Now, i know im gonna be held accountable if i dont.

 

[WoundedSparrow]

do you have an "ally" on Covenant Eyes? If not, i think that is kind of what youre missing. this makes it so you arent trying to just cheat a blocking website, you are going to be dealing with consequences from another guy who is going to see your fucked up searches and call you on it. Been really working for me anyway.

before i had a good ally, i had CE and was finding a way to skate around it (which was very difficult i might add) but felt comfortable doing that because i knew nobody else would really know. Now, i know im gonna be held accountable if i dont.

I've got someone, but I've found an easy workaround that I won't share because I don't want you to end up using it too. In the end, defeating porn addiction, like any other, depends on the determination of the addict to quit. Every day is a battle and you have to be ready to fight anytime, anywhere. If you aren't you'll fail. It just happened to me once again and I have to redouble my efforts to stay sober. It's as simple as that.

 

[Daybyday1988]

oh okay. i appreciate you not telling me lol. maybe you can share it with the folks at CE and maybe they can do something about it.

depends on the determination of the addict to quit

yeah i agree man, if the addict wants to get to explicit material, of course he can. its just so damn accessible in todays world. i think for me it just helped to have a serious restriction on it so that it wasn't like unmitigated uninterrupted P use.

 

[WoundedSparrow]

oh okay. i appreciate you not telling me lol. maybe you can share it with the folks at CE and maybe they can do something about it.



yeah i agree man, if the addict wants to get to explicit material, of course he can. its just so damn accessible in todays world. i think for me it just helped to have a serious restriction on it so that it wasn't like unmitigated uninterrupted P use.

I'm in the same boat. Making it harder to access porn is a massive advantage since even if I want to get it, I've got to essentially navigate an endless maze of internet in order to find it. It's a good deterrent. But like I said, only I can make myself stop for good.

 

[Daybyday1988]

What do you think would help you achieve success?