New here please help I am not doing well

[geckoman1011]

Hello . My name is Danny . I have a problem. To clear things up let me let you guys know I am in recovery from drugs. I am 6 months clean in a program and in order to feel sobriety I need to get over this aficionados addiction. I am 20 years old. I am addicted to fetish porn. Mostly humiliation and hard core porn that involves bodily fluids etc. I am not proud of this . It developed after coming across a porn when I was 13 and I secretly watched it and it grew into my identity. I been trying to stop watching it. I need help with this. I don't understand my withdrawls.  I get really turned on the first few days and then I relapse and I have no explanation to why. My girlfriend is also like this. I want to change. I don't want to be clean and no longer addicted to Internet porn. About day 3 I start to get the urges and I always give in. What do I do . I need help . I'm complicated because it is a deep rooted fetish for me . Is this possible to change . Can I be normal ? Please direct me.

 

[geckoman1011]

Within week one I feel like my addiction is controlling me . I feel this burdons on me like I can't change it and my head starts to tell me to give in. I get turned on by the thoughts and I don't know what is happening if it goes away after a time period like drug withdrawals I have no clue. I understand it's dopamine but I never dealt with my problem until now so I have no clue what to expect and I am tired of the everyday craving . Should I have sex with my fiance? It sick because when I do I feel like it's not real because of the giant porn peak I built myself on. I feel like porn is at the bottom of my sex pyrimid.  I developed on it do to low self esteem so it became my sex outlet.  Little did I know the effects it would have on me. How do I reverse this. Has anyone else developed fetishes from porn? Is it bad to act out on them with your partner and is this all reversal?

 

[readytobefree]

Everyone is different but here's my 2 cents:

- Yes, completely get rid off porn from your life + all digital stimulation (any digital image of a girl on the computer is a no-no)
- Deal with the withdrawals like a man (it'll get better after a week)
- Rewire by spending more romantic time with your fiance/girlfriend. I would say limit sex and orgasm but you should up the cuddling + intimacy. I think real sex is way better than jacking off to porn anyway.
- Exercise
- Do more social activities with other human beings, get the heck away from the computer.
- This is NOT your identity, your real identity is yet to be unveiled after your successful reboot.

 

[nobother]

I agree with Ready.

I would also like to add visit the site at the top of this page Your Brain On Porn.  Ready everything you can to understand what you have done to yourself and how you can recover from it.  We call it rebooting.

Nothing about this will be easy.  But it will be worth it.  You can have peace of mind and and new outlook on life with porn. 

Change is necessary to reboot.  Like Ready said - no cheating:  no images no porn no places where you can be stimulated.  Your body has probably gone through withdrawals from the drugs.  Well, my friend, your mind has to go through withdrawals also.

You can do it.  We are all in the same boat.  Let's all paddle together.

Good luck, brother.

 

[geckoman1011]

Thank you guys. Withdrawls I don't mind it's the urges that become on top of every other feeling that I don't know how to handle? Any tips for when it is on my mind 24/7 it feels like a drug addiction to me and being sober it really is messing with me. A question that keeps popping up in my mind is fetishes.  I am kinky and my fiance also is. Does this mean I have to stop those sexual type acts with her permently because I started watching that type of porn when I was young and then I met her and she was into it also. Is it the fetish that is my problem or the viewing of the porn that involves it and then masterbaiting?

 

[geckoman1011]

When facing the thought of changing my fetishes I get overwhelmed. I wonder if after a reboot of no porn if I would have them. I am fear based . I need understanding because if I go into it thinking I am going to change my sexual tastes I always mess up by taking my will back. If I do it saying I am getting over the porn addiction it is easier .I guess I am terrified on what is to come out of this

 

[readytobefree]

You're not talking to us right now, it's your brain is trying to explain it's way into re-watching your fav fetishes right before our eyes (been there, done that 100x).

You need to REBOOT, take a break from sex for awhile bro, it's all up buzzing in your head.

Cut the cord.

And don't be scared, EVERYONE sees their whole life improve after the reboot.

 

[geckoman1011]

OK so what do I need to do to make the first necessary steps? How do you guys get through the first days? Who can I talk to on a daily on this website.  I need a support group

 

[jkkk]

Hey gecko,

You can do it.

This a whole large support group.

For starters, I would recommend reading this thread:

http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=1256.0

This will take you a while. Print it out, so you do not have to be on your computer to watch.

So, when you feel an urge, do something anything ELSE than P and M. E.g. go for a walk, close the computer, take a shower, read the thread I recommended, call your friend.

How about that? Do I understand correctly that your gf has the same problem as you?

J.

 

[geckoman1011]

We share the same sexual interest we are kinky .she isn't an addict though . I am full blown I recently got over drugs and porn was another escape from me so I abused it as a child. We been together for years so calling it off isn't an option for us but I am confused because the porn I am into we both share the fetish in reality . I don't know if that is my brain trying to tell me to watch it again or if I can reboot without having the urge to watch porn but be able to participate in the fantasy with her

 

[geckoman1011]

For example she likes water sports and let's say I watch porn with that before I met her . Then we participate in it. I still watch the porn. If I reboot does that mean I have to changer that act with her? Sorry for the graphic details but I am to the point where I will try anything to get over this addiction

 

[jkkk]

It might mean that yes.

If this is a kind of fantasy/behaviour that in fact is a way of abusing of both of you, then it might as well harm both of you. You both might use it as an escape, a way out, a tranqulizer, a sedative.

What does she think about it?

 

[geckoman1011]

Man its tough now I'm going to need help guys I been wired on this for years . I'm going to write a journal I guess . I need people to tell it to me as it is and call out my brains bullshit

 

[jkkk]

Like all of us. Just everyone has a different fix.

You might have to work it over with your partner. For the benefit of both of you.

J.

 

[geckoman1011]

Should I do that once I have more porn sobriety ?

 

[readytobefree]

Gecko, what's the shortest distance between 2 points (where you are now and your new healed state)?

Everyone goes at their own pace I guess, for me I'm seeing great gains by going Hard Mode (No PMO). You have to see what works for you!