10 years trying ( wasted my 20s )

[BalthazarPL]

Hi everyone
I trying to kick this addiction from my life for the last 10 years. Everytime I got 90 days streak I was trying to find girlfriend on dating apps and got multiple times rejected what makes me feel very depressed what leads me back to my painkiller (porn)
I feel not good enough/not worthy to be with real woman, I still sabotage myself. I feel like shit and I want to be free from this addiction but from other side I think about my favorite pornstar ( I lying myself that is some special connection between my and her ) in 12 years of my addiction I had many favorite pornstar but I use PMO as like some substitute for relationship. I think that I will be addicted to PMO as long as I will be letting myself to think that I'm not good enough for real woman or I'm not worthy to be loved by one.

 

[Androg]

Good insight. Attractiveness is an inside job. Your subconscious needs a new program. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how attractive and charismatic you are. Multiple times a day at first.

 

[Blondie]

Hey @BalthazarPL, this is understandable. It's hard to be rejected multiply times without feeling low and depressed, like there's something wrong with you. Sorry to hear about that. And as you rightly realized, porn is definitely NOT the answer for your woes and loneliness. This problem you're having is probably one of the greatest travesties of porn for us men, because it promises us 'easy' comfort, while in reality, it takes everything that we hold dear away from us, even our manhood. Nothing worthwhile in this life is easy, not in relationships, nor in our careers or long term goals, especially not in finding a woman. One thing that I think is really good to understand and to get into your head, is these women aren't 'rejecting' you, because they don't even know you. It's a dating app that is in some ways is trying to make dating easy, kind of like porn does. But even more to the point, even talking to women in real life and getting rejected is not "rejection" and it's not healthy to think of it in that way. If a friend rejects you who knows all your good qualities and bad, then yes, that's a rejection. But talking to someone you don't even know (especially on an app!) and they don't seem interested, is definitely NOT rejection. Just be happy that it saved you time and money (going on a date) that you would never get back again.

Us men need female company and companionship, and yes, we need sexual intimacy, and there's no shame about that. However, we don't need women or anyone to make us feel good about ourselves, that can only come from within. And ironically, women can feel when a man is NEEDY and wants only one thing from them; sex, a relationship etc. (I'm not saying that's you), however, this neediness drives them away, and rightfully so. Thus, try to learn how to be content with yourself, while yes, always wishing for female companionship. But remember those are two different things.

You can defeat this terrible habit, if you put your mind to it.

Love yourself and love what you can bring to this world, and to women as well.

Best

 

[BalthazarPL]

Good insight. Attractiveness is an inside job. Your subconscious needs a new program. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how attractive and charismatic you are. Multiple times a day at first.

I think that I look not bad but using this dating apps just lower my self esteen and how I think about my look. But you have a good point with this telling myself "How attractive and charismatic you are,,