Penisphoenix
Member
- DISCLAIMER
Paragraphs containing possible triggers will be indicated by three asterixes (***).
I am 27 years old, and I suffer from PIED and PIPE.I started M when I was 3 or 4 years old. I know that's exceptionally weird, but it's true. It wasn't because of my upbringing, nothing happened to me as a child, but I remember how good it felt grinding myself against the floor. I got caught up on P while in middle school, but it was mostly just centerfolds.
*** I have always had a pretty active sex life. As a teen I lost my virginity at 13, and had regular sex with girls all throughout my late teenage years. I did M during these days, but I didn't really look at P that much. Worst stuff I had was a VHS from the '80s, and it was pretty soft.
I joined the Marines at 18, and was unleashed on the world after my Marine Corps "transformation" at age 19.
***This of course made it easier for me to pick up women. What I noticed was because of this, I didn't have the need for porn ever again. I was enjoying sex with a real, flesh and blood partner. This was until I got deployed.
I got married to my wife at 19, and shortly after, they sent me to Iraq. I was gone for a year, so I kind of went crazy with the porn. Whenever I got to a FOB (forward observation, basically a comfortable military base in a combat zone), I would borrow someone's laptop, and cruise the slow, lagging internet for relief. I mean, it started by me just thinking of what I would do to my wife when I got home, then I started to see the female Marines as being pretty (and if any vets are reading this, then you'll know what I'm talking about), so I had to unload some pent up, "energy". I would even M in the port-a-shitters remembering the images from P! That's sick!
I couldn't get enough P, and when I got home, I continued my P usage. I also started drinking a LOT. I became a bad alcoholic again. I've always had an addictive personality, and just didn't know it. The first time I quit drinking, it was because I blacked out on a beach in Oceanside Ca., and woke up in a brothel in Mexico. I am an animal.... my old self disgusts me.
So, I became addicted to P, and didn't even know! I would lose my erection whenever I had sex with my wife, which I blamed on the alcohol. This happened all the time to me. It even got to the point that I pretended that I drank, even when I didn't, just so I could blame the alcohol.
Then I quit drinking altogether, but I would still lose my erections. This whole time, I've been PMOing on an average of two to three times a day, every single day. I started smoking medical marijuana for my injuries accrued overseas, and I noticed I would get very aroused when high. You know what I did when I was high? I didn't focus my horniness on my wife, instead I gave it to the tube sites. It was this perpetuated cycle that got me to the point where I regretted going to bed with my wife because I was too nervous, or whatever, to have sex with her. It wasn't her, it was me.
At some point in our marriage (7 years now), she became rightfully unhappy with me. She left me, saying we've grown apart, but as a psychology major, I read all the clear signs she was giving me. There was someone else. I called her on it, and she admitted to talking to this guy, sexting with him (no pics, i retrieved the messages), and at one point, they met on her break at work, and he kissed her. This was after she left me, but she was still living in my house until she could find a place. We have three kids together, and I didn't want her living on the street, but I kicked her out, and told her that I did not deserve that, and I'm worth more than that. This drove her crazy. She begged me to take her back, admitted her mistakes as being a bad wife, and she even admitted to not being sexual enough with me, and said that she can see clear now what it is that she wants, and that its me. (we'll see)
***I took her back after a few days, and she pulled me into the bathroom, and began giving me oral right there. It felt good, but not good enough to get me hard, especially with what was on my mind. WIthout getting into too much detail for the sake of all of us here, I'll just say that it took a lot, and eventually my own hand to get me there. Then we tried to have sex the next day, and we did. It was kind of kinky, which was weird because usually I considered sex with her to be dry since I was so used to P. But then the thought of that fucking guy kissing her crept into my head! This killed my libido, I didn't ejaculate, and I lost my erection, and I even cried like a little bitch. Yes, I cried. The once big bad Marine was bawling like a little wiener. But it's OK to cry sometimes. So I tried not to beat myself up so much. She understood, and supported me, which was pretty cool, but I chalked it up to performance anxiety. I guess I was half right.
Constantly PMO, multiple times a day, and then I expected to "perform" with my wife, and I couldn't so that made me feel inferior, and that at some point, she's going to leave me for someone else. This was al about a month ago when that wetn down, so let me fill you in on what's been happening lately.
I started to research my problem, thinking t was the ganja. I found an article that claimed THC in marijuana affects receptor cells in the soft tissue of the penis. Your erection is consisted of this soft tissue. "Holy shit!" I thought. The thing that was saving my psyche, and relieving my pain, and even cured my cancer (had mouth cancer from chewing tobacco about two years ago), was causing me to have ED!?!?!? This can't be good. So I got a second opinion.
I decided that it must be performance anxiety, so I need a confidence boost. I shaved my face, changed m look, dressed sharper, started working out (I recommend you do all of this as well as nofap and no porn) and I was feeling OK about myself. I decided that I would ask my doc at the Veterans' Hospital for some Viagra, and she is supposed to get me all set up this week, we'll see. I thought that the pills would boost my confidence levels.
But something told me to keep researching. Extraordinary claims calls for extraordinary evidence, so I knew it couldn't be the ganja, and I'm only 27, no heart problems, no diabetes, healthy as an ox, so it can't be my dick... what else is there? BOOM. YBOP pops up, and I'm floored with the info. I get so stoked that the answer might be as simple as this, "I'm addicted to porn, and masturbating way too much". The signs were there, i shared a lot of what other men were experiencing, so maybe I too, suffered from PIED.
I decided to quit looking at the junk, and that I would see about the MO. At first, I MO'ed twice, but I have not looked at any porn. I also started stretching in the mornings, like a bullshit made up yoga I threw together, coupled with some meditation. I also do some calisthenics in the mornings. I stumbled across another article on YBOP, that involved talking about being Mr. Nice Guy, and I even searched articles about being a Don Juan. The Don Juan stuff wasn't until she left me, and I decided to sack up, and start meeting women again. I have of course abandoned this idea as my wife and I are truly happy, more now than ever. Well, except for the ED and PE.
So just to recap. I did these things:- Learned some Don Juan traits
- Quit Porn
What have I learned?
NO WOMAN LIKES A MR. NICE GUY, but a guy who is confident, and stands up for himself and his values is irresistible.
My morning woods have come back, and they stand at full mast
I get full blown erections when I'm getting hot and heavy with my wife (not always, and often times it takes constant stimulation)
I stand up for myself and others who are being wronged. In fact, just today, I saw this notorious meth addict from the neighborhood peeking into someone's back yard. Normally, I would avoid the confrontation, but I confronted him. I asked him why he was looking in that guy's yard, and he said, "I know him", he told me that he does the yard work, and then I told him, "Don't you go looking in MY back yard." and he said, "I won't, I swear, I won't." and he had this intimidated look on his face. I felt like a Beast! (I wasn't trying to bully this guy, it's just that he's been known to steal shit from people)
I have become irresistible to my wife, and probably to other women. I only say that because when I go out with my wife, she points out the women who "check me out". I dn't know if it's true, but it certainly helps boost the confidence, so I'll take her word for it.
I get what I want when I want it. Or at least I try to make an effort to.
And this was all just within a one month span total, but only one week of no PMO. I know I still have a long way to go, but this makes me excited for the journey! It has only taken a week of no P to get to where I am now. I know everyone is different, so take this all with a grain of salt.
***Now my only problem is PE. As soon as I enter her, it just feels so good, and I can barely last 5 seconds. But I know that if I keep my faith with this, I'll beat that too.
