The final frontier

[rosen40]

You are reading the story of a 26y old guy currently in a severe flatline.
Dick currently shriveled and lifeless and I feel zero arousal towards anything and I don't even have cravings for anything.

I should be having the best time of my life, but I instead have to do a hardmode reboot, but i still feel motivated and hopeful.

There is a lot to share and unpack here, and I want to spend this time to tell you what I've learned and what mistakes I did, and my outlook of the future.

I believe its best to start as far back as possible.

One of the worst things is that this started very early in life.

My first sexual memory is when my parents would forget the TV on or would leave me to sleep alone in the TV room at night, years before I even had started puberty and completely oblivious to what I was watching, past a certain hour on a certain channel I would learn that you can see softcore/striptease porn and sex ads there.

Around those years I was sorta unfortunate to have friends who had somehow learned about masturbation very early and showed it to me and I started doing that as well, before I could even ejaculate yet.

Fast forward to the beginning of puberty, one day my closest friend shared his screen over online chat and showed me he was watching vanilla straight porn.
I acted uninterested and was totally embarrassed but it stimulated me a lot and so one of the next days I came home from school and looked for porn and that is when the PMO cycle started in full.

The next bad thing is that eventually I started escalating the genre, way of masturbation and frequency.

I think all of this is just your brain getting desensitised and craving new stimulus and developing certain fetishes but I think you can reboot and rewire to real females even after that, it just might take a bit longer and maybe a number of failed sex attempts once you get the opportunity.

All of this affected me badly all my life. Anxiety, shyness, bad self esteem, PIED, bad social skills, inability to interact with opposite sex and overall relationship problems with friends/family too.

I was a virgin until around 23-24 when I got too fed up and used the services of an escort. My dick sorta worked but I had very little sensitivity and could not finish. That was very important to show me I cannot continue like this and need to stop all PMO/MO to cure myself. Even though I've known that for at least 8-10 years since I found YBOP way back then at 16-17.

Other life troubles would distract me from remembering how bad porn (and masturbation after you've fucked up your wiring) are and I kept occasionally doing it, despite experiencing all the terrible side effects and knowing its not good and I had long bouts where dealing with women was the last thing on my mind, so I still haven't properly wired to the real deal yet.

But still at 25-26 years old I finally learned enough about women to start being able to have some experience with them.

I just had my first girlfriend and as you can imagine it ended badly, because of my PIED and inexperience but also because she was insufferable, but I am super glad about having this experience.

I learned SO MUCH about women and about what I can do better next time. But I need a working dick for that, so this is why I am here and starting this journal.

I've noticed though, that despite how early I started and for how long and the types of things I did, when I do commit to a reboot, I make good recovery progress (max i've went is ~3 months of hardmode), it's just I didn't have the opportunity to wire with a partner and eventually I would succumb back.

I attribute that to the good physical health I maintain. Been in the gym and eating healthy for 9 years now. Zero drugs, alcohol and smoking too.

After just a few weeks/couple of months I tend to start getting hard erections from just texting or thinking about a girl i am engaging or other random things, even though I would expect a much longer reboot time, granted how early it started for me.

I hope this happens this time too and I can heal and enjoy life.

The relationship I was in just ended yesterday but it started online as a long distance one. I actually moved and started working near her just 10 days ago JUST so I can experience this and I don't regret it one bit. Despite it only lasting 10 days once i was near her. Learned invaluable lessons.

We did have sex a few times but it didn't go well. I was actually doing well on reboot front past few months and when I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her I would get hard erections just a few weeks ago. But I was so aroused and I succumbed to some porn/MO and it sent me into a flatline and when I did meet her, my performance suffered badly.

My stupid ass MO'd a few days before meeting her and kickstarted a flatline and a few more times AFTER the unfulfilling sex cuz i foolishly thought some vanilla porn could help me wire to female and help me perform better next time but instead it worsened the flatline even further.

Her personality was in complete clash with mine, I've also been in so much stress lately so I kinda attribute it to that too.

Combine all the stress of night shifts at a new job, moving, performance anxiety, managing relationship with a crazy hoe, failed sex attempts during a flatline and some relapses = easily explain why my brain is just fried right now and my dick doesn't work at all right now. I am positive in time it will work.

I saw some light at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago. There were some days where I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her and I would be rocking PAINFUL erections with NO touch for prolonged amount of time.

So I KNOW that when you are in good health and you stay away from bad habits you HEAL and you can get excited for real females and your dick still works. You just need to have the willpower to stay clean and start wiring with females.

Last time I watched porn was probably a week ago and I haven't MO'd for about that amount too but last few days were definitely clean so I'll go ahead and call this day 2 since I started writing this yesterday and I've been clean at least since.

I cannot be sure that I'll have the sex life I want in just 90 days but I am very sure about not watching porn again. No MO for long time too. I'll use this recovery time to save some cash as I earn a lot more here, but I still plan to go back home once i feel ready.

ITS DAY 2 BABY, LET'S GO

 

[Androg]

You are reading the story of a 26y old guy currently in a severe flatline.
Dick currently shriveled and lifeless and I feel zero arousal towards anything and I don't even have cravings for anything.

I should be having the best time of my life, but I instead have to do a hardmode reboot, but i still feel motivated and hopeful.

There is a lot to share and unpack here, and I want to spend this time to tell you what I've learned and what mistakes I did, and my outlook of the future.

I believe its best to start as far back as possible.

One of the worst things is that this started very early in life.

My first sexual memory is when my parents would forget the TV on or would leave me to sleep alone in the TV room at night, years before I even had started puberty and completely oblivious to what I was watching, past a certain hour on a certain channel I would learn that you can see softcore/striptease porn and sex ads there.

Around those years I was sorta unfortunate to have friends who had somehow learned about masturbation very early and showed it to me and I started doing that as well, before I could even ejaculate yet.

Fast forward to the beginning of puberty, one day my closest friend shared his screen over online chat and showed me he was watching vanilla straight porn.
I acted uninterested and was totally embarrassed but it stimulated me a lot and so one of the next days I came home from school and looked for porn and that is when the PMO cycle started in full.

The next bad thing is that eventually I started escalating the genre, way of masturbation and frequency.

I think all of this is just your brain getting desensitised and craving new stimulus and developing certain fetishes but I think you can reboot and rewire to real females even after that, it just might take a bit longer and maybe a number of failed sex attempts once you get the opportunity.

All of this affected me badly all my life. Anxiety, shyness, bad self esteem, PIED, bad social skills, inability to interact with opposite sex and overall relationship problems with friends/family too.

I was a virgin until around 23-24 when I got too fed up and used the services of an escort. My dick sorta worked but I had very little sensitivity and could not finish. That was very important to show me I cannot continue like this and need to stop all PMO/MO to cure myself. Even though I've known that for at least 8-10 years since I found YBOP way back then at 16-17.

Other life troubles would distract me from remembering how bad porn (and masturbation after you've fucked up your wiring) are and I kept occasionally doing it, despite experiencing all the terrible side effects and knowing its not good and I had long bouts where dealing with women was the last thing on my mind, so I still haven't properly wired to the real deal yet.

But still at 25-26 years old I finally learned enough about women to start being able to have some experience with them.

I just had my first girlfriend and as you can imagine it ended badly, because of my PIED and inexperience but also because she was insufferable, but I am super glad about having this experience.

I learned SO MUCH about women and about what I can do better next time. But I need a working dick for that, so this is why I am here and starting this journal.

I've noticed though, that despite how early I started and for how long and the types of things I did, when I do commit to a reboot, I make good recovery progress (max i've went is ~3 months of hardmode), it's just I didn't have the opportunity to wire with a partner and eventually I would succumb back.

I attribute that to the good physical health I maintain. Been in the gym and eating healthy for 9 years now. Zero drugs, alcohol and smoking too.

After just a few weeks/couple of months I tend to start getting hard erections from just texting or thinking about a girl i am engaging or other random things, even though I would expect a much longer reboot time, granted how early it started for me.

I hope this happens this time too and I can heal and enjoy life.

The relationship I was in just ended yesterday but it started online as a long distance one. I actually moved and started working near her just 10 days ago JUST so I can experience this and I don't regret it one bit. Despite it only lasting 10 days once i was near her. Learned invaluable lessons.

We did have sex a few times but it didn't go well. I was actually doing well on reboot front past few months and when I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her I would get hard erections just a few weeks ago. But I was so aroused and I succumbed to some porn/MO and it sent me into a flatline and when I did meet her, my performance suffered badly.

My stupid ass MO'd a few days before meeting her and kickstarted a flatline and a few more times AFTER the unfulfilling sex cuz i foolishly thought some vanilla porn could help me wire to female and help me perform better next time but instead it worsened the flatline even further.

Her personality was in complete clash with mine, I've also been in so much stress lately so I kinda attribute it to that too.

Combine all the stress of night shifts at a new job, moving, performance anxiety, managing relationship with a crazy hoe, failed sex attempts during a flatline and some relapses = easily explain why my brain is just fried right now and my dick doesn't work at all right now. I am positive in time it will work.

I saw some light at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago. There were some days where I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her and I would be rocking PAINFUL erections with NO touch for prolonged amount of time.

So I KNOW that when you are in good health and you stay away from bad habits you HEAL and you can get excited for real females and your dick still works. You just need to have the willpower to stay clean and start wiring with females.

Last time I watched porn was probably a week ago and I haven't MO'd for about that amount too but last few days were definitely clean so I'll go ahead and call this day 2 since I started writing this yesterday and I've been clean at least since.

I cannot be sure that I'll have the sex life I want in just 90 days but I am very sure about not watching porn again. No MO for long time too. I'll use this recovery time to save some cash as I earn a lot more here, but I still plan to go back home once i feel ready.

ITS DAY 2 BABY, LET'S GO

The flat line is a sign that recovery is in progress. Be patient and keep going.

 

[rosen40]

Day 3. Done. No P and no dick touching. Actually had medium erections after sleeping/napping a few times already, but not every time. Not much else going on still. Its a gradual process and strong belief in healing remains. Feeling a bit better.

 

[rosen40]

Day 4. Done. Hardmode going strong. Weak and short lived morning wood and the rest of the day feeling kinda down and no other sign of life in genital area. Just me and my thoughts and hopes of returning to normal while doing all work and responsibilites.

Longing for companionship but while on a flatline all i feel like doing is just banging out errands/work and planning for the future.

Not that there are any females around me i would want to date anyways. Living in a small town in a foreign country until i save enough to go back home and hopefully by then dick wakes up.

 

[Androg]

Chances are that the timing will be perfect. But socialize as much as you can in the meantime. GL!

 

[rosen40]

Day 5. Done. Not even morning wood today but i guess thats the nature of the beast.

It sucks to feel this way but i just feel like i am simply existing in a limbo and waiting for the day my penis feels responsive again.

I just know that the path to the life i want contains 0 porn usage, so i feel super confident i won't relapse. I also plan that my next ejaculation, whenever that is, will be with a female, so MO until recovery is also out of the menu.

I have determined my mind 100%. Failing because of weak will cannot happen.

 

[Androg]

Penises in recovery have their own mysterious timing. The less you dwell on Mr. Happy and his state of tumescence, the better. No "testing." No worrying. Just get on with sorting out the rest of your life. Ask Swimmer. He's a master.

 

[rosen40]

Day 10. Hardmode. Done. Past several days have been tough, not because any want to relapse but because the flatline hit even harder and all MW had ceased too.

Also my general mood was very negative and i was overthinking like hell. OCD-like.

Some of it has to do with the type of things i had watched years ago. Flashbacks and overthinking about it.

But today is different. Woke up earlier with strong morning wood and i stayed there laying in bed for at least 5 minutes before it went down.

Feeling more positive. Less overthinking. Less flashbacks.

I have switched to 100% wholefoods diet. Ruminant meat, fruits, eggs, whole milk, raw garlic, honey. ZERO processed food.

My shoulder that was bugging me, stopped doing that.

Go outside everyday, especially if there is good sunlight. Walks. Resistance training. Hydrate a lot.

Ordered some supplements after some research. B Vitamin complex, Ashwagandha and Fenugreek.

I am beyond focused and determined. I am certain that improving health as much as possible can only help recovery and this is all i desire.

 

[Androg]

Day 10. Hardmode. Done. Past several days have been tough, not because any want to relapse but because the flatline hit even harder and all MW had ceased too.

Also my general mood was very negative and i was overthinking like hell. OCD-like.

Some of it has to do with the type of things i had watched years ago. Flashbacks and overthinking about it.

But today is different. Woke up earlier with strong morning wood and i stayed there laying in bed for at least 5 minutes before it went down.

Feeling more positive. Less overthinking. Less flashbacks.

I have switched to 100% wholefoods diet. Ruminant meat, fruits, eggs, whole milk, raw garlic, honey. ZERO processed food.

My shoulder that was bugging me, stopped doing that.

Go outside everyday, especially if there is good sunlight. Walks. Resistance training. Hydrate a lot.

Ordered some supplements after some research. B Vitamin complex, Ashwagandha and Fenugreek.

I am beyond focused and determined. I am certain that improving health as much as possible can only help recovery and this is all i desire.

Glad to hear you are turning the corner. But still expect a few ups and downs. Recovery is not linear.

 

[rosen40]

I still expect long recovery and even if i feel "normal" in not too distant future, i feel i need to be very cautious about when i start trying to reteach my brain to get aroused by real women.

Think its risky to rush it. I hope i can get occasional spontaneous erections throughout the day.
As previously rightly stated, i think it will be wise to use the time and focus on other things. Still pretty young so i have time. For sure waiting AT LEAST, the 90 days. Absolute minimum.

 

[rosen40]

Day 11. Done. Woke up with morning wood again and this time it just refused to go down until i went and used the bathroom.

I do think that my improved lifestyle and nutrition has to do with this positive outcome, not just the abstinence.

 

[rosen40]

Day 12. Done. 3rd consecutive day of waking up with an erection that refused to go down until the bathrom.
Actually looks like its even fuller each day, even the glans looked more full, so physically i think i am making great recovery progress but still definitely flatline/paws.

Very strict nutrition, a lot of sleep, sunlight and lots of movement helps a lot but i guess that only puts you in a good state to start recovering but the brain itself recovers from the conditioning we have put it through, only at its pace.

Mood is swingy but at least i do have moments where i feel good but that inner fire that you should feel after 2-3 weeks of abstinence is just not there. No arousal. But i won't chase it. I must believe it will come back on its own.

Time will tell.