You are reading the story of a 26y old guy currently in a severe flatline.
Dick currently shriveled and lifeless and I feel zero arousal towards anything and I don't even have cravings for anything.
I should be having the best time of my life, but I instead have to do a hardmode reboot, but i still feel motivated and hopeful.
There is a lot to share and unpack here, and I want to spend this time to tell you what I've learned and what mistakes I did, and my outlook of the future.
I believe its best to start as far back as possible.
One of the worst things is that this started very early in life.
My first sexual memory is when my parents would forget the TV on or would leave me to sleep alone in the TV room at night, years before I even had started puberty and completely oblivious to what I was watching, past a certain hour on a certain channel I would learn that you can see softcore/striptease porn and sex ads there.
Around those years I was sorta unfortunate to have friends who had somehow learned about masturbation very early and showed it to me and I started doing that as well, before I could even ejaculate yet.
Fast forward to the beginning of puberty, one day my closest friend shared his screen over online chat and showed me he was watching vanilla straight porn.
I acted uninterested and was totally embarrassed but it stimulated me a lot and so one of the next days I came home from school and looked for porn and that is when the PMO cycle started in full.
The next bad thing is that eventually I started escalating the genre, way of masturbation and frequency.
I think all of this is just your brain getting desensitised and craving new stimulus and developing certain fetishes but I think you can reboot and rewire to real females even after that, it just might take a bit longer and maybe a number of failed sex attempts once you get the opportunity.
All of this affected me badly all my life. Anxiety, shyness, bad self esteem, PIED, bad social skills, inability to interact with opposite sex and overall relationship problems with friends/family too.
I was a virgin until around 23-24 when I got too fed up and used the services of an escort. My dick sorta worked but I had very little sensitivity and could not finish. That was very important to show me I cannot continue like this and need to stop all PMO/MO to cure myself. Even though I've known that for at least 8-10 years since I found YBOP way back then at 16-17.
Other life troubles would distract me from remembering how bad porn (and masturbation after you've fucked up your wiring) are and I kept occasionally doing it, despite experiencing all the terrible side effects and knowing its not good and I had long bouts where dealing with women was the last thing on my mind, so I still haven't properly wired to the real deal yet.
But still at 25-26 years old I finally learned enough about women to start being able to have some experience with them.
I just had my first girlfriend and as you can imagine it ended badly, because of my PIED and inexperience but also because she was insufferable, but I am super glad about having this experience.
I learned SO MUCH about women and about what I can do better next time. But I need a working dick for that, so this is why I am here and starting this journal.
I've noticed though, that despite how early I started and for how long and the types of things I did, when I do commit to a reboot, I make good recovery progress (max i've went is ~3 months of hardmode), it's just I didn't have the opportunity to wire with a partner and eventually I would succumb back.
I attribute that to the good physical health I maintain. Been in the gym and eating healthy for 9 years now. Zero drugs, alcohol and smoking too.
After just a few weeks/couple of months I tend to start getting hard erections from just texting or thinking about a girl i am engaging or other random things, even though I would expect a much longer reboot time, granted how early it started for me.
I hope this happens this time too and I can heal and enjoy life.
The relationship I was in just ended yesterday but it started online as a long distance one. I actually moved and started working near her just 10 days ago JUST so I can experience this and I don't regret it one bit. Despite it only lasting 10 days once i was near her. Learned invaluable lessons.
We did have sex a few times but it didn't go well. I was actually doing well on reboot front past few months and when I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her I would get hard erections just a few weeks ago. But I was so aroused and I succumbed to some porn/MO and it sent me into a flatline and when I did meet her, my performance suffered badly.
My stupid ass MO'd a few days before meeting her and kickstarted a flatline and a few more times AFTER the unfulfilling sex cuz i foolishly thought some vanilla porn could help me wire to female and help me perform better next time but instead it worsened the flatline even further.
Her personality was in complete clash with mine, I've also been in so much stress lately so I kinda attribute it to that too.
Combine all the stress of night shifts at a new job, moving, performance anxiety, managing relationship with a crazy hoe, failed sex attempts during a flatline and some relapses = easily explain why my brain is just fried right now and my dick doesn't work at all right now. I am positive in time it will work.
I saw some light at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago. There were some days where I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her and I would be rocking PAINFUL erections with NO touch for prolonged amount of time.
So I KNOW that when you are in good health and you stay away from bad habits you HEAL and you can get excited for real females and your dick still works. You just need to have the willpower to stay clean and start wiring with females.
Last time I watched porn was probably a week ago and I haven't MO'd for about that amount too but last few days were definitely clean so I'll go ahead and call this day 2 since I started writing this yesterday and I've been clean at least since.
I cannot be sure that I'll have the sex life I want in just 90 days but I am very sure about not watching porn again. No MO for long time too. I'll use this recovery time to save some cash as I earn a lot more here, but I still plan to go back home once i feel ready.
ITS DAY 2 BABY, LET'S GO
Dick currently shriveled and lifeless and I feel zero arousal towards anything and I don't even have cravings for anything.
I should be having the best time of my life, but I instead have to do a hardmode reboot, but i still feel motivated and hopeful.
There is a lot to share and unpack here, and I want to spend this time to tell you what I've learned and what mistakes I did, and my outlook of the future.
I believe its best to start as far back as possible.
One of the worst things is that this started very early in life.
My first sexual memory is when my parents would forget the TV on or would leave me to sleep alone in the TV room at night, years before I even had started puberty and completely oblivious to what I was watching, past a certain hour on a certain channel I would learn that you can see softcore/striptease porn and sex ads there.
Around those years I was sorta unfortunate to have friends who had somehow learned about masturbation very early and showed it to me and I started doing that as well, before I could even ejaculate yet.
Fast forward to the beginning of puberty, one day my closest friend shared his screen over online chat and showed me he was watching vanilla straight porn.
I acted uninterested and was totally embarrassed but it stimulated me a lot and so one of the next days I came home from school and looked for porn and that is when the PMO cycle started in full.
The next bad thing is that eventually I started escalating the genre, way of masturbation and frequency.
I think all of this is just your brain getting desensitised and craving new stimulus and developing certain fetishes but I think you can reboot and rewire to real females even after that, it just might take a bit longer and maybe a number of failed sex attempts once you get the opportunity.
All of this affected me badly all my life. Anxiety, shyness, bad self esteem, PIED, bad social skills, inability to interact with opposite sex and overall relationship problems with friends/family too.
I was a virgin until around 23-24 when I got too fed up and used the services of an escort. My dick sorta worked but I had very little sensitivity and could not finish. That was very important to show me I cannot continue like this and need to stop all PMO/MO to cure myself. Even though I've known that for at least 8-10 years since I found YBOP way back then at 16-17.
Other life troubles would distract me from remembering how bad porn (and masturbation after you've fucked up your wiring) are and I kept occasionally doing it, despite experiencing all the terrible side effects and knowing its not good and I had long bouts where dealing with women was the last thing on my mind, so I still haven't properly wired to the real deal yet.
But still at 25-26 years old I finally learned enough about women to start being able to have some experience with them.
I just had my first girlfriend and as you can imagine it ended badly, because of my PIED and inexperience but also because she was insufferable, but I am super glad about having this experience.
I learned SO MUCH about women and about what I can do better next time. But I need a working dick for that, so this is why I am here and starting this journal.
I've noticed though, that despite how early I started and for how long and the types of things I did, when I do commit to a reboot, I make good recovery progress (max i've went is ~3 months of hardmode), it's just I didn't have the opportunity to wire with a partner and eventually I would succumb back.
I attribute that to the good physical health I maintain. Been in the gym and eating healthy for 9 years now. Zero drugs, alcohol and smoking too.
After just a few weeks/couple of months I tend to start getting hard erections from just texting or thinking about a girl i am engaging or other random things, even though I would expect a much longer reboot time, granted how early it started for me.
I hope this happens this time too and I can heal and enjoy life.
The relationship I was in just ended yesterday but it started online as a long distance one. I actually moved and started working near her just 10 days ago JUST so I can experience this and I don't regret it one bit. Despite it only lasting 10 days once i was near her. Learned invaluable lessons.
We did have sex a few times but it didn't go well. I was actually doing well on reboot front past few months and when I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her I would get hard erections just a few weeks ago. But I was so aroused and I succumbed to some porn/MO and it sent me into a flatline and when I did meet her, my performance suffered badly.
My stupid ass MO'd a few days before meeting her and kickstarted a flatline and a few more times AFTER the unfulfilling sex cuz i foolishly thought some vanilla porn could help me wire to female and help me perform better next time but instead it worsened the flatline even further.
Her personality was in complete clash with mine, I've also been in so much stress lately so I kinda attribute it to that too.
Combine all the stress of night shifts at a new job, moving, performance anxiety, managing relationship with a crazy hoe, failed sex attempts during a flatline and some relapses = easily explain why my brain is just fried right now and my dick doesn't work at all right now. I am positive in time it will work.
I saw some light at the end of the tunnel just a few weeks ago. There were some days where I was facetiming her or even just thinking about her and I would be rocking PAINFUL erections with NO touch for prolonged amount of time.
So I KNOW that when you are in good health and you stay away from bad habits you HEAL and you can get excited for real females and your dick still works. You just need to have the willpower to stay clean and start wiring with females.
Last time I watched porn was probably a week ago and I haven't MO'd for about that amount too but last few days were definitely clean so I'll go ahead and call this day 2 since I started writing this yesterday and I've been clean at least since.
I cannot be sure that I'll have the sex life I want in just 90 days but I am very sure about not watching porn again. No MO for long time too. I'll use this recovery time to save some cash as I earn a lot more here, but I still plan to go back home once i feel ready.
ITS DAY 2 BABY, LET'S GO