Old demons

[olafthewise]

Seems they got me, I lose.
I was good for years but wife sex starved me and I went back to sewer.
Confessed everything to her in 2018. Not a good idea. To her, every sexual request is "from porn."
Her belief is that if she can easily go without sex, husband can too.
So, I gave in to porn again. Old habits except not daily. Just pissed off inoculation. No good. Gave it all up over month ago. But new user in house (autistic son) made her point finger at me.
Sex starvation is here again.
No job. No legacy. Porn past and she mad. No connection which she desires but impossible without sex. I fear the worst.

 

[joepanic]

I honestly believe that sometimes women will use things like this as an excuse for just not being interested in sex anymore. I would look at yourself and work on being the best version of yourself possible. Than when you are an awesome man give yourself a date that if she can't see you for who you have become than it's time to move on. Life is too short to be a victim of revenge. Or the catalyst for an excuse of just being lazy. There is also a possible control issue/power struggle to consider. These things may become clear when you are clean again. Also in the meantime work with your son on supporting his recovery from this addiction

Post often it helps me it helps you

 

[Androg]

Seems they got me, I lose.
I was good for years but wife sex starved me and I went back to sewer.
Confessed everything to her in 2018. Not a good idea. To her, every sexual request is "from porn."
Her belief is that if she can easily go without sex, husband can too.
So, I gave in to porn again. Old habits except not daily. Just pissed off inoculation. No good. Gave it all up over month ago. But new user in house (autistic son) made her point finger at me.
Sex starvation is here again.
No job. No legacy. Porn past and she mad. No connection which she desires but impossible without sex. I fear the worst.

Sorry things are stressful. Try daily snuggling for a while. That should melt her if you are patient.

 

[GBS]

No connection which she desires but impossible without sex. I fear the worst.

Hi @olafthewise

I am very familiar with your dilemma. I have been there and am on a near 18 month crusade to put things right. For me it started by my wife saying get your shit together or I’m off. It metamorphosed into my realisation that I had changed my personality by watching porn. You may or may not have done this to yourself, but you will most surely realise if/when you’re different from not watching porn. I also quickly realised that I needed to quit masturbating as well. That’s impossible completely, so I was about once a month. I tried 3 months without and achieved it but not without climbing the walls. But I did change. Wife still said no. So that’s tricky. You/I change and still no great affection, zero intimacy. So what’s the answer?

The answer is that the changes you will make to yourself are utterly life affirming. Your wife will come round. I am sure of it. No one can tell you when she will, but it’s a near certainty. After all, what does she want? A new loving husband who doesn’t watch porn or masturbate. That’s the holy grail for her. She will get there. No one can tell you when she will get there, but having the love and respect to allow her to heal is the classiest thing you can do.

I wish you good luck.