Thoughts on antidepressants?

[lukeman3000]

I was recently diagnosed with major depressive disorder by a psychiatrist and prescribed Wellbutrin XL 150mg. Both my psychiatrist and my therapist think it would be good for me to try, because I’ve likely been depressed for literally years now.

The reason that I sought out a psychiatrist is because I’ve been experiencing suicidal thoughts intermittently over the past 4-5 months. Coincidentally, 4-5 months ago is also when I decided to try removing porn from my life once again (and I’ve been mostly porn free during that time with a handful of exceptions more recently).

Am I experiencing withdrawal? Are my depression and suicidal thoughts related to my porn use over the past ~20 years? I don’t know. I don’t think it’s possible to answer that question.

And as such I feel like I’m at an impossible crossroads. If someone said “Luke, the reason you’re experiencing all this is because of porn, and you just need more time away from it” then it would be so much easier to endure what I’ve been experiencing, knowing it will likely get better at some point. But I don’t have any such guarantee or assurance - it’s possible that these things aren’t even related to porn.

I guess I’m afraid of Wellbutrin somehow interfering with my recovery from porn if in fact that’s what’s going on. But I have no data to support this; it’s purely speculative. There seems to be little information or studies out there on how Wellbutrin affects the brain during addiction recovery, much less porn addiction, specifically.

I’m also afraid of not treating my depression and potentially acting on these suicidal ideations at some point. I don’t think that I would, but already this experience has shown me that I don’t have as much control over myself as I previously might have thought.

I just don’t know what to do. The prospect of continuing to suffer for months or even years (while waiting for my brain to recover from porn) is extremely daunting, especially knowing that there’s a tiny pill I could take each day that might ease my pain to some degree. At the same time, I want what’s best for my body and mind - it’s just not at all clear to me what that is.

Perhaps Wellbutrin could be a tool to help me throughout the process of withdrawal (again, assuming that’s what’s going on here). And if it’s not what’s going on, then maybe I could benefit from it even more. I’ve been taking it for about 4 or 5 days and I already seem to be feeling a bit better; I just hope that I’m not halting or dramatically lengthening the recovery process in some way.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

 

[Androg]

Sorry things are so rough. Withdrawal is miserable, but porn isn't the cause of everyone's malaise. It's good you sought professional help. I've heard that Wellbutrin doesn't interfere with libido as often as some other anti-depressants do, so it could be a good bet. Sometimes you just have to experiment to find the right combination of steps to heal. All the best!

 

[lukeman3000]

Sorry things are so rough. Withdrawal is miserable, but porn isn't the cause of everyone's malaise. It's good you sought professional help. I've heard that Wellbutrin doesn't interfere with libido as often as some other anti-depressants do, so it could be a good bet. Sometimes you just have to experiment to find the right combination of steps to heal. All the best!

Thanks for the kind words. I think you’re right and that trying Wellbutrin XL for awhile is a good bet. It’s something I’ve never tried before and for whatever reason I seem to be really struggling right now; maybe I need a little help to get through whatever this is. I’ve just wanted to feel better for so long, and at this point I’m willing to try just about anything provided it doesn’t have unreasonable risks. From what I understand, I don’t think Wellbutrin falls into that category, and in fact, it might actually really help me.

I’m glad that you’re not hyper focused on porn, even though this is a porn forum. And I have no doubt that I have an issue with it, but to what extent it’s responsible for my symptoms I can’t say. I have to operate under the assumption that my depression could be caused by orher things, too. And even if it is solely due to porn, I’m still really struggling right now and need some help.

I have experienced suicidal thoughts in the past but it’s been many years. I will say, I haven’t experienced anything like this in a very long time, and it’s an interesting coincidence that this all started after my most recent attempt to quit using porn. It definitely makes me raise an eyebrow, but it’s still hard to believe and accept that porn truly could cause this magnitude of depression and suicidal ideation. At any rate, nothing can be proven, but I will continue on my journey to rid myself of it while also trying to heal from my depression. I think that’s the best I can possibly do.