Surely this time!


New Member
Okay, I have been trying to stop PMOing for years. I joined the reforged man course by Mark Queppet 2 years ago, that was a considerable financial and time investment but it didn't work.
I'm 60 years old, although I'm in pretty good shape and am always assumed to be around 40, however that doesn't mean that much because I am nonetheless 60. I was introduced to porn by my older brother (10 years older), when I was around 12-15 years old. That, together with shyness at school, equated to porn and masturbating. It was probably not as damaging as now because it was just magazines. I graduated to videos in the '90s but when I got my first computer in 2000 and all the porn I could ever want, the floodgates opened!
I've had a couple of streaks over the last 2 years, the longest was about 3-4 weeks. Currently I'm deep in a binging hole and have been for 3 weeks, using 2-3 times per day. The length of time of each session and the type of porn tells me that my dopamine system is really depleted. In that 3 weeks my motivation to do anything else, has plumetted, I'm neglecting everything else and depressed. It couldn't be much clearer that the inertia and depression are linked to the daily binging. This is about the strongest signal I could possibly get that I need to control this and stop PMOing forever.

I don't understand some aspects of this addiction. I am ex-army and served in Afghanistan and Iraq, and while I was deployed, I never craved or even thought about PMOing. I didn't have the means or the privacy. If it was a drug addiction I'm sure the experience would have been different, so I think it is partly an addiction of opportunity.
I think I've been using for so long that it's gone past triggers and is now a habit associated with opportunity. I've totally blocked porn from my computer and it took months to figure how to do that as I was easily getting around all of the first blocking methods I tried. I'm now using my phone to download and transferring it to my computer so I have to figure out how to block porn on my phone now. I have about 100 GB of porn saved and will gradually delete it all. Deleting it all in one go didn't help in the past so I'll delete one folder every day I succeed.
So here I am again. I'm going all out this time and using all resources such as this forum journal.
My plan is to:
spend 30 minutes doing written and reading anti-porn exercises every day.
Write up the day's timetable every morning
Go for a walk every morning.

I PMO'd this morning so tomorrow will be day 1.