This is my first post. I'm new to all this, and trying to stop almost 30 years of PMO. I've tried stopping countless times without long term success. I'm trying again but this time with support in place. My TH suggested I join a support group bc by keeping this a secret I'll continue to struggle. I've got a week "clean" right now, my longest streak is a month in the past 15 years. Before then it was several months. Right now it's only bc of will power, but I don't know how much longer that's going to last. Where do I start? How do I continue this progress?
Where To Start
- Thread starter Hist_Nerd
- Start date
I appreciate the reply. Triggers is a great place to start and what my ultimate goal is. Thanks.What’s up lion?
Greets from Germany
Where to start…. What about to recognize when and where you have the biggest impact?
What are your biggest trigger?
What is your goal? (Please not something like “Wanna quit Porn” … a real goal like “Wanna feel unchained” “Being happy” etc.
joepanic
Respected Member
Welcome to our little party many of us have a lot in common here. Where to start? perhaps try writing down the reasons you turn porn. We all have a back story that caused us to turn to porn. perhaps exploring those situations and trying to find ways to eliminate them. I also think about people I know and tell myself This isn't what Dan is doing. he is practicing his guitar and getting better so i would go and pick mine up and say I'll surf porn after I practice for 10 minutes. quite often I found myself practicing longer and skipping a day of porn. Of course i would be back to the porn the next day but after a while I found I was beginning to break patterns. or I would say to myself my wife is so much stronger than me as she never watched porn in her whole life. Why would I want to be weak. Again putting thoughts into my head of reasons not to surf porn. There are many ideas to be found on this site. You need to take those that might work for you Try applying them and see what happens
Escapeandnevercomeback
Respected Member
Yes, this is one of the most important things in recovery, getting to the root of the problem. Answering the question: "Why do I keep using PMO when I know I want to quit and it brings me no benefits?" And it can't be something as simple as withdrawal (urges etc.) Because if it was just this, I believe one would make the decision to suffer for a while and get rid of it forever. If someone keeps returning to porn, there is something else.
People in the 12 steps model of recovery call addiction a "disease". I'm not debating whether it is an accurate naming or not but I was watching some Steve-o videos and I like some things he said, something along the lines of: The disease is not the alcoholism, but the thing(s) that have made you and keep you an alcoholic. Not in those words but you get the idea. Also something else he said: I never suffered from alcoholism until I got sober. This is closer to the actual quote but that's the thing, these 2 phrases are a good representation of what we're dealing with.
The thing is, I believe quitting any addiction is a journey, it's not just about stopping using your drug of choice because in the long run, if all you practice is white-knuckling abstinence, it won't last. People ask all the time what do I need to do in order to quit porn but this is not something to answer easily, I believe you need to find your way. What can you do to become that version of yourself who would like some porn but decided to say no I'm good though, I don't need it and I won't use it? That's the thing. Steve-o also said this: When it comes to other diseases (he also calls addiction a "disease" as a AA person), all we want is to get back to who we were, how healthy we were before we got sick. Alcoholism is that disease that once we get rid of it, we become better versions of ourselves. I'm sure I've butchered his quotes but it was for a good cause
I have the habit of not writing down when I find quotes but I should.Thank you joepanic said and Escapeandnevercomeback. I appreciate the words of encouragement. Steve-o has some good quotes. I used to journal what was going on in my head when I'd start 'craving" but I got away from it. It did help me process the reasons I used. I'll work on getting back to that, but adding reasons why I want to stop. Thanks y'all.
DLS184
Member
Yo it’s me again
I was thinking about your situation, because I feel this situation so much
At this time I’m working in a psychiatry for my education and this work give me a lot questions “why do people things” etc.
Well… and then I was thinking about you
One big deal is…. Time
Believe me or not… having time can be great or it is the reason for sickness
At school/work etc. it’s difficult to watch porn and maybe you are not thinking about it
You are coming home and BOOM .. free mind and you have space
Remember people in 1960 for example
They don’t had time for porn… working hard and having a family—> always hustling
Plus how you think is a point
Of course you are failing again and again when you are saying „I’m sick… I’m not ok“ -> you are destroying yourself
How you think and live is important for your recovery
It’s a different between „I have to do this“ and „I wanna do this“
If something become your lifestyle… it’s such easier to do this
When you are thinking „I wanna live this life without porn“ it’s easier because it’s sounds not like you are „temporary defect“
It’s more like giving support to yourself