Reclamation
Member
I've had enough of the damage this has caused in my life and those around me. It's seeped into my life in so many harmful ways to a point where this isn't my own issue anymore. For example, just about every monogamous relationship I've had, has ended due to this issue. And my last partner didn't even know the extent of it. In fact, she enabled it. I'm turning 30 this year and I've honestly had enough. I'm gonna work on the trauma driving this and commit myself to the recovery process. I've got this. I'm also gonna keep a track of my patterns and note down my insights along the way. I had an intensity around meeting my need for effectiveness in my old posts. I had a desire for optimization. This time I'm gonna keep things loose and let things flow out of the open space. I'll allow fleeting thoughts in more and just write what I'm thinking. Right now I'm questioning having a period of complete abstinence or not. It's surprisingly tempting for the first time in my life. The reason I say so is that my porn addiction is evolving to an interest in acting out with casual sex and escorts . Casual sex might even be fine, but I know deep down I'm using it as another source of dopamine or quick reward, as opposed to patiently earning the rewards and enforcing my effort. I'm gonna center this approach around universal human needs this time, because I've realized how fundamental this concept is. I'm also interested in eastern philosophy and consciousness, so that will no doubt come up a lot too.