Depressed, is it the reboot?

[Innocence]

Hello everyone,

As I'm pretty far in my reboot I've started to notice I've started feeling awfully depressed to the point where I'd rather stay in bed the entire day, my motivation is also just under the ground because I don't feel like doing anything. Hell I haven't even cleaned my room in 2 weeks from now. It's a total mess.
Just not feeling like myself, I've lost track of time and just feel confused a lot like the brain fog is hitting me very hard.

Also, it's not like I have a flatline but I don't have any urges either, the only productive thing I do is going to the gym once (or twice) a week.
Is this more common to be so depressed and have a heavy brain fog without the flatline during your reboot?
Because I feel slightly confused when I see everyone exploding out of sudden motivation etc etc after a while while I'm just not improving that much.

Thank you for reading this topic, I'd love to get some replies.

 

[qrayzHD]

Can you be sure you aren't in a flatline, have you got morning wood? have you MOd or had a wet dream recently?

 

[Innocence]

Can you be sure you aren't in a flatline, have you got morning wood? have you MOd or had a wet dream recently?

Morning wood: sometimes, sometimes not.
MOd: nope
Wet dream: never had one in my entire life.

I do get some boners through the day though.

 

[datkid93]

Ican relate a bit. I honestly have no desire to really do anything. I guess u could say I'm depressed but my mood isny really that low it's just more of the fact that that Im not satisfied the turn my life has taken especially with my sexual taste. I  honestly don't really have a desire to socialize with anyone like I just don't really seem that social even with my friends. I don't even know. I don't get any morning wood and haven't rwally noticed any random erections either. It sucks therection are days I don't even feel like I'm living my life.  I don't really don't find that I really enjoy the little things like before my mind is just extremely unsatisfied where I staND now.

 

[Mbg]

It sounds like you are going through withdrawals.  This is a normal experience for any addict, including a porn addict.  You're not getting the same spikes of dopamine that you were getting from PMO.  These feelings will pass in time.  I suggest journaling and staying focused on recovery.  Read some literature and get on the forum.  I also got on anti depressants.  If your depression is debilitating I suggest going to the doctor.  Listening to music or drawing are other ways to get healthy spikes of dopamine which might ease the withdrawals.  Good luck and keep at it, things will get easier. 

 

[qrayzHD]

What Mbg said, it doesn't sound like you are in a flatline but experiencing withdrawals.

 

[Innocence]

It sounds like you are going through withdrawals.  This is a normal experience for any addict, including a porn addict.  You're not getting the same spikes of dopamine that you were getting from PMO.  These feelings will pass in time.  I suggest journaling and staying focused on recovery.  Read some literature and get on the forum.  I also got on anti depressants.  If your depression is debilitating I suggest going to the doctor.  Listening to music or drawing are other ways to get healthy spikes of dopamine which might ease the withdrawals.  Good luck and keep at it, things will get easier.

Thank you for the answer, it may also be because I'm trying to quit smoking at the same time so it's completely awful.
I already went to one, they just told me to seek help but I'm not so sure on that in how far I want help (again).

I will try to find some activities, I always listen to music and I started working out in a gym since a few weeks so those do help quite a bit.

 

[Mbg]

Glad to hear it! Exercise is a great anti depressant.  If times get tougher and your situation doesn't improve I might also suggest a 12 step program.  I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings twice a week and it helps tremendously. 

 

[Innocence]

Glad to hear it! Exercise is a great anti depressant.  If times get tougher and your situation doesn't improve I might also suggest a 12 step program.  I go to Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings twice a week and it helps tremendously.

I personally don't feel very comfortable with a sex addicts anonymous since I'm only 18 years old.
Thanks for the suggestion though but I'll try to work it out by having patience and working out.

 

[jjhh]

How much PMO have you been doing in the past?
If it has been big part of your daily life, then you really need something to replace it with.
A new hobby, or three. Meet new people, do new stuff. A new dopamine source is what you need most likely.
Otherwise you might start seeing life as PMO vs Emptiness&Depression, and PMO will win at the end.

 

[fugu]

Depression is definitely a component of kicking any addiction, and pornography addiction is no exception. This is particularly true if you have ED because the erectile dysfunction is a sign that strong physical changes have occurred in your brain. Your brain has rewired in an unnatural way to depend on pornography, so when you remove it...it can be not fun.  8)

Like other people have said, there are definitely ways to combat this. I found long distance running to be super helpful. Not only has cardio been shown to help improve brain function (which is great for recovering!), it also naturally lifts your mood and helps you sleep at night. I highly recommend it!

 

[persian29]

either way. you have done a great job so far. keep it up

 

[Innocence]

Thanks for the replies guys!
I will continue working out as I still have a contract for a good half year and I expanded my scheme.

The depression is turning more into mood swings lately, but I'm still hanging on.

 

[fugu]

either way. you have done a great job so far. keep it up

Couldn't agree more, really seems like the OP is on the right path!

Thanks for the replies guys!
I will continue working out as I still have a contract for a good half year and I expanded my scheme.

The depression is turning more into mood swings lately, but I'm still hanging on.

Sounds great man! Keep us updated!

 

[Viper]

Hello everyone,

As I'm pretty far in my reboot I've started to notice I've started feeling awfully depressed to the point where I'd rather stay in bed the entire day, my motivation is also just under the ground because I don't feel like doing anything. Hell I haven't even cleaned my room in 2 weeks from now. It's a total mess.
Just not feeling like myself, I've lost track of time and just feel confused a lot like the brain fog is hitting me very hard.

Also, it's not like I have a flatline but I don't have any urges either, the only productive thing I do is going to the gym once (or twice) a week.
Is this more common to be so depressed and have a heavy brain fog without the flatline during your reboot?
Because I feel slightly confused when I see everyone exploding out of sudden motivation etc etc after a while while I'm just not improving that much.

Thank you for reading this topic, I'd love to get some replies.

Depression comes with the territory of fighting addiction.
In fact, I'll go as far as to say that if you're not experiencing that, than you're not doing it right.
These are the hardest days of your reboot. Sharing your thoughts on here is huge.
Going to the gym is great too but understand that the real benefit of going
to the gym is going when you don't feel like it. That discipline will reward you sooner than
later. You'll probably find yourself being more irritable and moody in the process.
This is not going to last long. There have been several success stories on here that follow
that timeline. Check them out  8)

 

[fugu]

Hey! I posted this chart in another thread about depression, and I thought I would quickly post it here because it's insanely helpful.

Here is a chart of an older guy that had an addiction that was less embedded than the majority of us today. He was a member of one of the first rebooting generations, and their reboots happened a lot quicker because they were older and spent significantly less type masturbating to porn. This guy recovered in 60 some odd days which is a rarity now - most people need much longer than 2 months. However, this chart is SUPER GOOD for documenting the ups and downs of rebooting. It paints a picture of how erratic the process can be - but ultimately insanely rewarding. I would expect the same sorts of ups and downs for ALL current rebooters, just over a longer time frame.

 

[toxicviper23]

I've experienced the same thing.  I think it's part of withdrawal.  Your brain is used to getting regular chemical hits and even after 60 days, it still has more symptoms it can throw at you. 


You might call that Post Acute Withdrawal.  But I know I've experienced it.   



You just gotta hunker down and outlast the storm.  Do whatever you need to do to stay off of porn and masturbation.    Your brain will heal and the symptoms will disappear completely, it just takes months. 

 

[Innocence]

Thank you everyone so much for your replies, inspiration and information!
What I've been experiencing the last few days is that the depression is becoming a bit less worse but more unpredictable, I can feel just fine and just feel sad out of nowhere. I hope it will go away quickly, but it's not that bad.

 

[HumbleRich]

I know what you mean about the depression.  If I may...

I have a bad habit of getting myself off in bed in the mornings.  It gives me the rush that we all know so well which gets me out of bed...eventually.

I know in advance that when my girlfriend arrives she will not accept this behavior.  Why would she?  It is gross, selfish, immature, childish.

Sex in the morning.  Completely different.  That is something shared, and if done right, mutually beneficial.  But masturbating in bed is abhorrent.

So, what do I do.  I throw myself out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off.  (I also have an alarm in the office down the hall to get me out of bed).  And I don't get back in bed.

When I live with Jenn (my girlfriend), she might find this habit peculiar, or even weird, but it is much better than playing with myself beside her like a 12 year old.

Do you kind of get my point?

The depression is

1.  Partly withdrawal

2.  Partly a void in your life.

The withdrawal is quite literally your brain wanting its fix.  Like the other posters have mentioned you can do exercise to battle the withdrawal, you can eat healthy, whatever works.  But it is something that only time will change.

The void in your life is a more pressing issue.  It is something that will not go away on its own, the way that withdrawal symptoms will. 

You had hobbies and activities you did for fun, like we all did.  As your addiction became worse and worse you spent less and less time on these stimulating, reinvigorating activities.  Your brain atrophies over time, as do your social skills, etc, etc. 

You have to fill that void purposefully, actively.  Take out a pencil and paper and write down what you did for fun, what your hobbies were, even what your interests are.

Interests...remember those? 

Porn makes us rediculously boring and one-dimensional.  How?  By erasing our passions, our interests, our active selves, the core of who we are.

That is why we become socially inept.  Not because we are not capable of being social, but because we can't relate to ourselves, let alone other people!!!

These are things you (and I) need to do simultaneously.  Commit yourself to dusting off that camera and taking some photos.  Or doing whatever makes you you.  You will probably be out of practice and suck.  That happens when you stop doing something.  Be patient and get back into it. 

And go out there and talk to people.  Put the focus on them, and when people do ask about you, now you have the ability to talk about yourself in present tense!!!

Instead of avoiding the topic of who you are and what you do for fun, you finally have an answer.  "I am Richard, and I like photography.  You can check out my photos on flickr if you want!"  You have something to contribute, something to talk about!

Something for us all to work on (especially me)!!! 

Best! 

 

[p.enlightenment]

Echoing the good advice of so many on here, the most important times to work out is when you don't feel like it, when you are the most depressed. And working out isn't enough as you need more than just that. Find new hobbies or new things you want to try and go do them. And make yourself go do them even when you don't feel like it, you will thank yourself later. If you're having trouble thinking of ideas look for events, seminars, movies that interest you, art, plays, clubs, books, there are endless options. Just pursue anything that interests you to get your mind going and get yourself out of your funk.

Depression is an intricate part of this process. It can be an effect of porn addiction but also a cause and the relationship is quite interconnected and messy. The important thing to remember is beating porn addiction is more than just quitting something, it's part of a life changing decision where you are changing your life for the better. Great job, you are doing awesome powering through this!