love myself - I will not distroy it by PMO

[Thong]

HI everyone,

I am 33 year old, I accidentally watched soft naked woman photos since I was 8 from a fashion magazine from my house. and Its stimulating my feeling o lot. I was feeling like super-exciting. since that first time, I have become to have a desire to get more off naked woman photos.

I still now remember I read the magazine and counted how many boobs could I see in it .

I remember once when I was about 12 or 13, my cousin gave me a 54 cards of naked women photos to watch, I felt extremely blow-my-mind because of that and the result was that I stole some of his cards.

my first Porn watching when I was in grade 9. and since then I could not stop that desire. I can sit and watch porn for 3 hours at night.

every time I watch porn, I felt less stress and depress. porn make me feel release ....

Every time I feel can not sleep,  I marsterbated , and I  can easer going to sleep.

I do not have the erection problem but I have the  strong desire of watching porn and making love.

I have a big problem with concentration now,I made a lot of mistakes as work and that create so much workplace problems to me. - people consider I am a slow person.

my memory is not very good, I get a short memory.....

Thing happened after things, I am suffering depression, sometime the bad feeling come and go, but when It come I feel terrible. the thought of killing myself sometime pop-up in my mind but lucky enough I did not bring it into action till now.

I feeling down, lact of confidence ....

---------

I want to be healthy, I want to get more concentration and be a confident person.  so, I am going to admit myself to stop watching, thinking and making love in the next 2 months

 

[dhira]

Hi Thong, and welcome to the forum

It's not easy admitting there is a problem and even harder to open up about it on a forum like this. So well done, you have already broken down some major obstacles. My addiction really feeds off secrecy. As long as I thought know one knew about it, it didn't matter. But it was having a huge negative affect on my life. You were saying how porn makes you feel down and lacking confidence to the point of self harming thoughts, I can identify with you there! In my limited experience though there is light at the end of the tunnel. A problem shared is a problem halved. For me keeping a regular journal and reading success stories has helped very very much. I feel so much better now in every way. Porn really amplifies mistaken negative beliefs about our selfs, that we are not good enough or whatever, rebooting replaces theses bad thoughts with self respect, gratitude for the simple things in life and a healthy excitement about the life ahead of us without porn! Because there will be one, and I'm sure you will find that for yourself.

All the best to you Thong
Dhira

 

[Thong]

Thanks Dhira for the rely,

my first day went really good that I did not have much time to think about sex in general. I am still using my laptop but I concentrated to my study.

Need to admit that I went to a website called https://www.opendns.com and made a account on it, this website help me to prevent Porn websites. so it is like a firewall that I put to protect myself.

trying not to thing about sex and stuff like that. I am working on my study in other to achieve my other goal . so I have two goal now need to be done.

1. NO Porn , Not have sex in 2 months
2. Get my certificate in ......

 

[Thong]

the second day, Feel anxiety in this afternoon, the feeling like a bit angry, a bit nervouse, very sensitive with sudently sounds .... I  Could not concentrate to study even I had a full last night sleep.

If have a orgasm now should make me feel better.... or simple going to sleep now so I can forget the anxiety feeling.

But hey, I am not going to colape, I am not going to Sleep and I am not going to jerk offf ...

I'll go outside abit... hope can feel better