Hi all,
I have been fapping on porn since senior high school year, it's been 5 years. All this time indulge in PMO I never really seriously became aware the severe consequences it left me. I came across YBOP once few years ago, but simply ignored much of it said on there. Blinded by the quick gratification that comes with PMO, I didn't give a single damn about it at the time. But since earlier this year, I have had really bad emotional breakdown episodes twice, mixed of depression and lack of energy, motivation and self-worth. I was always tired right when I'm about to study or work. The feeling of insecurity and misery was constant and only goes away when I masturbate to porn. I estranged myself socially, made little effort to build friendship and relationships deteriorated. PMO became an twisted remedy and an escape method. Disguised by the seemingly short-lived pleasure from PMO, looking back those were some really dark moments in my life.
Now, as I slowly walk out from the shadow of those days, I need to make some serious amends. Rebooting being the biggest goal in the coming month and into 2015, I strive to build my life back to what should and would be.
Like solving any problem, first step is awareness. For over 5 years, I completely wasn't aware the consequences of PMO and its associated sexual issues, and most importantly, the damaging effect on your character. I thought to myself how bad could it be, it's probably what every other young guys are doing sometimes in their day. After reading a bit on YBOP the harsh reality sets in, the motivation for rebooting became clear.
I have had enough suffering and lost opportunities due to PMO, IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE.
I know the journey towards full recovery is not easy. From past experience of unsuccessful reboot attempt, which never lasted more than 7 days, willpower alone renders completely powerless against PMO compulsiveness. I know it will be tough road ahead and there will be times when the irresistible urge will bend me towards the other way. Thus, I am writing this on-going journal to keep myself accountable. Also as part of my strategy, whenever the urge kicks in, instead of using the time to fap, I will do research/learning on the topic of porn addiction, helping me gain a in-depth scientific perspective on this issues.
I know in early phases relapse is actually a very common occurrence. But this time I will not surrender. My initial goal is 30 days. So from today till Christmas, I commit myself free of any PMO as I update my progress in this thread along the way.
To all rebooters or those who are becoming one, I challenge you to 30 day free PMO.
Let's finish 2014 strong and wish you all success!
EH
I have been fapping on porn since senior high school year, it's been 5 years. All this time indulge in PMO I never really seriously became aware the severe consequences it left me. I came across YBOP once few years ago, but simply ignored much of it said on there. Blinded by the quick gratification that comes with PMO, I didn't give a single damn about it at the time. But since earlier this year, I have had really bad emotional breakdown episodes twice, mixed of depression and lack of energy, motivation and self-worth. I was always tired right when I'm about to study or work. The feeling of insecurity and misery was constant and only goes away when I masturbate to porn. I estranged myself socially, made little effort to build friendship and relationships deteriorated. PMO became an twisted remedy and an escape method. Disguised by the seemingly short-lived pleasure from PMO, looking back those were some really dark moments in my life.
Now, as I slowly walk out from the shadow of those days, I need to make some serious amends. Rebooting being the biggest goal in the coming month and into 2015, I strive to build my life back to what should and would be.
Like solving any problem, first step is awareness. For over 5 years, I completely wasn't aware the consequences of PMO and its associated sexual issues, and most importantly, the damaging effect on your character. I thought to myself how bad could it be, it's probably what every other young guys are doing sometimes in their day. After reading a bit on YBOP the harsh reality sets in, the motivation for rebooting became clear.
I have had enough suffering and lost opportunities due to PMO, IT IS TIME FOR CHANGE.
I know the journey towards full recovery is not easy. From past experience of unsuccessful reboot attempt, which never lasted more than 7 days, willpower alone renders completely powerless against PMO compulsiveness. I know it will be tough road ahead and there will be times when the irresistible urge will bend me towards the other way. Thus, I am writing this on-going journal to keep myself accountable. Also as part of my strategy, whenever the urge kicks in, instead of using the time to fap, I will do research/learning on the topic of porn addiction, helping me gain a in-depth scientific perspective on this issues.
I know in early phases relapse is actually a very common occurrence. But this time I will not surrender. My initial goal is 30 days. So from today till Christmas, I commit myself free of any PMO as I update my progress in this thread along the way.
To all rebooters or those who are becoming one, I challenge you to 30 day free PMO.
Let's finish 2014 strong and wish you all success!
EH
My greatest discovery on campus indeed. 