I'm not where you are and have no idea how it feels. But you have a wife, and if she knows about your addiction than I think I know how she feels. Quitting any addiction is hard, and I've seen struggles in my own home. Perhaps one of the steps you can take is to remove as much possibility of running into porn, or choosing to find it, as possible. Get rid of your smart phone for a while, pair down internet access points to only one device stationed in a public place, and start throwing up blockers. The guys can suggest a few. I also think it may help if you clicked over to the spouse's forum and read for a while. Some of the post are pretty powerful and moving while at the same time detailing the pain and hurt they (myself included) are feeling. Perhaps having this perspective may help to ground you or inspire in you a new will to not let your wife have to go through the same suffering. (The link in my signature leads to my personal blog about being married to a porn addict. It includes a lot of the things I don't post on here because they are so long.)
Also, like any of these guys will say: educate yourself. Get to better understand what you've experienced, and learn about what you will face. I wish you the best of luck in your journey as this may well be the hardest one you ever make. There will be obstacles, without a doubt, but if you do what you can to prepare yourself for the things you will face, I think it will help make your road a little easier.
EDIT: I was editing my reply and had typed out a long addition after having read the replied you made recently. Unfortunately that edit is all gone because I accidentally clicked off the page and pressed backspace. I will want to kick myself for that.
Anyways, I'm very sorry to hear that your wife has asked you to move out. I had typed up my whole story about how I was in a similar position, but instead of redoing all of that I'm going to try to make this as brief as possible.
When my husband was away on a business trip I had discovered recent activity with porn. I had already spent years begging and pleading with him to stop watching it because even though I didn't know porn addiction was a thing, I did know that his porn use was the root cause to our marital problems. Find the new porn made me so mad and depressed. I needed an ally and I needed validation for feeling like him watching porn was the same as him cheating on me. I found a video from a guy's perspective that, while it validated my feelings also shown a light on the fact that porn addiction was a thing. I looked more into what porn addiction was all about and learned what some of the common signs and symptoms are. This fueled my fire even more because a lot of the s&s had been a constant companion to our marriage. I felt like, "All of these years I'd been asking to give up porn because I thought it would help some of the problems we have and here it is! Proof that porn is indeed the culprit." This prompted me to tell my husband that I had had enough, and that when he got home I wanted him to pack his shit and leave.
The next day we talked about it and throughout the whole conversation I was eerily calm. Even though I had a whole day to think: "it's not entirely fair of me to divorce (essentially punish) him for not being able to stop watching porn during his last few attempts, when as he was trying to stop he went in with the concept of 'this is a choice' rather than 'this is an addiction'". During our conversation I never reaffirmed that I wanted the divorce or for him to leave, but I also never said he was getting another chance. When he got home though, we talked and it was made very clear that this was it. He has the chance to go in, knowing fully that he was up against an addiction and that I had zero qualms about choosing divorce over being neglected.
Before all of this went down we were "separated" for a couple of months. We are in the same situation that you are in, in that we too have just recently moved and didn't really have any option for a crash pad. Instead one of us "moved out" into the room on the bottom level of our town house, while the rest of the house was for the person who "stayed". We went as far as to essentially divide our assets, and for the person who was moving out, if it didn't fit into the room or the closet down there, then it went into storage. Also, the rest of the house was off limits unless the other person was gone. This meant planning ahead for meals and showers or eating out and showering at the gym.
The goal of doing this was for each of us to work on ourselves. For me it meant coming to terms with figuring out if I wanted to stay in what I felt was a loveless relationship or finally leave. I began working on being a completely autonomous and self sustaining person figuring out where I could live, how much it would cost me, and how I would get the money. That meant finding employment and working harder than ever to finally finish my degree.
I had hoped that for him this meant working on the things that made me ask for a separation in the first place, but I really don't think that happened. Instead I think he focused more on the s&s's of porn addiction he was experiencing and trying to figure out what was causing them all (no motivation, wasting time/not knowing where all his time went, depression, anxiety...).
We ended up moving back in together after cracking open the porn addiction topic. This was in large part because he was trying to rebuild the intimacy we had lost (reinforcing the good neural pathways), and also because I served as a distraction from the times he would otherwise hole up in his office and surf the web.
I'm didn't include the part about "moving out" because I feel it was a step in his recovery. I included it because I wonder if your home would be conducive to the option rather than spending all that money on a hotel. If you think it would accommodate the arrangement, you can broach the matter with your wife by pointing out that it would save you guys enough money for when/if a real move would have to be made.
Even though there seems to be a lot of similarities in your story the experience in my own home I know they are not the same. For my husband and I, I feel like a lot of the progress we are making stems from our level of communication - which I think is a good as it is because of the classes I've had to take for my degree. Here is a resource I think you would greatly benefit from:
Looking In Lookng Out (a book about interpersonal communications and can be bought used for
as little as $5)
You said in one of your replies that you want to start this reboot for yourself rather than for your wife, family, or marriage. I think that is the best way to approach things because even if you are not able to save your marriage, hopefully you can make a difference in the person you are and avoid this from ever happening again. I strongly encourage you to get that book, even if you only read the tables and figures and not the core text. Communications skills are something I think every person strives for in life and that book is an out standing resource. Besides, you are probably going to be finding yourself with a lot more time on your hands, so why not make it productive time?
I wish you the best of luck.
