Is an escort is a relapse?
- Thread starter Huntelaar
- Start date
The whole reason for a reboot (for most of us, anyway) is to re-sensitize ourselves to natural sexual relations. An escort kind of defeats the purpose. While I have no moral qualm (in theory) with two consenting adults exchanging money for sex, I don't think it's possible to ensure that human trafficking, coercion or financial desperation have not occurred at any point in the proceedings, so I would really, REALLY advise you not to do it on moral grounds.
If you're so sure that you can't go on that you'd hire a prossy, I'd just crank out the easy one instead.
Stay strong.
If you're so sure that you can't go on that you'd hire a prossy, I'd just crank out the easy one instead.
Stay strong.
tenthyoung
Member
For me, I consider it a relapse because its not "natural" sex for me. I was in the same boat as you and I gave up my virginity for it. I ended up giving up on NoFap because of it. Because sex with a condom does not nearly feel as good as wanking it yourself. I ended up rationalizing that it would be better to wank off to Porn than to pay $140 for sex with an unattractive girl (they are neither as pretty or young as their ads suggest) ... it ruined my streak and ambitions for noFap, and PMO screwed up my grades in my most crucial school quarter, and now I cant go to my dream school anymore. When I was doing NoFap consistently, I had a 4.0. I tricked myself into believing that escorts would help me improve my PMO addiction, but it did the complete opposite. If I could go back, I would not have done it. It was superficial, and a very temporary false comfort without the intimacy of a real relationship. I still have bad memories about it.... and i dont even know if i contracted anything. Recovering from porn addiction without sex has been much more fulfilling for me at least. Escorts are a cop out because it comes out of neediness. Your brain is trying to trick yourself into thinking that you "need" a release, when you really don't. You'll get your cap off naturally via a wet dream sooner or later, and even then, the decision to do noFap is to accept the fact that Porn is a problem, and its now a part of our past.
Like the other guy said, it's all about rebalancing our brains to natural sex and relationships again. Escorts don't help in the same way porn doesn't because both lead to an objectification of women as a commodity rather than another human being. If you want to rebalance your brain faster, you should start small. Take a girl out on a date, and cuddle with her while watching a movie or something. Cuddling has the same effect as it releases oxytocin and generates neurons to pump dopamine for real intimacy.
This is the bottom line for me. When I get married, I don't want to have the habit of porn because it will ruin everything. In the same way, I don't want to have a habit of depending on escorts for a facade of intimacy and expensive sex when I made a vow to my wife to stay loyal to her. You'll only build more stumbling blocks for yourself in the future. Escorts will never satisfy you. It's the easy way out of actually pursuing girls. The risks of STDs, and the future financial burden can place on you is great. And it can skew your perspective of women, despite the fact, that there are millions of beautiful, amazing girls out there. For example, my coworker is the most miserable man I've ever met. He pays for escorts every week, he lost his marriage because he cheated on his wife with an escort. And he contracted and STD and gave it to his wife. Financially, it screwed him over, and he talks about women like they are objects... Escorts truly are a slippery slope.
In the end, it really all comes down to you. Yes, you are having sex with a real woman. Yes, it may help your brain to re-balance towards real sex. BUT, its only creating another bad habit. The whole point of NoFap giving us super powers is because we replace the bad habits of Porn addiction with productive and fulfilling habits. I say, start small man! Ask a girl out on a date! Go cuddle and watch movies. Have a real adventurous life, where your personality, confidence, and social skills play a larger role than your wallet. There is so much more of a reward to that. We are all human, and we make mistakes. I have to live with mine as well as you. But, the bondage of lust is in our past man. We'll put it behind us for a more fulfilling life. I believe you'll make the right decision, friend. Best wishes, and God bless
Like the other guy said, it's all about rebalancing our brains to natural sex and relationships again. Escorts don't help in the same way porn doesn't because both lead to an objectification of women as a commodity rather than another human being. If you want to rebalance your brain faster, you should start small. Take a girl out on a date, and cuddle with her while watching a movie or something. Cuddling has the same effect as it releases oxytocin and generates neurons to pump dopamine for real intimacy.
This is the bottom line for me. When I get married, I don't want to have the habit of porn because it will ruin everything. In the same way, I don't want to have a habit of depending on escorts for a facade of intimacy and expensive sex when I made a vow to my wife to stay loyal to her. You'll only build more stumbling blocks for yourself in the future. Escorts will never satisfy you. It's the easy way out of actually pursuing girls. The risks of STDs, and the future financial burden can place on you is great. And it can skew your perspective of women, despite the fact, that there are millions of beautiful, amazing girls out there. For example, my coworker is the most miserable man I've ever met. He pays for escorts every week, he lost his marriage because he cheated on his wife with an escort. And he contracted and STD and gave it to his wife. Financially, it screwed him over, and he talks about women like they are objects... Escorts truly are a slippery slope.
In the end, it really all comes down to you. Yes, you are having sex with a real woman. Yes, it may help your brain to re-balance towards real sex. BUT, its only creating another bad habit. The whole point of NoFap giving us super powers is because we replace the bad habits of Porn addiction with productive and fulfilling habits. I say, start small man! Ask a girl out on a date! Go cuddle and watch movies. Have a real adventurous life, where your personality, confidence, and social skills play a larger role than your wallet. There is so much more of a reward to that. We are all human, and we make mistakes. I have to live with mine as well as you. But, the bondage of lust is in our past man. We'll put it behind us for a more fulfilling life. I believe you'll make the right decision, friend. Best wishes, and God bless
U
Username
Guest
^ Excellent post, thanks for taking the time!
Many thanks for your long answer and to have take time ! Indeed i think its a trick of my brain but i know i dont want to relapse and if i visit an escort that would be worst for me and all my effort (no fap since one month so far) will be for nothing. I start the nofap since my girlfriend break up with me after i learnt she cheated on me . A very heartbreak and it still hurting now that why maybe i try to compensentate this "humiliation" and this sadness by an alternative way. on Thursday i*ve been out with a friend and I met a girl in a bar. I kissed her and even if i didnt have a proper erection it was a kind of semi erection so maybe my brain started to be fixe and now i dont want to start over but i have some "fantasy" created by the porn i saw during my teen (started fap at 14 until now 26) and i wanted to see an escort to realise some of them but i know that would be worst and would be disgussted of myself. I blame myself and porn to induce me ED because its i think the mainly reason to my break up with my girlfriend i loved. so thanks for it and take care too. This forum is very helpful for my reboot because maybe without i would contact an escort and would relapse 
I still hold on and hopefully, these fantasy will disappear with time. I love to dating girl, having fun time, laughing, cuddling etc.. and i dont want my "dark passenger" would take the above
I still hold on and hopefully, these fantasy will disappear with time. I love to dating girl, having fun time, laughing, cuddling etc.. and i dont want my "dark passenger" would take the above
miomio
Active Member
One of the most disturbing patterns I noticed before rebooting was, how I would select porn scenes. I would browse a web page until finding the perfect fit for my short time satisfaction. More and more I built an unrealistic ideal in my head and lost a sense for "real" women. Equally, I find online dating and escort services troublesome, because you tend to do the same thing: Look for the perfect match for the moment and seek short time satisfaction. Rarely you will find yourself in a better situation than before!
Still, I can relate to your situation very much. Just a couple of days ago, I was browsing massage parlors thinking a rub&tug would be the perfect solution to my blue balls. But then it came to me - what I was really doing was finding an excuse to view erotic images. It was less about the actual service, but more about viewing sexy pics of asian chicks!
Personally, I feel that these peaks are just part of the reboot. I have set my own boundaries: Watching porn, masturbating and following ejaculation define a relapse. Watching porn to satisfy my need is a relapse too. Looking at an escort page, but catching myself that this is now what I should do - no relapse, just a bump in the road! You are on a great path when you are considering your actions, but do not go too hard on you whether you have relapsed or not!
Still, I can relate to your situation very much. Just a couple of days ago, I was browsing massage parlors thinking a rub&tug would be the perfect solution to my blue balls. But then it came to me - what I was really doing was finding an excuse to view erotic images. It was less about the actual service, but more about viewing sexy pics of asian chicks!
Personally, I feel that these peaks are just part of the reboot. I have set my own boundaries: Watching porn, masturbating and following ejaculation define a relapse. Watching porn to satisfy my need is a relapse too. Looking at an escort page, but catching myself that this is now what I should do - no relapse, just a bump in the road! You are on a great path when you are considering your actions, but do not go too hard on you whether you have relapsed or not!