H
HumbleRich
Guest
I am sick and tired of failing. I am sick and tired of starting from scratch. Every person who has been successful at conquering this thing has said it: willpower will not get you through. Determination and "white knuckling" will not work. I genuinely believe that. Winning means solving the deeper issues and filling in the voids underneath. On the other hand, though. Sometimes, I feel, I fail because I let myself fail. Because I am not trying hard enough. Not working hard enough.
Let's face it: quitting porn sucks. It royally blows. The withdrawal symptoms suck. The void in your life sucks. All of it sucks.
It is a matter of what you want. Would you rather face the withdrawal symptoms to conquer this compulsion, or coddle yourself and continue to use?
For me, it is time to get real. This isn't just about porn. It is much, much bigger. It is about taking back my life, rebuilding it and focusing on my priorities.
It is about rebuilding my relationship with my girlfriend.
It is about reconnecting with the man, the individual, that is Richard.
No, white knuckling does NOT work. But I would argue a certain amount of white knuckling is required. Don't go into rebooting without a plan. Don't go in without a framework, without an idea of what you want to accomplish and how you will go about it.
But on the other hand, sometimes you just have to yell "NO!!! I WILL NOT USE PORN. I WILL NOT MASTURBATE. I WILL QUIT!!!"
Sometimes you need to get on your mental podium and shout expletives. Sometimes you need to just get off of the computer, get away from your desk, anything to get away from temptation.
And you know what, that is a victory. It might not be grandiose, it might not be sophisticated. It might not even meet your own high expectations. But it is a victory nonetheless.
Every moment you spend away from porn adds to the last. Every victorious minute adds to the last victorious minute.
Here is my perspective from here on out. You can't go years without serious exercise and then expect to be toned and fit within a month.
Similarly, you can't not exercise for that long and expect push ups to be easy. In fact, they are going to be hard as hell. You are going to be pretty pitiful at them on those scrawny arms. If you compare yourself to other guys in the gym you will just fail sooner. You can't do that, it isn't a fair comparison.
But what if you go into that gym and say, "hey, I am going to do ten push ups when I go in, then run, then do ten more push ups at the end." You will have done 20 push ups. Not in a row, not as well as you would have liked. But you did do 20 push ups.
And you know what? Your body will react accordingly. If you go into that gym three days a week, doing 20 push ups spaced out in separate sets of 10, your muscles will grow and you will get stronger.
Pretty soon you will be able to do 20 push ups straight in a row. A few weeks later you will be able to do 30, 40, 50, 100.
Or, you could give in and say "no, it is too hard". You can wimp out, you can say, "it won't make any difference. My significant other won't care if I can do 10 push ups. She wants me toned and strong. I quit", and go back to vegging out in front of the tv.
I kind of went a bit farther with this analogy than I probably should. But do you see the parallel there?
Staying away from the porn is the pushups. You could not do push ups at all, instead of doing your sets of 10. It would be far easier, and you would be saved from your disappointment, from your self awareness and actual responsibilities.
Or, you could realize that success builds upon success. Just like those sets of 10 push ups make you stronger, every time you make the decision to stay away from porn you get stronger.
It doesn't really matter how you stayed away from porn. Do whatever you have to do. For me, exercise is the best, whether it is of the body or mind. Whatever it takes, do it, knowing that everything in your life depends on it. Because, it truly does.
It is not my intention to condescend, to get on a soap box and proclaim that I have found the answer.
I have NOT. I just acted out earlier today. I DO NOT know the answer to quitting, I don't know the rules of the road.
All I know is what DOES NOT work. Going day by day does NOT work. Thinking, well I just have to make it this number of days DOES NOT work. Thinking, well I haven't used porn, but I watched enticing videos on Youtube DOES NOT work!
What does work? I imagine it is like climbing the ladder of a diving board at a swimming pool. You can practice all you want, but if you don't commit to the dive you're screwed! You have to commit to the dive. You have to commit to the moves, to the actions you must take in order to fall just so.
I don't know about the rest of you, but my relationship with my girlfriend sits in the balance. If I do not beat this thing, I will lose her. This is not just any woman. This is the woman I want to propose to. This is the woman I want to marry.
But I don't just get to have her. I am not entitled to her, just like I am not entitled to anything. I am not entitled to freedom from this compulsive habit.
I earn everything I have through hard work, through working my ass off. So, I am going to do those ten push ups twice a work out session and get stronger one day at a time.
And I am going to stay away from porn. Not for ten days, not for twenty, not for 100, 1,000 or 1 million. For the rest of my life!
Some say that it is unwise to make such proclamations, to demand that level of discipline. I reply, only if you allow yourself to fail.
I never said it would be easy, I never said I would enjoy it, I never even said that I would be graceful in getting it done. But I will do it.
I choose my life over porn. Period.
Let's face it: quitting porn sucks. It royally blows. The withdrawal symptoms suck. The void in your life sucks. All of it sucks.
It is a matter of what you want. Would you rather face the withdrawal symptoms to conquer this compulsion, or coddle yourself and continue to use?
For me, it is time to get real. This isn't just about porn. It is much, much bigger. It is about taking back my life, rebuilding it and focusing on my priorities.
It is about rebuilding my relationship with my girlfriend.
It is about reconnecting with the man, the individual, that is Richard.
No, white knuckling does NOT work. But I would argue a certain amount of white knuckling is required. Don't go into rebooting without a plan. Don't go in without a framework, without an idea of what you want to accomplish and how you will go about it.
But on the other hand, sometimes you just have to yell "NO!!! I WILL NOT USE PORN. I WILL NOT MASTURBATE. I WILL QUIT!!!"
Sometimes you need to get on your mental podium and shout expletives. Sometimes you need to just get off of the computer, get away from your desk, anything to get away from temptation.
And you know what, that is a victory. It might not be grandiose, it might not be sophisticated. It might not even meet your own high expectations. But it is a victory nonetheless.
Every moment you spend away from porn adds to the last. Every victorious minute adds to the last victorious minute.
Here is my perspective from here on out. You can't go years without serious exercise and then expect to be toned and fit within a month.
Similarly, you can't not exercise for that long and expect push ups to be easy. In fact, they are going to be hard as hell. You are going to be pretty pitiful at them on those scrawny arms. If you compare yourself to other guys in the gym you will just fail sooner. You can't do that, it isn't a fair comparison.
But what if you go into that gym and say, "hey, I am going to do ten push ups when I go in, then run, then do ten more push ups at the end." You will have done 20 push ups. Not in a row, not as well as you would have liked. But you did do 20 push ups.
And you know what? Your body will react accordingly. If you go into that gym three days a week, doing 20 push ups spaced out in separate sets of 10, your muscles will grow and you will get stronger.
Pretty soon you will be able to do 20 push ups straight in a row. A few weeks later you will be able to do 30, 40, 50, 100.
Or, you could give in and say "no, it is too hard". You can wimp out, you can say, "it won't make any difference. My significant other won't care if I can do 10 push ups. She wants me toned and strong. I quit", and go back to vegging out in front of the tv.
I kind of went a bit farther with this analogy than I probably should. But do you see the parallel there?
Staying away from the porn is the pushups. You could not do push ups at all, instead of doing your sets of 10. It would be far easier, and you would be saved from your disappointment, from your self awareness and actual responsibilities.
Or, you could realize that success builds upon success. Just like those sets of 10 push ups make you stronger, every time you make the decision to stay away from porn you get stronger.
It doesn't really matter how you stayed away from porn. Do whatever you have to do. For me, exercise is the best, whether it is of the body or mind. Whatever it takes, do it, knowing that everything in your life depends on it. Because, it truly does.
It is not my intention to condescend, to get on a soap box and proclaim that I have found the answer.
I have NOT. I just acted out earlier today. I DO NOT know the answer to quitting, I don't know the rules of the road.
All I know is what DOES NOT work. Going day by day does NOT work. Thinking, well I just have to make it this number of days DOES NOT work. Thinking, well I haven't used porn, but I watched enticing videos on Youtube DOES NOT work!
What does work? I imagine it is like climbing the ladder of a diving board at a swimming pool. You can practice all you want, but if you don't commit to the dive you're screwed! You have to commit to the dive. You have to commit to the moves, to the actions you must take in order to fall just so.
I don't know about the rest of you, but my relationship with my girlfriend sits in the balance. If I do not beat this thing, I will lose her. This is not just any woman. This is the woman I want to propose to. This is the woman I want to marry.
But I don't just get to have her. I am not entitled to her, just like I am not entitled to anything. I am not entitled to freedom from this compulsive habit.
I earn everything I have through hard work, through working my ass off. So, I am going to do those ten push ups twice a work out session and get stronger one day at a time.
And I am going to stay away from porn. Not for ten days, not for twenty, not for 100, 1,000 or 1 million. For the rest of my life!
Some say that it is unwise to make such proclamations, to demand that level of discipline. I reply, only if you allow yourself to fail.
I never said it would be easy, I never said I would enjoy it, I never even said that I would be graceful in getting it done. But I will do it.
I choose my life over porn. Period.
