I am just unable to do it. The maximum I have gone without masturbating in the last 1 year is 30 days(in that too, I masturbated once around the 15th day, but I didn't feel like resetting to maintain positive thoughts and motivation).Those 30 days were the best days I have ever had. I am not addicted to porn, but to masturbation. I have been masturbating everyday(sometimes even 2-3 times a day) since the age of 14(now I am 21). I am addicted to belly stab fetish. I get turned on by seeing women being stabbed or shot in stomach. My life is hell due to this addiction. Nowadays I often get blurred vision. My brain is so confused that I can't even read a line properly, I often read it wrong. It feels like headache all the time. I have social anxiety. I am always exhausted. I can't think as fast as other people. I don't understand what people say to me as my brain is unable to process the words. It takes time. I am studying engineering in one of the leading institutes of India. Things are even worst for me because I have to deal with very intelligent people everyday and my brain is losing its capability to think every passing day. I can't focus on studies too. Every time I sit to study I get cravings to masturbate. I walk stiff. People make fun of me because I am always so physically and mentally exhausted that they say I walk and talk like a drunk man. Seriously what would happen if I actually drink?(I don't drink alcohol, Indian culture). In all, my life is hell. I have tried a lot but at the end I am stuck in this hell. I don't find a way out. Many a times I have thought of committing suicide but I am even afraid of doing that. In this situation I have lost any hope about my future. Who will give job to a person who can't read and write properly?(my handwriting too has been deteriorating since I have started to masturbate). I have lost my ability to think logically. Who will marry a person who behaves like drunk all the time? Seriously no future.
Today I am giving myself another chance. I have reset my counter and I promise I would not masturbate ever ever ever again in my life. It would be of great help if you all could support me and guide my way out of this. This would be the most expensive gift I have ever got or would get in my life. Right now quitting masturbation is my top priority in my life. More than my engineering degree, more than my degrading dignity due to my drunken like behavior, more than whether I get a job or not. I want to live a masturbation free healthy and normal life. Please help.!!!!!!
Today I am giving myself another chance. I have reset my counter and I promise I would not masturbate ever ever ever again in my life. It would be of great help if you all could support me and guide my way out of this. This would be the most expensive gift I have ever got or would get in my life. Right now quitting masturbation is my top priority in my life. More than my engineering degree, more than my degrading dignity due to my drunken like behavior, more than whether I get a job or not. I want to live a masturbation free healthy and normal life. Please help.!!!!!!