Journal - Rookie Trying To Earn His Stripes - 23yo/ED

[sisyphus]

Day 0

Journal Entry 1: As anyone could imagine, day 1 with 1 million days to go is as daunting as it sounds. I'm in the deep, dark depths all alone. I'm too ashamed to talk to my friends about my condition. I will be relying on you and my journal to occupy my mind while i navigate through this. This is my first reboot journal attempt, and is actually my first online blog. I am new to the interface and would appreciate template advice. (How do i keep my journal nicely logged? Is it best to log all on one page?) Anyways, here we go. First step towards recovery.

Objective: In order to keep myself moving forward and active on this site, I hope to encourage fellow reboot travelers and hopefully receive outsiders opinions on my own journey. I have yet to learn how to place realistic personal goals, so for now i'll just say i'd like to lose the need for P and M altogether.

Background: I'm 23 years old and I've been PMO'ing daily since sometime in high school. (Taking a guess i'd say 6 or 7 years ago.) I am a PMO late at night kind of guy. I've been aware of my addiction for a few years and have gone on breaks before, never taking it too seriously. Longest break was maybe 6 months but that had to be over two years ago. I had even gone as far as educating myself about rebooting. Yet still I returned to a near daily PMO schedule. Many months ago i self-diagnosed myself with porn induced ED, after an embarrassing limp-dicked camping fiasco. I've moved 17 hrs away from my hometown in September for school (3rd year, Electrical Eng.), and am currently living with three male roommates.

 

[MattyB]

Welcome to the forum sisyphus, and no you are hardly alone here! Many of us suffer from the same thing, and its a pretty warm and welcome community here.

I hard my own journal going after having many on-and-off tries through this year, am currently on my longest yet. Urges can get really strong but I have a longterm goal in mind, after having quite
a few ED situations with my ex-gf that really should not have happened.

My suggestion is just to write down anything that comes to mind, voice your concerns in your journal as frequently and often as you'd like and become active in others as well. When I stopped frequenting this site after only a little bit thats when I really started to slide.

Most of all, keep your longterm goals and intentions in mind ALWAYS, especially when you get your urges.

 

[kaybee]

Welcome! We're all glad you're working to fight your addiction.  ;D
Yes, you are journaling correctly. To add to your journal when you have an update just click reply at the bottom of the page, type into the box, then hit post. It makes your journey a lot easier for you and everyone else to follow if you keep it on one page like this. That being said, feel free to share with other people on their journals or in public forums as well - just keep this one for your personal journal entries.
Some people find that keeping a counter helps them out. If you think it would be good for you, you can click on the counter under my post and it will take you to a page where you can set one up.
It looks you're in a great place to begin your reboot, having done some research previously, and understand that it's not going to be easy. Just keep in mind that you have a whole community here cheering for you and you can ask anyone for advice! I wish you the best of luck!!

 

[sisyphus]

Day 0

Relapse: The first days are the hardest

Journal Entry 2 I knew this was going to be hard going in. It's a stressful time right now, my final exams begin in a few days. Excuses aside, its time to pick myself back up and keep at it. I feel as though I haven't invested in this reboot yet. It is not something i have set out to do mentally just yet. Time to set a goal, set a counter and get to it. 90 days. Perhaps reading and responding to a few journals tomorrow will do the trick. Off to it then..

 

[sisyphus]

Day 1

Journal Entry 3

Holding Strong. Was about to browse porn, came here to write a journal instead. The urge to PMO is strong. I think being aware of the urge is a good thing. I'll get my mind off of things with a movie/imgur or something instead. I will encourage other rebooters today.

 

[presson]

Stay strong man! good to see you using this as a way to get away from urges. That's something I've been trying to implement as well. I find it works best for me if I come on and journal/read other people's journals as soon as any temptations strikes. I find it's a lot easier to get rid of when it hasn't had time to take hold yet.

 

[sisyphus]

~Day 3

Jounral Entry 4 Woo. This is tough. The urges are real strong. Almost caved a few times there, real close. There wouldn't be reboot sites if this was easy.. I don't think i'll cave anymore tonight but i may just have to log onto here again tonight and read some journals. Keep your chins up out there

 

[sisyphus]

Relapse

Day 0

Journal Entry 5 Dammit. I was doing so well. I completed an exam yesterday and got a little tipsy. Naturally I had very little restraint upon returning home. I was pawing at myself a little to aggressively and began to browse the P. I stopped myself midway through the M. Nonetheless, i consider it a failure and have reset my counter. I should start adhering to a tighter sleep schedule. Sleep exhausting always caves me. Over and out.

 

[Metaphy]

Damn bro, sorry about the relapse. Don't let it get you down though, pick yourself up and carry on. You can do this, it's all going to take some time. Stay strong and keep move bro!

 

[fstar]

Consider trying the K9 filter. I installed, spent a while trying to get round it, blocked the sites that made it easy to circumvent it and allowed some others (youtube etc.) that I think on balance are beneficial. Then changed the password and the password for the registered e-mail (which I had created) wrote it down on a piece of paper and left it in a draw in my old room in my parent's house. It's very helpful for those tired/ bored/ hungover/ tipsy moments as the P is no longer just a click away.