Believe it or not this is my first time posting anything on a site like this. Yet alone creating an account. Once you read a little bit about my history you will understand why that?s surprising. I have been trying to recover for about a year now! As you can imagine a lot of depression and anxiety has resulted because of this. Yes I have seen the doctor, gotten tested for hormonal problems, the works. I really think porn is the only possible explanation for my ED problems. I am 22 years old and have watched porn since I was at least 13. It wasn?t hardcore porn to start off with although it gradually led to the hardcore stuff. As mentioned above I now have a ton of anxiety when it comes to sex, which only makes my situation more difficult. Not only am I not aroused around girls I am terrified. What makes it worse is I?m not the worst looking guy in the world. Girls are attracted to me. I was never introduced to sex in the right way and made porn my number 1 outlet not knowing the affects it could have from a very young age. Hooking up with a girl? Why would I go through that awkward endeavor when I had porn right?
Needless to say, the times I have had sex were complete failures. It was a totally embarrassing moment when I got half hard at best. Not knowing why was the icing on the cake. The girls didn?t enjoy it either, and they all told me. (Keep the list of reasons why I am now anxious open!) I am not looking for sympathy, just simply giving some perspective. Sexual issues were the reason for my last relationship ending in flames. It was literally the only reason. We were good friends and got along great, but? When your dick doesn?t work and your GF thinks it?s her fault, and you can?t give her any explanation as to what the issue is, problems are going to arise. That happened about a year ago and I was desperate for answers. That?s when I found yourbrainonporn.com. It was a real eye opener. I just wasn?t sure if porn/masturbation was/is my problem still. I tried the reboot any.
I made it a month without porn. Then two months in a row. (Showing very little results at this point still) Then I made it through the entire summer of 2014 doing nothing but working and hanging out with my family. I was home from college and I considered this time ?my hardcore rehab.? During this time I quit smoking pot and chewing along with no PMO. I still don?t smoke pot and only chew occasionally. The story gets interesting when you understand that it has been around 9 months since I started this with very little results. Sure ill get nocturnal erections. Sometimes? I only know that because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. This is different from a morning wood, which I do not get often if at all. (Which is dopamine dependent) My flaccid size is nothing worth bragging about. Like at all. I know this is part of the porn nightmare as well. There are growers and showers but this is different. I know this because some ?good days? it will look like a normal dick. Other days it looks like I?m 8 years old. Erection size is average. The bottom line is I?m not even close after 9 months to being where most guys are at 30-60 days after a reboot. I?m dying on the inside.
There is this girl who was interested in me last year. Long story short, I still couldn?t have sex with her. Not even close. I told her it was cause my ex ruined my confidence. (Which is partially true) but left the PMO out of it. We remained friends over the summer and still are to this day. I could date her tomorrow if I really told her how I felt about her. She still likes me I think and I feel she is just waiting for me to make a move. But I just can?t do it. Not when I?m like this. I may sound petty and selfish, but this is the worst problem I have ever had. At this point I doubt if recovery is possible for me at this point. I may have damaged my brain too much and wired myself the wrong way for so long that I?m just screwed. I don?t know what else to do. I know anxiety is now almost as big a factor as porn but I should be seeing some results at least! I don?t know what to do anymore. I?m desperate for support and suggestions.
Needless to say, the times I have had sex were complete failures. It was a totally embarrassing moment when I got half hard at best. Not knowing why was the icing on the cake. The girls didn?t enjoy it either, and they all told me. (Keep the list of reasons why I am now anxious open!) I am not looking for sympathy, just simply giving some perspective. Sexual issues were the reason for my last relationship ending in flames. It was literally the only reason. We were good friends and got along great, but? When your dick doesn?t work and your GF thinks it?s her fault, and you can?t give her any explanation as to what the issue is, problems are going to arise. That happened about a year ago and I was desperate for answers. That?s when I found yourbrainonporn.com. It was a real eye opener. I just wasn?t sure if porn/masturbation was/is my problem still. I tried the reboot any.
I made it a month without porn. Then two months in a row. (Showing very little results at this point still) Then I made it through the entire summer of 2014 doing nothing but working and hanging out with my family. I was home from college and I considered this time ?my hardcore rehab.? During this time I quit smoking pot and chewing along with no PMO. I still don?t smoke pot and only chew occasionally. The story gets interesting when you understand that it has been around 9 months since I started this with very little results. Sure ill get nocturnal erections. Sometimes? I only know that because sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. This is different from a morning wood, which I do not get often if at all. (Which is dopamine dependent) My flaccid size is nothing worth bragging about. Like at all. I know this is part of the porn nightmare as well. There are growers and showers but this is different. I know this because some ?good days? it will look like a normal dick. Other days it looks like I?m 8 years old. Erection size is average. The bottom line is I?m not even close after 9 months to being where most guys are at 30-60 days after a reboot. I?m dying on the inside.
There is this girl who was interested in me last year. Long story short, I still couldn?t have sex with her. Not even close. I told her it was cause my ex ruined my confidence. (Which is partially true) but left the PMO out of it. We remained friends over the summer and still are to this day. I could date her tomorrow if I really told her how I felt about her. She still likes me I think and I feel she is just waiting for me to make a move. But I just can?t do it. Not when I?m like this. I may sound petty and selfish, but this is the worst problem I have ever had. At this point I doubt if recovery is possible for me at this point. I may have damaged my brain too much and wired myself the wrong way for so long that I?m just screwed. I don?t know what else to do. I know anxiety is now almost as big a factor as porn but I should be seeing some results at least! I don?t know what to do anymore. I?m desperate for support and suggestions.
