Orion112
Member
Today is Day 4 of my reboot. I'm feeling pretty good. My penis feels like it's there but doesn't react to anything. I literally dint see any women because I work in construction retail. And I've been avoiding any part of the internet besides this site like the plague. I refuse to even try masturbating because it makes me anxious because it reminds of porn which makes me think I'm sick in the head. I'm wondering if today or tomorrow is a good day to actually try to see my lady. I'm just so confused as to whether or not I'm truly broken or just over thinking the situation. Right as we were laying there together my hear was beating the fastest its ever beaten in my entire life. My adrenaline was off the charts. Even while watching porn I never felt that way. Suddenly I couldn't get a 100% erection. I'm not sure if it was because I was uncomfortable or what. Right before I had to go outside and get condoms. Was it the weather?? I keep thinking maybe if I see her again my libido will strike back into place. It understood what was going on, but it just died for some reason. I've had some erections when I think about what I want to do to her but I disciplined myself to save it for the bedroom. Well, I'm trying to anyway.Today I thought I had some anxiety but it turns out I was just nervous from my manager coming in and me being anxious to get off work. My appetite is fine. But I still get worried about having sex. Am I making the right choice not seeing her? Or should I try reconfiguring my brain t get used to those kinds of rewards or just keep starving my pleasure center??
I feel a bit lost and lonely on this one. Not a lot of people to talk to about this. I wish there was a chat thing or something I could use. Anyway, I also thought about recoverjg my computer from the prison center I exiled it to. But I'm not sure I want that either. What if it gives too much of a reward and I dint get healed? She messaged me yesterday and said she was sad I didn't call. It was 6am. She is never up that early. I feel like I'm being emotionally selfish. I enjoyed holding her and I misss what her body felt like and her hand on my chest. I just want to make sure I'm able to give the full extent of my love both physically and mentally. Even before I made this decision I thought to myself, "maybe 2 weeks is a bad idea". It seems to be working except I don't know if it's working because I'm not horny like unused to be. I may have been habituated to the idea of rewarding myself after work and now that I won't do that my brain doesn't get me as excited down there. Maybe I really am healed, but I dint know how to know. How do I know!???
I feel a bit lost and lonely on this one. Not a lot of people to talk to about this. I wish there was a chat thing or something I could use. Anyway, I also thought about recoverjg my computer from the prison center I exiled it to. But I'm not sure I want that either. What if it gives too much of a reward and I dint get healed? She messaged me yesterday and said she was sad I didn't call. It was 6am. She is never up that early. I feel like I'm being emotionally selfish. I enjoyed holding her and I misss what her body felt like and her hand on my chest. I just want to make sure I'm able to give the full extent of my love both physically and mentally. Even before I made this decision I thought to myself, "maybe 2 weeks is a bad idea". It seems to be working except I don't know if it's working because I'm not horny like unused to be. I may have been habituated to the idea of rewarding myself after work and now that I won't do that my brain doesn't get me as excited down there. Maybe I really am healed, but I dint know how to know. How do I know!???