Predator or Protector?

[Leon]

It was not easy, but someone posted a picture last night on Facebook- it was a very provocative picture, but not intentionally so, that is, the woman was just beautiful and wasn't trying in any way to be seductive or alluring- it wasn't that kind of picture. She was just sitting to the piano.

What do you do with that? I know what would happen in the past. But I remember asking the Lord once, "What do you do when a woman is so beautiful, so attractive?" The answer came back: "Pray for her."

To see women properly ought to be a part of our healing. God designed us in such a way so as to be attracted to the opposite sex (not to mention for some, same-sex attractions). Even though one is married, they're still 'affected' naturally by the beauty, say, of a woman.

There is the mystery of God's Image. Woman, too, is a part of the divine Image in which we're (male and female) created in. And she's someone's daughter, someone's wife, someone's friend, someone's mother, someone's something- she's human, as we are human- and we all have needs that go deeper than the external.

So, in answer to seeing this picture- I do what I've been practicing to do in such a situation: prayed for her. It used to be that I would 'block' myself from seeing that picture, or remove it, or do something like that... but that seemed only to exacerbate the situation, and send myself into a spiral toward 'acting out'.

It's therefore, in not denying what is natural, but in answering it on a level deeper than surface or selfish sensuality. How can I pray for her? Does she know her worth? Is she protected? Is she kept pure until she's married, or until she meets her soul-mate?

How can I be a protector and not a predator?

 

[challenged]

Beautiful post, Leon.  Brought a tear to my eye.

 

[Leon]

Thanks, Challenged. I'm touched that it blessed you.

 

[Mbg]

Very good post.  Seeing women as human beings rather than as objects of my fantasies is a goal of my recovery and something I still struggle with.  In fact, I never realized how objectifying toward women I was until I set out on the path to recovery from sex addiction.  I've even been guilty of objectifying my wife in my addiction, making sexual comments and advances at her that made her feel uncomfortable.  I'm trying to make a living amends to my wife and forgive myself for this type of behavior. 

 

[Leon]

Definitely, Mbg. First, we have to realize what it is about women in general that we're seeking to objectify them for? What need is it in ourselves that we're trying to medicate through the objectification of women?

I can only answer from the standpoint of a believer, though other answers may apply- but when I find myself objectifying them, and obsessing over them, I try and redirect this 'hunger' or 'thirst' toward the Lord, as the only One Who can (truly) satisfy my need.

For others, and this also works for me, spending time with our family- enjoying our loved ones, getting joy and fulfillment out of our relationships with others, or doing activities together, may also address this deeper need.

If others speak into this, that'd be great to help.

 

[Innocence]

That's a beautiful post mate, if you want some help with it. I've read people having great experiences with "natural grounding." If you've never heard of it give this a watch:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1O-1zsuv0o
(Spoiler: Yes it does contain women dancing but it's not edgy, it's meant to help your reboot)

I've personally not tried it myself as I just have found it.

 

[CrateDane]

It's a heavy burden to be every womans protector. Why not "settle" for not being a predator ?

 

[Poker]

Just made me smile.... 

Cheeers,

p.

 

[Fappy]

Protecting women is not "fapifying" them. This is a term i invented to refer to the way i would turn a woman into an object with which to fap to. Only seeing women as i did in porn turned them, fapified them, into the hyper sexualised image i masturbated to.
Change the way porn objectifies women in your own mind, and youll avoid fapifying them.
8)

 

[Leon]

That's a beautiful post mate, if you want some help with it. I've read people having great experiences with "natural grounding." 

Thanks, Innocence. I'll check that video out soon.

How I approach my own situation can be considered 'grounding'. For me, dissociative thinking (maybe what some here have called a 'fogged mind') was part of it for me. So, being able to recognize when I'm not in the moment, when I'm maybe obsessing without realizing it, and then to 'ground' myself by deep breathing, and asking myself why am I feeling that way?

 

[Leon]

It's a heavy burden to be every womans protector. Why not "settle" for not being a predator ?

Great question. My view on that is- if we're not being a predator, we're automatically being a protector- because it's already one less guy who's using them, taking advantage of them in some way.

So, I think it comes with the territory, just by us being 'real men'.

Peace.

 

[Leon]

Just made me smile.... 

Cheeers,

p.

Cheers, Poker. 

 

[Leon]

Protecting women is not "fapifying" them. This is a term i invented to refer to the way i would turn a woman into an object with which to fap to. Only seeing women as i did in porn turned them, fapified them, into the hyper sexualised image i masturbated to.
Change the way porn objectifies women in your own mind, and youll avoid fapifying them.
8)

Exactly! Not fapifying them, that's pretty good. What you're calling fapifying I'd call idolizing them, as I turned them into objects of worship- however, instead of them being truly honored, it simply turned them into commodities and and a means to fulfill my own selfish pleasure.