Need some help with this

[Out_of_The_Pits]

Well I've been going alone on this for a while and I was able to go for like 3 months but just relapsed today. I need some help on things.

Totally lost on how to start this. I guess I'll summarize my experience so far. I've had this problem from childhood. Things went really bad back than, thus leaving me depressed and isolated. Actually I've had intermittent depression problems for as long as I can remember. For some reason I ended up looking at some really degrading stuff. I didn't really know it was because of its sexual nature. I was just fascinated for some reason. I started on the creepy stuff. Since then I've been trying to quit, 9 years.

So I'm attempting to quit. If I can get past the hump I'll be able to maintain it for a long time. Than I get a bad depressive spell. I get through this fine, and come out the otherside fine. My creativity returns. Usually I forget I had a problem at all and something happens where I remember and am totally not prepared for it. I remind myself that the porn is a symptom not the problem. I also try to relax since this is an ocd thing, but I relapse causing me to get depressed again.

Questions:

How do I stop this cycle?

Can withdrawal cause short bouts of Hypomania/painful dysphoria? I've never had these experiences before. They're intense and exhausting. like 16 hour long periods occurring day after day with no warning other than stress. They go away as fast as they came too, and only happen when I'm panicky, and have forgotten porn.

How do you deal with emotions getting in the way of your recovery?

What techniques can you use to accept your feelings during the bad times when you've had this crutch for so long? I want to learn emotional strength like normal people have.

Being an extreme introvert in a new town. How do you build a social life? What do adults do for fun other than drinks/movies? I've moved around so much I haven't had many friends since grade school.

anxiety tricks? this seams to be the big trigger for relapse. After I feel better I drop my guard and that's when I relapse. I get one thought and I don't know how to stop it. then I get cravings for a few days till I give in.

 

[nD86]

Please, please, please check out tapping / Emotional Freedom Technique.

As is often the case, it's easy to learn yet hard to master, but it will set you on your way to becoming a more wholesome person emotionally. I would not consider your emotions as things that get in the way of your growth. Rather, emotions are your growth.
Strong negative emotions are your mind-body system's way of telling you where the blockages are that need to be cleared up.

Engage your body in a dialogue through emotions by learning how to speak its language.

Good luck!

 

[Secondhalf]

I'm in the same boat after 2-3 weeks I almost fel like I have to fap but know it will be worse in the long run.  I will try tapping and qigong.
Any other suggestions?

 

[Poker]

I want you to look at it this way.....

This problem is totally fixable.  Totally and completely.  And.... its also breakable again.  Do not put yourself through this incredible process of getting better and rewiring, only to throw it away down the road.....  You're to good to do that to yourself.

Good luck my friend.  Its not easy, but its worth it.

Cheers,

p.

 

[Out_of_The_Pits]

Thanks for the support guys. I know this thing is really just a crutch and without it I can learn to live better. I think my problem was I wasn't actually fixing my life just abstaining. Hopefully with your help I'll be able to do things differently this time.

Just start a journal post. So hopefully that will help get the bad times and see problems more clearly.