The journey

[Feetfirst]

Just clocking in. Had a slip Tues 6th Dec. Regrouping again. I am going to remove my counters so this will be my date stamp. May I be celebrating 1 year from today and 10 years from today. I don't want porn in my life. It's distructive force cannot be allowed to take a foothold again. I have made a lot of progress I just need to regroup. Taking daily inventory of resentments, fears or anything that is negative is helpful to keeping on the good path. Regular contact with people who I can speak openly too. Lonliness and isolation are this diseases biggest weapon. I commit to dissarming it of that in my life as of today. Porn is not the problem, it is the mind that perceives it as the solution that is the problem. This is the thing that needs to change. The good news is minds are changeable which means this is doable. Day at a time in the presence of my higher power I will suceed. FF

 

[marsturm]

Good luck, FF! Yes, our minds are changeable and this is good news. You can do it and I'm rooting for you. It's just thought that leads us to relapse.

 

[TK-421]

Onward and upward. I just finished reading "Breaking the Cycle" by George Collins (recommended if you haven't read it). He uses the analogy of setting out to summit a mountain. If you have a slip, it is like sliding backwards down the mountain after making progress. You don't go all the way back to the beginning (ie not all of your previous work is for nothing), but you do need to stop sliding backwards and continue the trek to the top.

You've made some good progress here, but time to regroup and continue on, one day at a time, building on your past success and insights. It's not easy and it requires work to figure out where the holes in your defences are and make adjustments and anticipate so you don't fall in the same hole again.

TK-421

 

[Feetfirst]

Thanks TK and Patrick. Yes have read it TK it is very good. Will give it a other look. Recovery is like patching a holey bucket. It needs to be exposed to water to know it where the holes are. For me these include this time recognizing danger points. Getting home late from work. Tired, stressed hungry. Grabbing fast food and tv is so attractive but is a recipe for disaster. I commit from now when I get in the door to go and meditate/pray and take inventory before entering the eve zone. That way I have taken mind back to neutral. It works. So work it.

This came to me in meditation today where I drew up my nemisis and sat with it.

Vessels seems to be the theme!

When I connect to the vast expanse and stillness of my root mind I see my uncontrolled desire as a storm in a teacup.

Have a good day.
FF

 

[Feetfirst]

"
Greetings friends RB,

Its been a while. Day 3 sober.
Rocky recovery has been mu hallmark but I take some comfort from this little bit of wisdom "
Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don?t exist in the human experience. We must walk into the arena, whatever that might be?with courage and the willingness to engage. Rather than sitting on the sidelines and hurling judgment and advice, we must dare to show up and let ourselves be seen. This is vulnerability. This is daring greatly." B. BROWN
Today I got up at 5 did my practice for an hour. I commit to do this every day this week. I feel great for it. The heavy shadow of acting out on Friday has lifted. (In this moment).

The journey continues. One step at a time. Have a good day. FF

 

[TK-421]

FF,

Welcome back and sorry to hear about your recent struggles.  Regroup, refocus and try to gain insight about why you have continued to slip.  You have found some success here, so build on what you have learned and figure out where the holes in your defenses are.  This is a winnable fight.

TK-421

 

[Feetfirst]

Thank you TK for your supportive words. 1 week in and feeling good. Mon - Fri rose at 5am and did practice. Made a big difference. Bit of a crash over weekend energy wise. Lot of stuff coming up all at once. Rage, frustration, craving, sense of entitlement, blame, resentment to name a few!. Just done good meditation and it seems to have passed in this moment so I am relieved. Reconnected to the stillness that lies beneath everything. Thanks for being here. FF