Turn 32 soon and only had sex 3 times due to severe PIED and depression/anxiety

[PhilK]

hello all,

thought I would take the plunge and share my story and see if there is anyone in a similar boat or with advice?  I'm 31 will be 32 in Feb, never had a long term proper girlfriend due to long term PIED and depression/anxiety which is more less a result of the ED.

Discovered PMO and MO at around puberty and never looked back since!  It was like I was in love and I rushed home every day after school for my fix,  ED started to creep in even as young as around 14-15 when I got to doing foreplay with a girl and when she gave me a handjob, I was completely flaccid.  Also had a sorta girlfriend briefly at 18 and managed to get it up once or twice, but also had ED once or twice with her but dumped her as the sex I found very boring and just wanted to boast to my friends I had sex with a girl for the first time!  Have had ED a number of times with random girls over the years (5-10 attempted one night stands) but always had ED - at the time I blamed it on the alcohol and saying "brewers droop" became the norm.

So last Feb on turning 31 I managed to stop the porn after many attempts and hard work, entered a flatline after 1 month of intense craving and semen leakage etc, and am still more or less flat nearly a year on!  after 6 months I started to get nocturnal erections which was very very promising, but then it would disappear again and I would be back to being flat as a pancake.  I still get occasional nocturnal erections but it is far from being every night as it should be - also it is generally not 100% erect even when it happens, maybe fluctuating between 50-80% erect.  I have also had the worst ever anxiety/depression during this almost 1-year flatline which I am sure isn't helping things,  I am on antidepressants but not ones that cause ED (mirtazapine and also pregabalin for the anxiety) although the PIED is also definitely present as I had no nocturnal erections for many years and many ED occurances with zero real desire for the real deal, also I went through the same process as others of gradually worsening ED after years of porn use with desensitization, I am totally asexual most of the time still and it is killing me, I was even going to go for gay sex a few times years ago but couldn't go through with it as I knew I wasn't really gay but didn't know why I didn't really want to have real sex with real people (females)   Even considered suicide at times but am now starting runnning (although can only run for like 2 minutes so far lol after years of inactivity) and trying to get healthier to hopefully cure my ED and thus depression and try to find a relationship

Has anyone else been in a similar position and managed to get better?  It is hard to know right now if it is still genuine PIED or if my anxiety/depression are the real culprit, or a bit of both!  So I am trying to get physically fit in preparation for sex.  I do occassionally masturbate now and have had a few brief PMO relapses over the year but now strictly no porn at all now.

Does anyone know how quickly I will get 100% better or if there is anything I can do to speed things up?  I am sure my depression doesn't help and the anxiety is an erection killer but also sure PIED has played a role, if only I knew the damage I was doing all those years ago, wish I could invent a time machine lol

 

[ntg2978]

Hi PhilK, I'm not very experienced at abstaining from PMO'ing, as I'm brand new to this, however, I'm definitely not new to some of the things you describe in your post.  I have dealt with severe depression before, and would suggest if possible for you to try some NLP techniques while also taking your meds.  If you can just start smiling for 2-3 mins every day, for no reason, I think it might really help you out, as it did me.  Sounds crazy, I know, but it actually works.  If that makes you feel better, try to redirect your thoughts to positive ones; ask yourself throughout the day, "What am I grateful for?"  There is always stuff that sucks, but there is always a few things that are good too; try to focus on these and you will lift yourself out of the rut of habitually thinking negatively.

I can't answer as to your journey along not PMO'ing for nearly a year.

If you have any other questions about naturally combating depression, I'd love to help ya.

 

[PhilK]

well I have recently started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy if that is what you mean by NLP techniques?  Think it defo seems to be a combination of porn addiction and subsequent depression that has led to my current prediciment.  Hard not to get down when I look back at all the years I wasted on porn when I could have been pursuing girlfriends and friendships - but that is not going to get me anywhere so in the new year I plan to forgive myself for my mistakes and to intensify the running/rowing/weights and generally reintegrating with life that I have been doing, and of course make sure I stay away from porn.  The sad thing is that I always thought that if I met a girl I would just stop the wanking for a week or 2 and all would be good, is kind of a blessing that I didn't find a girlfriend as no doubt I would have hit a major flatline with no idea why I had the sudden worsening of erectile dysfunction!

 

[ntg2978]

well I have recently started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy if that is what you mean by NLP techniques? 

Yeah, I think Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) is part of CBT, or at least it can be.  Basically, NLP focuses on changing state (or feelings) based upon two things: 1) How you move your body (Physiology) and 2) What you focus on (Mental Focus/Psychology).  The smiling experiment works because changing how you habitually use your body will change the habitual feelings you experience.  If you normally wouldn't smile for no reason for 2-3 mins a day, that will dramatically shift the emotions you feel in any given day, and when your emotions shift, your focus tends to shift as well, as you start becoming happier, so you focus on happier things.

Think it defo seems to be a combination of porn addiction and subsequent depression that has led to my current prediciment.  Hard not to get down when I look back at all the years I wasted on porn when I could have been pursuing girlfriends and friendships

I've been dealing with this myself, lately, too.  Just last night, I got so frustrated that I wasted a lot of my life by not being more productive; but then I said to myself, "you did the best you knew how at the time" and I'll bet the same is true of you.  Hindsight is 20/20 as they say.  So, instead of focusing on how much you have lost, instead focus on where you want to be in 5, 10, and 20 yrs into the future.  You can't change the past, but you sure as hell can change the present and therefore the future.

Another thing I do, which may also help you, is create an autosuggestion, which I repeat daily (with feeling and intensity), in order to train my brain (subconscious) in the way I want it to be directed.  If you don't know much about this technique, pick up a copy of Think and Grow Rich by Napolen Hill.  If you're looking for some education on NLP, you can google it and find a ton of info, or you can also get some stuff by Anthony Robbins, who is a fantastic coach in changing your life, I have been through a couple of his programs, and I have benefited greatly.

The sad thing is that I always thought that if I met a girl I would just stop the wanking for a week or 2 and all would be good, is kind of a blessing that I didn't find a girlfriend as no doubt I would have hit a major flatline with no idea why I had the sudden worsening of erectile dysfunction!

I've been so surprised at how women take not being able to get it up so well; most of them just blame it on the alcohol, or nerves or whatever, and just focus on making love in other ways.  You'll actually find most women are pretty understanding about it, but that's of course in the short term.  But if you do get into a relationship, don't be afraid to be honest and say what you're working on, because that will help you immensely.  Sharing and being vulnerable is a way to shed ourselves of limiting beliefs and inaccurate ways of looking at the world.  With that said, I wouldn't share it right away, and only with someone who has gained your trust.  The best thing about being truly honest with a woman about all this, is that you will no longer feel you have to "prove" anything, because she knows what you're going through, and she accepts you regardless.  Trust me, there are areas of her life that she is not happy about as well, and both of you sharing and accepting each other for who you really are is a fantastic place to be, nothing else like it.