Hey guys this is Ricky here
Before I can say anything
I would like to say big Thanks to all of you guys who are helping to build this community by getting involved in helping one another.
I have always been this guy since the past few years of rebooting who obsessed about the PMO counter.
This obsession did manage to help me reach past a streak of 74 days,but I wouldnt say it was worth obsessing.
I binged on PMO 5 times since the last 24 hours of relapsing.
I was feeling miserable while making a decision to watch porn since I had focused only on abstaining from PMO.
I knew that I had been obsessing over that PMO counter eversince my reboot.I wanted to let go of that obsession,but at the same time I did not wanted to relapse.It was kind of a dicey situation for me to decide whether I watch porn and let go of my counter or just wait two more weeks to reach the 90 days mark and see how I would feel.
74 days is the longest streak I ever had till now over the years of wanting to reach 90 days.
I could have reached 90 days and then had a session but anyway it wouldnt be worth the wait either.
I think I made a right decision of watching porn instead of waiting to reach the 90 day mark.Some of you might not agree with this.
If you think am trying to rationalize my actions then please I'd like to listen to your opinions.
For the first time ever after relapsing I did not hate myself and I feel pretty much optimistic about looking forward for better things.
Guys I thinks its nearly two years since I found yourbrainonporn.
I have come to a point of believing what #Underdog said that 'Absistence is not the key to recovery' which is really vital to understand especially when you obsess over the PMO counter and spend a lot of time reading success stories of people feeling great and having super human abilities after reaching the 90 mark.
It might happen to some people but not for all of us.
Guys we can't wait for circumstances to make us feel good or we cannot wait for new people to come into our lives.
We are the creators,we need to reach out to people and be the best of who we are.I know this must be pollyannaish to some people but we all need to think about this,we have waited enough for our lives to improve,yet we still feel we are the same,we all imagined once the by the time we become a little older we will be better in all these areas.Yet we are still not progressing any faster.
I am one of those people who still tends to run on auto pilot mose all day long and hate myself at the end of the day.
After examining my so called rewarding activities I have come to a conclusion that it includes nothing but porn,music,cigarettes,weed,undirected random browsing,facebook,reading and listening motivational and inspiring stuff.
I think only the last one is pretty positive but everything else apart from that seem shallow to me,I had been quite depersonalized in the process of abstaining from PMO.
Anyone who can relate to me can quite understand what I am actually feeling like right now.
We need to shift our reward circuitory to find new things that will not just be positive and rewarding but that which will also enrich our souls to a degree where we can again be able feel connected to the life and the beauty around us without having to depend on any addictive substance or behavior.
Lets all hope for a better tommorow for us and the world around us.
Before I can say anything
I would like to say big Thanks to all of you guys who are helping to build this community by getting involved in helping one another.
I have always been this guy since the past few years of rebooting who obsessed about the PMO counter.
This obsession did manage to help me reach past a streak of 74 days,but I wouldnt say it was worth obsessing.
I binged on PMO 5 times since the last 24 hours of relapsing.
I was feeling miserable while making a decision to watch porn since I had focused only on abstaining from PMO.
I knew that I had been obsessing over that PMO counter eversince my reboot.I wanted to let go of that obsession,but at the same time I did not wanted to relapse.It was kind of a dicey situation for me to decide whether I watch porn and let go of my counter or just wait two more weeks to reach the 90 days mark and see how I would feel.
74 days is the longest streak I ever had till now over the years of wanting to reach 90 days.
I could have reached 90 days and then had a session but anyway it wouldnt be worth the wait either.
I think I made a right decision of watching porn instead of waiting to reach the 90 day mark.Some of you might not agree with this.
If you think am trying to rationalize my actions then please I'd like to listen to your opinions.
For the first time ever after relapsing I did not hate myself and I feel pretty much optimistic about looking forward for better things.
Guys I thinks its nearly two years since I found yourbrainonporn.
I have come to a point of believing what #Underdog said that 'Absistence is not the key to recovery' which is really vital to understand especially when you obsess over the PMO counter and spend a lot of time reading success stories of people feeling great and having super human abilities after reaching the 90 mark.
It might happen to some people but not for all of us.
Guys we can't wait for circumstances to make us feel good or we cannot wait for new people to come into our lives.
We are the creators,we need to reach out to people and be the best of who we are.I know this must be pollyannaish to some people but we all need to think about this,we have waited enough for our lives to improve,yet we still feel we are the same,we all imagined once the by the time we become a little older we will be better in all these areas.Yet we are still not progressing any faster.
I am one of those people who still tends to run on auto pilot mose all day long and hate myself at the end of the day.
After examining my so called rewarding activities I have come to a conclusion that it includes nothing but porn,music,cigarettes,weed,undirected random browsing,facebook,reading and listening motivational and inspiring stuff.
I think only the last one is pretty positive but everything else apart from that seem shallow to me,I had been quite depersonalized in the process of abstaining from PMO.
Anyone who can relate to me can quite understand what I am actually feeling like right now.
We need to shift our reward circuitory to find new things that will not just be positive and rewarding but that which will also enrich our souls to a degree where we can again be able feel connected to the life and the beauty around us without having to depend on any addictive substance or behavior.
Lets all hope for a better tommorow for us and the world around us.