I've been experiencing a number of problems caused by PA for years now.
This is essentially what I want to do to keep on track:
Don't think about porn/sex/sexual topics or fantasize.
Exercise daily.
Keep working towards my personal goals.
Do a few things to help stay positive every day, (very simple things).
I'd be happy for any advice from more experienced members on how to modify this list.
Even though these are seemingly simple things to do, I've failed to do them consistently. I'll try to report regularly on how I've done each day.
I find it hard to stay motivated. Getting really into pursuing your goals seems to require some sensitivity and openness to life, but I mostly wall everything out. There's sort of a rejection of the world, if that makes sense. I've been consistently, chronically depressed for so many years that most people seem to take it as just part of my character. I can't even convince myself that porn is the cause of my depression, even though it seems so from a logical perspective. Progression of porn addiction, depression, anxiety, all seem to have come hand in hand, and this is consistent with a lot of what other members have reported, but the emotional part of me won't fully accept it.
I don't even really enjoy porn, it's really disgusting, but so far I haven't been able to stop. This isn't actually surprising. As I've learned from neurology, the mechanisms behind motivation and pleasure are related but distinct. In other words, even though the actual porn session isn't enjoyable, I still feel massive needs for it. This is why people watch TV, even though they don't actually enjoy watching TV (apparently there's research that claims people enjoy their work much more than watching TV during time off.) It has fast changing scenes, going from one dramatic event to the other, and so people sometimes find themselves watching TV when a lot of other activities would be more relaxing and pleasant. Thus it seems to be with porn, and a lot of things.
I'm apparently not too good at this (recovery), so I'd really appreciate any advice from the successfully recovered here.
Anyways, hope this unorganized mess was readable. I'm going to write a nightly summary of how I did during the day on this journal - (the purpose of this journal) - so I can routinely see how I'm doing and remind myself of my goals on PA and related things. I'm trying to improve my consistency by doing this every night.
This is essentially what I want to do to keep on track:
Don't think about porn/sex/sexual topics or fantasize.
Exercise daily.
Keep working towards my personal goals.
Do a few things to help stay positive every day, (very simple things).
I'd be happy for any advice from more experienced members on how to modify this list.
Even though these are seemingly simple things to do, I've failed to do them consistently. I'll try to report regularly on how I've done each day.
I find it hard to stay motivated. Getting really into pursuing your goals seems to require some sensitivity and openness to life, but I mostly wall everything out. There's sort of a rejection of the world, if that makes sense. I've been consistently, chronically depressed for so many years that most people seem to take it as just part of my character. I can't even convince myself that porn is the cause of my depression, even though it seems so from a logical perspective. Progression of porn addiction, depression, anxiety, all seem to have come hand in hand, and this is consistent with a lot of what other members have reported, but the emotional part of me won't fully accept it.
I don't even really enjoy porn, it's really disgusting, but so far I haven't been able to stop. This isn't actually surprising. As I've learned from neurology, the mechanisms behind motivation and pleasure are related but distinct. In other words, even though the actual porn session isn't enjoyable, I still feel massive needs for it. This is why people watch TV, even though they don't actually enjoy watching TV (apparently there's research that claims people enjoy their work much more than watching TV during time off.) It has fast changing scenes, going from one dramatic event to the other, and so people sometimes find themselves watching TV when a lot of other activities would be more relaxing and pleasant. Thus it seems to be with porn, and a lot of things.
I'm apparently not too good at this (recovery), so I'd really appreciate any advice from the successfully recovered here.
Anyways, hope this unorganized mess was readable. I'm going to write a nightly summary of how I did during the day on this journal - (the purpose of this journal) - so I can routinely see how I'm doing and remind myself of my goals on PA and related things. I'm trying to improve my consistency by doing this every night.