Dharmabum
Active Member
So, here's a question I haven't seen addressed (maybe I've missed it).
I have a number of friends in recovery, most of them for alcohol-related abuses. They are viewed as pretty heroic for sustaining sobriety, and no one seems to judge them for their past.
Meanwhile, we have an addiction that has a different stigma around it. To say, "Yeah, I used to drink two bottles of vodka a night, and now I'm clean" sounds very different than "I used to watch 3 hours of S&M videos a day, and now I don't do that anymore."
I guess I am asking how broad of a circle of loved ones you shared your addiction with, because sexuality is a very different beast than substance abuse, and while you want to bring your addiction into the light, you don't want to run people off. Mostly, when I get to that point in the Steps process of making amends, I feel compelled to apologize to the female friends I have flirted with online, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable. My other option is to just stop the flirtation and engage in healthy conversations without ever mentioning the omission of my more flirtatious comments going forward.
For the time being, I am going radio silent on social media, and using that time to do the work and build enough success in my recovery to feel like I can maintain 100% completely healthy friendships without trying to weave intrigue into the friendship.
But do you put cards on the table so you have a clean slate, or do you just change the dynamic and assume a clean slate moving forward? I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I want to stop hiding this addiction also because I think (within reason) a few people knowing about it and supporting you is good. I don't want to share it with anyone who it will harm (who doesn't absolutely have to know). For example, my wife has to know (and boy, she already knows). My kids do not. My 90 year old parents certainly do not. But friends?.where's the line with that?
I have a number of friends in recovery, most of them for alcohol-related abuses. They are viewed as pretty heroic for sustaining sobriety, and no one seems to judge them for their past.
Meanwhile, we have an addiction that has a different stigma around it. To say, "Yeah, I used to drink two bottles of vodka a night, and now I'm clean" sounds very different than "I used to watch 3 hours of S&M videos a day, and now I don't do that anymore."
I guess I am asking how broad of a circle of loved ones you shared your addiction with, because sexuality is a very different beast than substance abuse, and while you want to bring your addiction into the light, you don't want to run people off. Mostly, when I get to that point in the Steps process of making amends, I feel compelled to apologize to the female friends I have flirted with online, but I don't want to make them uncomfortable. My other option is to just stop the flirtation and engage in healthy conversations without ever mentioning the omission of my more flirtatious comments going forward.
For the time being, I am going radio silent on social media, and using that time to do the work and build enough success in my recovery to feel like I can maintain 100% completely healthy friendships without trying to weave intrigue into the friendship.
But do you put cards on the table so you have a clean slate, or do you just change the dynamic and assume a clean slate moving forward? I don't want to make people uncomfortable, but I want to stop hiding this addiction also because I think (within reason) a few people knowing about it and supporting you is good. I don't want to share it with anyone who it will harm (who doesn't absolutely have to know). For example, my wife has to know (and boy, she already knows). My kids do not. My 90 year old parents certainly do not. But friends?.where's the line with that?