PIED Gone but DE continues to be a problem. Looking for advice or support.

[Avar]

Well It seems like PIED is not an issue for me anymore. I continually can achieve erections with the girl Im seeing and pretty much have no desire to see porn. The issue Ive had the last few times are all DE related. I can go at it for 30 minutes and nothing.

We had sex yesterday after not having not O'd for 8 days and after wards I finished myself off but it took 15 minutes. i defintly know I have death grip issues (i actually think its speed related as i had a less grip but I had to do it vigorously to actually finish)

The girl Im seeing knows all about my giving up porn and not masturbating and she has been great but I think she is getting frustrated with this as am I. Ive read lots of reports on here and reddit about curing this and maybe I just need more time but its very frustrating.

Ever since doing my 90+ days of porn free/no fap Ive masturbated a few times mainly right after sex with the girl Im seeing or a day after but been cutting it out.

My questions are do you guys think I should abstain from it period? I was thinking of implementing a rule that after sex I wont finish myself off at all, that I have to finish in her. How about the fleshlight/light grip plans?

Here are some links/reports from people and wanted to see if anyone has done any of this.

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=25938.0 - Guy mentions here a girl he has been with talks about using light grip only.

http://www.curedeathgrip.com/ - This site talks about the issue with light grip use or a fleshlight. Im afraid the fleshlight would just be a replacement and would be too tight but I like the idea of using it too practice handsfree too stimulate sex

http://www.reddit.com/r/NoFap/comments/18dng1/i_cured_my_own_de_in_two_days_using_citicoline_ama/ - This guy claims to have used this supplement to help cure it. Im desperate enough too try it  :-\

http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/hfrdp/hooray_for_kegels_punched_death_grip_and/ - Stories like this give me hope and I think I just need to experiment with her

Here are some excerpts from some people as well

I made an account to reply to this as I feel it is an issue that is not talked about enough. Some background info: married, 24, havent watched porn in a very long time but still MO. I have never had ED but do suffer from DE. For me it took quite a long time of doing nofap on and off, maybe a week or two steak here and there, for me to see a difference. I can cum from PIV if I haven't MO in a week. The first step that helped me was I left my wife give me a handjob. This helped me be more comfortable and associate her with sex. Also her grip was very light and so the sensations were very different. I still suffer from DE but it has gotten better, my longest streak was 2 weeks so I am sure if I stuck it out the whole 90 days I would be just fine. A few tips: find the position that works best for you(most intense) and do that position. Gradually I have been able to orgasm from other positions but it is very hard. Secondly, have sex when you are really horny, do not have sex when you are not feeling up to it. Do not have sex when you have had anything to drink that night (alcohol). Also when you do think you are about to cum slow down the thrusts so your body can get used to the slower movement. One last thing, at first I used to try and fantasize in my mind while having sex but that just made things weird after a while and I became to focused on that and my mind started to wander. It helps me to focus only on what pleasure I am feeling at that moment. Just focus on your bodies and not some fantasy you have in your head. **One last thing, do not jack off any more, every time I do it resets my DE and takes me about a week to be able to PIVO **

My partner also has delayed ejaculation and we have a couple different ways we are working on getting him to regain sensitivity as well has have methods to enable him to "eventually" orgasm during sex in a way that still feels intimate. My partner had a long dry spell before he met me and had spent a full year doing A LOT of masturbating to porn to keep up with his libido. While I'm a huge fan of porn and masturbation you can have too much of a good thing when it is done in a way that is desensitizing.
The cause of my partner's delayed ejaculation is related to the fact that through masturbation he's trained himself to only orgasm through a very specific type of stimulation that provides more pressure and friction then my mouth, vagina and ass can provide. Our sex sessions usually last between 1.5 -3 hours (I only get to see him for a day and a half a week so we have to make it count) going back and forth between lots of different sexual acts and he won't come until the very end.
The techniques we are using to help resensitize him are that he has started using lube to masturbate (masturbating dry is desensitizing), he is using porn less often to masturbate, we are also saving for a Tenga Flip Hole which feels more similar to a vagina (apparently it feels amazing which doesn't surprise me because we've also tried Tenga eggs and those are also amazing) and prevents him from gripping his cock too hard. He's already seen some improvement.
You will see people advocating for not fapping and while that will bring sensitivity back its not the best solution in my opinion. It will help him resensitize faster but it ultimately doesn't change the underlying cause of poor masturbation technique. I personally advocate for having him continue to fap just in ways that are less desensitizing. Decide what works best for you two.
While my partner's sensitivity is slowly coming back we have methods we are using to allow him to orgasm during sex in order to prevent blue balls that are still very intimate. Typically we like to spend a large amount of time pleasing each other and we both love giving oral. I use oral on him both to get him and myself excited as a form of foreplay for vaginal or anal sex. We typically switch back and forth between oral, manual and penetrative sex until I've had more orgasms then I can take and I need to give myself a break (ironically I have a hair trigger orgasm and I'm multiorgasmic, exact opposite of my partner). When I can no longer take him inside me or touching my clitoris I take control and go down on him for a while putting all my focus on him to build him up to an orgasm. I've gotten really good at getting him right on the edge with my mouth and hands but so far haven't been able to knock him over the edge.
Typically I'll get him right on the verge of orgasm and then he'll take over and masturbate to knock himself over the edge. I find it arousing since I love to watch him stroke his cock while he looks at me and I keep it intimate by continuing to give him pleasure. Oftentimes I'll lick his balls or nipples or continue to touch him in some way while he does this so that I am still involved as part of the pleasure. Personally, since I love eating cum I have him go back in my mouth right as him orgasm starts. This makes it very intimate for both of us since I still get to feel his orgasm and he gets the stimulation during orgasm of having my mouth there licking and sucking his ejaculate out of him. You guys could try this since it will allow you to maintain intimacy while still preventing the blue balls.
Changing your masturbation technique is really the only long term solution for this but in the meantime find other means of getting to orgasm that allow you to maintain intimacy together.

 

[Gabe Deem]

@ Avar

First of all congrats on the improvements you've seen thus far, and you are doing awesome with the reboot. It fills me with joy to see that you are serious about your reboot and are actually doing the research needed to understand this problem.

I only have 2 things to say.

My questions are do you guys think I should abstain from it period? I was thinking of implementing a rule that after sex I wont finish myself off at all, that I have to finish in her. How about the fleshlight/light grip plans?

First, yes I think you should avoid finishing yourself off. You are only reinforcing your dependency on finishing yourself off with your hand. I found during my reboot that sex without orgasm was actually very beneficial. It bonded me and rewired me to my partner without providing me the neurochemical hit of orgasms that can sometimes send a rebooter back into a flat-line if it happens too soon in the reboot process. If you're interested more in this google Karezza. and read this - http://legacy.rebootnation.org/index.php?topic=67.0

You can probably still recover going on the path you are going, but I believe going without finishing yourself off will help you in your reboot, and probably lead to you being healed sooner. If you get "blue balls" or pain in the testicles from built up tension, take a cold shower or rinse your nuts off with cold water. It helped me.

As far as the light-grip plans, I'd say occasional light touch would be fine and maybe helpful, but I personally would prefer all touch coming from my partner. That is something that is completely up to you. Let us know how it goes whatever you decide.

Second, you probably need more time. Simple as that, this can be a long, slow process, and it sounds like you are well on your way, but probably need a little more time. Keep truckin'.

Hope that helps. Much Love

 

[Avar]

Hey Gabe, thanks for the response. I found a thread over at your brain rebalanced

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=18121.0


I think DE is a hard issue to resolve because it depends on the person. I went MO free for 104 days and saw no progress. I had sex again last night and felt more sensation then before but still no luck finishing. Id love to get more stories from those who cured themselves in regards too retraining yourself vs waiting.

 

[Stevew]

60 days of no orgasming cured my DE of which was pretty bad. Do you tense your PC muscles? I have recently realised even throughout the day and especially when masturbating i tense my pc muscles. This can cause DE It for me has became a natural habit. My De hasn't come back yet but speaking to someone i know on another forum he said if you tense your pc muscles it can cause this.
I think not tensing your pc muscles and stopping orgasms for a good couple of months will fix it.

 

[ymac]

Please what is DE? I read people saying they have DE but no more ED. I cant figure out what DE is. Please tell me the full name. Thanks

 

[Phase2]

Delayed Ejaculation. Check out this page for the fundamentals. http://yourbrainonporn.com/node/79