Tonight might be difficult

[ChangeNow]

One of my triggers is being alone. My wife is talking about being gone for awhile tonight and my immediate thought is PMO! I hate how this has warped my mind. I will need to stay busy with something else that is for sure. I will check back in if I need encouraged.

 

[ntg2978]

What helps me when I have idle time is to focus on helping other people.  This does two things, 1) It makes me feel good, because I feel like the experiences that I've had are being used for something positive, and I feel good about myself because I'm helping someone else to get over something that is troubling them.  and 2) It keeps me busy, and I end up forgetting all about myself, because you can only focus on one thing at a time.  There's an old saying that when you are worried about something in your own life, focus on somebody else, and usually it will take care of itself.  Usually, we worry about things that we can do nothing about, and this helps us use our time wisely instead of trying to "kill" it or something in order to stay busy.  Hope this helps.

 

[ChangeNow]

Thanks for the reply. It doesn't look like she is leaving which is good. It had been just a few days since I committed to rebooting and a trigger/temptation so soon seemed difficult. I will give some thought  about somethings I could do to keep myself busy.

I have always been solitary and never been a social person, which is the draw to porn. I can have
"experiences" that I could never bring myself to do. I always have "lived" through fantasies and need to really work on being a better person.

I don't know how I ever met and married a wonderful woman, but I did.

I know that if she wasn't in my life I would have descended into a total miserable life of PMO all the time alone.
I really want to break free and be a better husband and man.

 

[Dharmabum]

Hey ChangeNow,

I faced my first day of being totally alone yesterday when my wife and kids went to visit family.  I managed through it much better than expected.  What worked for me was having a list of things to accomplish, keeping my site blocker up, and staying out of the bedroom (which was easier than ever since something obviously died in our basement and there's a 'dead rodent' smell coming up through the bedroom vents - I don't recommend this tactic as a regular way to avoid PMO, btw).

Anyway, I actually had 3 or 4 things on my list of things that were particularly designed to surprise my wife or take one thing off of her list.  Doing those things made me feel like I was really building momentum and moving away from my old habits. 

Glad you didn't have to stare down alone time if you didn't' feel ready to do so.  Just wanted to share my experience in case there was anything from it that might seem to resonate for that inevitable day or evening when you do have the place to yourself and are trying to honor your bottom lines.

Be well!