20+ years of addiction. Searching for a new life
- Thread starter TP
- Start date
TP
Member
I am doing the same (I gave K9 password to my wife and I am using her email.), I have no chance to edit the program, but if you are using windows and have administrative power K9 is pretty useless. To avoid that I am using standard user account, so it takes much more time to bypass K9 and I don't really try to do that.
I am trying to avoid all opportunity triggers, because they are biggest problem of mine.
I am trying to avoid all opportunity triggers, because they are biggest problem of mine.
TP
Member
I am on the 4th day again. But I feel stronger than before. I have decided to separate M from watching P. My main goal is to beat porn addiction, but abstaining from M is very desirable supplement. Somehow I feel that it might help.
Moreover, I have decided to fast 1 or 2 days a week this month. And really helps to clear my mind. Moreover, I introduced sanctions for my actions. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours. For P 72 hours. By say starving I am not meaning that I will absolutely abstain from food. It means that I will consume 500 ? 800 calories a day, so that way I will hunger all day. Moreover, I won?t use any salt or any other spice. And, of course, no baked food for starvation period.
It might look that I am too paranoiac or too strict to myself. But I am not. I am not progressing with my reboot process, so I have to do something and I feel that this will work for me.
I will be honest with myself and with my brother s rebooters, so I will show my reset (But I am not going to reset), whenever I feel down.
I am still on that ten rules I wrote here previously.
Man, I really like rules.
Moreover, I have decided to fast 1 or 2 days a week this month. And really helps to clear my mind. Moreover, I introduced sanctions for my actions. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours. For P 72 hours. By say starving I am not meaning that I will absolutely abstain from food. It means that I will consume 500 ? 800 calories a day, so that way I will hunger all day. Moreover, I won?t use any salt or any other spice. And, of course, no baked food for starvation period.
It might look that I am too paranoiac or too strict to myself. But I am not. I am not progressing with my reboot process, so I have to do something and I feel that this will work for me.
I will be honest with myself and with my brother s rebooters, so I will show my reset (But I am not going to reset), whenever I feel down.
I am still on that ten rules I wrote here previously.
Man, I really like rules.
TP
Member
Day 7 (4th edition)
I had sexual dreams this night, so I am full of sexual energy today.
I feel that I want a real experience, It is interesting and I think it is a good and healthy feeling. I would look P, just as a second option for me. I badly desire a women. The bad side of all that is that I have a wife and we can't have sex now and I can't find somebody else (Because I am married).
May be I should participate in marathon or even better, in triatlon?
D
I had sexual dreams this night, so I am full of sexual energy today.
I feel that I want a real experience, It is interesting and I think it is a good and healthy feeling. I would look P, just as a second option for me. I badly desire a women. The bad side of all that is that I have a wife and we can't have sex now and I can't find somebody else (Because I am married).
May be I should participate in marathon or even better, in triatlon?
D
TP
Member
Day 8
Yesterday was really tough day. My libido was sky rocketing, because of the erotic dream, I had during the night. I could not imagine that dreams have such a big influence to our life. So it was really hard and I nearly relapsed. In my past I was using gmail to write sexual messages to the women. And what is the worst I still remember all the contacts of all the women, so yesterday I wrote to one of them trying to initiate some dirty talks. Thanks god she haven't replied up till now. I have deleted my gmail account, so I wouldn't wait for reply.
This habit is a really big problem of mine. It is even more addictive when P. I was spending hours by emailing. But I am back on track without any stupid actions.
Today I feel better, than yesterday, but all the filthy fantasies are bombarding my mind.
Yesterday was really tough day. My libido was sky rocketing, because of the erotic dream, I had during the night. I could not imagine that dreams have such a big influence to our life. So it was really hard and I nearly relapsed. In my past I was using gmail to write sexual messages to the women. And what is the worst I still remember all the contacts of all the women, so yesterday I wrote to one of them trying to initiate some dirty talks. Thanks god she haven't replied up till now. I have deleted my gmail account, so I wouldn't wait for reply.
This habit is a really big problem of mine. It is even more addictive when P. I was spending hours by emailing. But I am back on track without any stupid actions.
Today I feel better, than yesterday, but all the filthy fantasies are bombarding my mind.
TP
Member
Day 11
Today I was working during the night (I am working on shifts), so the lack of sleep made my willpower weaker. It is always like that, but I never relapse during these days, because I expect that they will be hard. The problem occurs when I start to think that I am strong enough to fight a desire, but the truth is that strong one runs away.
Today I was working during the night (I am working on shifts), so the lack of sleep made my willpower weaker. It is always like that, but I never relapse during these days, because I expect that they will be hard. The problem occurs when I start to think that I am strong enough to fight a desire, but the truth is that strong one runs away.
TP
Member
Day 13
Today I had really bad urges. My mind was totally upsest with a desire. I was in stupidity mode, so I decided to M just to avoid some very bad actions. Now I feel good and refreshed, because I feel that I made good decision, but only the future will show if it was a good idea.
Now because I M'ed, I wont use computer and starve for 1 day. It will help me to clean my mind, so see You on sunday!.
Today I had really bad urges. My mind was totally upsest with a desire. I was in stupidity mode, so I decided to M just to avoid some very bad actions. Now I feel good and refreshed, because I feel that I made good decision, but only the future will show if it was a good idea.
Now because I M'ed, I wont use computer and starve for 1 day. It will help me to clean my mind, so see You on sunday!.
TP
Member
Day 16
Basically, feel good no strong urges right now, but I want to share more about my inner word after M'ing 2 days ago? First hour I felt really great, like a newborn. But after some time, strong urges hit again and I tried to find ways to watch P, but I havn't. Nevertheless I M'ed for the 2nd time. After that I was still in pretty good mood. Interesting fact is that I wasn't blaming myself or feeling guilty but after M?ing I became very nervous and depressive. I felt like my life is miserable right now. I felt bad not I about M'ing, but about my work, my income, my skills etc. To sum up, I was feeling good that I M'ed, but the side affect was depression, apathy and higher level of angriness.
I dont want to fall into that black hole again, but before M'ing my libido was skyrocketing and I felt that I can do something really silly. I found a phone of the women who was searching for a lover (On the simple advertisement site). I felt like I am gone call her, but it would be a disaster for my family, because I have a wife and children and I know that such action would destroy harmony and love.
On the one hand I feel extremely badly after M'ing on the other hand I had to M, because I want to avoid even worse things from hapenning. Thou I feel good now; I know that after a couple of weeks I might fall into the similar situation. Pretty desperate situation, isn't it?
May be someone have any suggestions or ideas about that?
Basically, feel good no strong urges right now, but I want to share more about my inner word after M'ing 2 days ago? First hour I felt really great, like a newborn. But after some time, strong urges hit again and I tried to find ways to watch P, but I havn't. Nevertheless I M'ed for the 2nd time. After that I was still in pretty good mood. Interesting fact is that I wasn't blaming myself or feeling guilty but after M?ing I became very nervous and depressive. I felt like my life is miserable right now. I felt bad not I about M'ing, but about my work, my income, my skills etc. To sum up, I was feeling good that I M'ed, but the side affect was depression, apathy and higher level of angriness.
I dont want to fall into that black hole again, but before M'ing my libido was skyrocketing and I felt that I can do something really silly. I found a phone of the women who was searching for a lover (On the simple advertisement site). I felt like I am gone call her, but it would be a disaster for my family, because I have a wife and children and I know that such action would destroy harmony and love.
On the one hand I feel extremely badly after M'ing on the other hand I had to M, because I want to avoid even worse things from hapenning. Thou I feel good now; I know that after a couple of weeks I might fall into the similar situation. Pretty desperate situation, isn't it?
May be someone have any suggestions or ideas about that?
TP
Member
Day 17
I had strong urges today, when my wife left me alone at home. I still have smart-phone, which is not protected... But I ran away. I was jogging for about 5 km. When I came back and made 40 pull - ups. After that I felt much better.
Updated sanctions for bad actions:
1. For P I won?t use PC and starve for 72 hours.
2. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours.
3. For trying to bypass web filter (even unsuccessfully) or for other unsuccessful attempts to watch P 24 hours abstaining from PC.
I like to read advertisements where women are looking for men; usually these advertisements are coupled with sexy female photos. Watching this == watching P, so I would restart my counter and penelyze myself as for watching P.
I had strong urges today, when my wife left me alone at home. I still have smart-phone, which is not protected... But I ran away. I was jogging for about 5 km. When I came back and made 40 pull - ups. After that I felt much better.
Updated sanctions for bad actions:
1. For P I won?t use PC and starve for 72 hours.
2. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours.
3. For trying to bypass web filter (even unsuccessfully) or for other unsuccessful attempts to watch P 24 hours abstaining from PC.
I like to read advertisements where women are looking for men; usually these advertisements are coupled with sexy female photos. Watching this == watching P, so I would restart my counter and penelyze myself as for watching P.
TP
Member
Day 18
I was busy all day long, so no strong urges today. Tomorrow is my shift, so I am going to work for 14 hours and I guess I wont have any strong urges either. Nevertheless my body feels the upcoming spring and a lot of mind is devoted to sex, I think about it every two minutes, but I guess it is normal...
I was busy all day long, so no strong urges today. Tomorrow is my shift, so I am going to work for 14 hours and I guess I wont have any strong urges either. Nevertheless my body feels the upcoming spring and a lot of mind is devoted to sex, I think about it every two minutes, but I guess it is normal...
MasterPablo
Member
Congratulations I've read it and it relly helped me https://get90days.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/how-to-heal-the-porn-addiction/
I've read it and it relly helped me https://get90days.wordpress.com/2015/03/18/how-to-heal-the-porn-addiction/
TP
Member
Day 22
@ MioMio, thanks man! I've already past a milestone of 3 weeks, I think I found a system that work for me.
@ MasterPablo. I really like the movie it shows how the addiction works in a very colorful way.
So it is already 3 weeks without P and more than 1 week without M. I think that penalty system, which I arranged suits for me perfectly. Upcoming penalty forces me to think more about the feeling after relapse...
Moreover, from the day I made a split between P and M, it is much easier to avoid just P, but I feel like I am gone M anytime, just to avoid worse things from happening.
@ MioMio, thanks man! I've already past a milestone of 3 weeks, I think I found a system that work for me.
@ MasterPablo. I really like the movie it shows how the addiction works in a very colorful way.
So it is already 3 weeks without P and more than 1 week without M. I think that penalty system, which I arranged suits for me perfectly. Upcoming penalty forces me to think more about the feeling after relapse...
Moreover, from the day I made a split between P and M, it is much easier to avoid just P, but I feel like I am gone M anytime, just to avoid worse things from happening.
M
mtaha2015
Guest
congrats on 25 days completion.
25 percent done.
100 day isn't far any more.
25 percent done.
100 day isn't far any more.
TP
Member
Updated penalties for bad actions:
1. For P I won?t use PC and starve for 72 hours (reset P counter).
2. For P subs I won't use computer for 72 hours and starve for 24 hours (reset P counter).
3. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours (reset M counter).
4. For trying to bypass web filter (even unsuccessfully) or for other unsuccessful attempts to watch P 24 hours abstaining from PC.
5. For any bullshiting in front of PC, I won't use computer for 2 x bullshiting time + for every minute 4 push - ups or 1 pull - up or 3 one leg squads.
6. For eating chocolate no PC after eating till the end of day + no food till the end of the day.
1. For P I won?t use PC and starve for 72 hours (reset P counter).
2. For P subs I won't use computer for 72 hours and starve for 24 hours (reset P counter).
3. For M I won?t use PC and starve for 24 hours (reset M counter).
4. For trying to bypass web filter (even unsuccessfully) or for other unsuccessful attempts to watch P 24 hours abstaining from PC.
5. For any bullshiting in front of PC, I won't use computer for 2 x bullshiting time + for every minute 4 push - ups or 1 pull - up or 3 one leg squads.
6. For eating chocolate no PC after eating till the end of day + no food till the end of the day.
M
mtaha2015
Guest
72 hour starve ?
come on !
don't be silly.
don't touch extremes !
you are taking too hard.
that is a very wrong strategy.
Food is essential.
that can bring serious consequences.
don't do that please.
come on !
don't be silly.
don't touch extremes !
you are taking too hard.
that is a very wrong strategy.
Food is essential.
that can bring serious consequences.
don't do that please.
TP
Member
mtaha2015 said:
By saying starve I mean, that I will consume from 500 to 800 calories per day. Just one good meal in the evening, so I could feel hunger all day...
This insane rules works perfectly for me. Since I introduced them I haven't watched P and I M'ed only once, thou I real want to relapse. These rules make me think about consequences before I relapse.
I always feel shame and depression before the relapse, but this shitty feeling never stopped me before the relapse.
I agree that it might look insane, but commitment without obligation is nothing for me.
Anyway we all have same goal, but we achieve it different ways.