Hey indiana,
I'm absolutely fascinated about how strong you were today! And thank you so much for sharing this
Well, how do I deal with these situations (and yes, I've had them, too). I think it depends on what type of man you are. You seem to be more the active type. Running sets free endorphines, so basically your brain cries for a hormone kick and you give it to him...not by watching porn, but by exercising which is far more healthy. For me, this would only work in specific situations...namely in situations were I feel like "running away" (from porn? from myself?). I don't run but use the bike instead to make more distance in shorter time. The effect is the same though.
What has always helped me in various difficult situations is thinking and analyzing. I analyze everyone and everything. It gives me a feeling of controlling. I can deal with problems I understand. Not understanding something is the worst that can happen to me. I rationalize my emotion when they overwhelm me negatively. I picture dopamine in its chemical structure, I picture how it is created and set free after nervous stimulation of the respective brain regions. That helps me to stop the process. The concluding question for me is always the same: "WHO's the fucking boss?". The answer is: me. By understanding the process, I stand above it.
I know this is totally different to serious depressions...but when I suffer from really really "bad mood", I have two options:
a) I recall what happens in my brain right now. I understand that this is only an emotion and emotions are as physically as everything else on earth. So, really, I am not a victim of something magical or uncontrollable. I also do exercises of relaxation and self-hypnosis to gain control over subconsciousness. It works to a certain extent, but not fully. And it took me years to get there.
b) I accept. I understand that it makes me human to have bad mood. And that later that day (or tomorrow) I might laugh about the present me. I will thank it for having had bad mood, because then I will be able to appreciate happiness even more.
If you want to exercise acceptance, then get up from bed when suffering too much. Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself and say something like "I am feeling low today. That might not be good, but it is as it is. It makes me human and I like myself just exactly the way I am". You'll see it helps you and it might even raise your mood.