Bestyear2015
Member
Into day 34 now. Have had some amazing days, but this one was hell! No way I am giving up. Way too much on the line. Encouraged by stories of those that have broken through so I will do the same!
My Journal
- Thread starter Bestyear2015
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Chaos Mind
Active Member
Maybe it helps you providing us with some information. What's your enemy? How do you fight it? What do you fight for?
Write it down, share it with us and you'll feel better.
Keep it up!
Write it down, share it with us and you'll feel better.
Keep it up!
Dharmabum
Active Member
We're here to help you find your way through hellish days, my friend. If not from our advice, at least from our own stories - we often find common ground in our journals that helps us feel less alone and more courageous.
And as for going through hell, I like that old Native American parable that ends, "If you're going through hell, keep going." We have to walk all the way through the fire to come out the other side.
Please share anything you feel like sharing with us so we can lend support, and thanks for being here, Bestyear.
And as for going through hell, I like that old Native American parable that ends, "If you're going through hell, keep going." We have to walk all the way through the fire to come out the other side.
Please share anything you feel like sharing with us so we can lend support, and thanks for being here, Bestyear.
Bestyear2015
Member
Thanks for the support. Here is the short story. Been married for six years. The first four were really good...amazing sex and everything. Around year 4 started to use porn as my wife was away on business a lot. It was a slow slide, but the sex started to slowly get worse to the point were I was really off and on in the sack in terms of my erection. Been rebooting 34 days now. Cravings the first week, flatline the second, and by around day 30 horny like crazy but going in and out of flatline. I feel I am in the process of a full recovery, but the moodnswings are the worst. I also feel like I am becoming a better more confident person...slowly lol. Thanks for the support.
Bestyear2015
Member
35 days in, and I truly feel like there is some magic happening in my brain. I feel euphoric and full of energy. Every day I cannot wait to hit the gymn, socialize with people, and my outlook on life makes me feel I can do anything. Becoming soft hearted and hard bonered rather than the other way around. To all those struggling (and I am sure I am not done yet with tough days) keep on keeping on.
Chaos Mind
Active Member
Had to laugh sooo hard about that one
great job, man!Bestyear2015
Member
Frustrated like crazy. After a few days of feeling completely rebooted complete with raging 100 percent boners lasting a very long time I wanted to make love to the wife in the morning but felt nothing. I can't understand this. I feel super anxious about this.
Dharmabum
Active Member
I would go into slight panic when faced with the prospect of intimacy. I could get erect elsewhere, but when it was just the two of us, I would get self-conscious and it would cause issues.
Give yourself time. The more anxious you are, the more it tends to become self-defeating. I had to say it out loud to my wife, "I love you, but I'm struggling with nerves." The more open I was, the more it sorta demystified the situation. We eased our way back into it, more than once.
Our bodies and brains are learning a whole new circuitry after we've led them down a different path for years, even decades. It takes time. Ask for her patience, but be sure to be patient with yourself. Celebrate every tiny bit of progress, and don't let setbacks feel permanent. They're not.
Give yourself time. The more anxious you are, the more it tends to become self-defeating. I had to say it out loud to my wife, "I love you, but I'm struggling with nerves." The more open I was, the more it sorta demystified the situation. We eased our way back into it, more than once.
Our bodies and brains are learning a whole new circuitry after we've led them down a different path for years, even decades. It takes time. Ask for her patience, but be sure to be patient with yourself. Celebrate every tiny bit of progress, and don't let setbacks feel permanent. They're not.
Chaos Mind
Active Member
Bestyear2015 said:
Really...this surprises you? Isn't it the same with MANY things we want so bad it hurts?
During the day you have 100 percent boners, because there is no reason to force yourself. But if I had to guess, I'd say that when making love to your wife, all your thoughts are circling around "I must not lose erection! I must not become limp! I must not fail!". Also, I know the process of negative feedback: "it works, doesn't it? Come on! Shouldn't it be hard already? Now, concentrate man! You did it yesterday, so it HAS to work today. Get hard now, please, please!". The more you think about it, the less likely it is going to work. The less it works, the more you focus on the failure.
This isn't a problem of PIED. It's a simple mental issue as it can happen in any other situation of life. In case you should not be able to deal with this problem in the future, I'd suggest you try exercises of relaxation, meditation or similar techniques. I have been practising these for several years now and my performance in sports has significally increased - mainly because I was able to get rid of the fear of losing.
Bestyear2015
Member
I am realizing that this idea of rebooting can apply to anything in life. Bad habits in general I think have a lot to do with that dopamine / reward circuitry response, and starving that process for anything leads to better days ahead. Will do a 60 day report soon!
Keep fighting my friend!
As for the issues you are having with performance, it does sound like it's all in your head - the big one. I too can suffer from that and what I've found works best for me is when I think of my GF and what she means to me and how great she feels in my arms, under me or onto top of me, how good her hands feel caressing me, how good it feels to be kissing her. I think about any and all of these things, especially when any negative thoughts pop into my head. It's can take practise, which you can do anytime. If you do any meditation or if you do any yoga (start the laughing and snickering...), I have found the mental aspect, to focus my thoughts internally are of great value for me. I use it now in business, with family and friends - and particularly with my performance issues. There are lots of sites that can help you learn more about the power of thought, how to control those negative thoughts and impose your own positive ones.
Good luck, you will be successful!
As for the issues you are having with performance, it does sound like it's all in your head - the big one. I too can suffer from that and what I've found works best for me is when I think of my GF and what she means to me and how great she feels in my arms, under me or onto top of me, how good her hands feel caressing me, how good it feels to be kissing her. I think about any and all of these things, especially when any negative thoughts pop into my head. It's can take practise, which you can do anytime. If you do any meditation or if you do any yoga (start the laughing and snickering...), I have found the mental aspect, to focus my thoughts internally are of great value for me. I use it now in business, with family and friends - and particularly with my performance issues. There are lots of sites that can help you learn more about the power of thought, how to control those negative thoughts and impose your own positive ones.
Good luck, you will be successful!
Bestyear2015
Member
Amazing sex at day 58. Unfortunately it put me into a flatline for a few days which I seem to be pulling out of again. Full recovery is in site. I can report that at day 60 the changes in my personality, ajd the hope i feel for the future are very motivating. Doing this reboots your whole life. Stay strong everyone! I plan to never PMO again!
Dharmabum
Active Member
Congrats BestYear! And thanks for the inspiration. I'm on the cusp of 50 days, and knowing 60 days is so close, with all the changes it promises, gives me hope to stay the course.
I have a thousand different reasons to stay sober, and only one to give in, and that one is delusion, a bottomless pit that can't be satisfied. So why try to feed it anymore, all it does is eat at my spirit and my sanity.
And I gotta say, being at 50 days, I'm feeling a lot of changes, most of them very positive. The thought that more growth and clarity and sanity lie ahead, well?I'm all for it.
Congratulations again, BestYear! Hope it is, indeed, your best year ever.
I have a thousand different reasons to stay sober, and only one to give in, and that one is delusion, a bottomless pit that can't be satisfied. So why try to feed it anymore, all it does is eat at my spirit and my sanity.
And I gotta say, being at 50 days, I'm feeling a lot of changes, most of them very positive. The thought that more growth and clarity and sanity lie ahead, well?I'm all for it.
Congratulations again, BestYear! Hope it is, indeed, your best year ever.
Chaos Mind
Active Member
Yes, that's so good to hear
Keep it up
Keep it up
lyon03
Respected Member
Wonderful to read you've moved from fighting addiction, to changing your outlook. It took me a while to understand that reboot was more than simply no-PMO, it was a life reboot as well. I look forward to following your journey to 90 and beyond. Stay strong. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.
Bestyear2015
Member
I am becoming so aware that this goes beyond porn. The problems it caused have now opened me up to wanting to learn more about the plasticity of the brain. That dopamine rush from any addicting behavior is what keeps us going back. Go through the pain, and come out the other side and experience bliss where your scumbag brain gets left behind. Makes the pain worth it. Got my whole life ahead.
Bestyear2015
Member
Need some advice from anyone who cares to weigh in. Since about day 55 or so I have been having what I would say is very good erection / orgasm. The frustrating part is I still seem to have short flatlines randomly were for a few days feel very little sexual arousal. I am limiting orgasms to one a week. Age 40 by the way. I am hoping to permanently pull out of the flatline. Good news is I really really hate porn and find it disgusting in hindsight, and feel free from the temptation even when I am horny. Feel for the young kids growing up on this shit. I did not watch porn in adolescence, and can imagine my reboot being even more difficult if I had. Also I am still rxperiencing some depression and anxiety. Sorry for the rambling
lyon03
Respected Member
I experienced something similar and think it's completely healthy my friend. Given what I've read in 'Your Brain on Porn' and on this website, arousal, sex and orgasm are very complex neuro-chemical processes. High-speed pornography f*cks up the healthy brain pathways, particularly through a dopamine/arousal addiction. Like me, you're rebuilding the natural pathways through reboot. But it takes time for the old porn pathways to die off (read about DeltaFosB). For example, after years of porn addiction, I associated orgasm with guilt/shame. So having meaningful and intimate sex with a partner left my brain with a, "Where's my guilt?" feeling post orgasm. As your brain rebalances, it may 'short circuit' from time to time after orgasm. For me, this resulted in feelings highs and lows that are now rebalancing. Thanks for sharing my friend because while writing this, I learned something. Hope that helped. Be well. PORN IS NOT AN OPTION.