roadtorecovery
Member
Hello fellow travelers, please take the time to listen to my story
I've been lurking around the YBOP site for a few weeks because fairly recently in my life I've started wrestling with ED. I'd say I've discovered the "wonders" of 'fapping' in my early teens before the age of internet. I guess it just felt good and just something I did in pursuit of that "rush" (the dopamine high?). Being honest with myself, my porn use hasn't been consistent throughout the years. There were certain stretches of my life where I hardly looked at it at all and there were some parts of my life where my porn use was more frequent, although I never really did those 8 hour binges (not putting down anyone on the site here). But fapping however was the more consistent factor in my life.
Then a few years later, I would discover the softcore stuff you'll see on the Cinemax and HBO cable channels after hours, but porn usage was not all that much because, still being a student at the time going to school I rarely if ever watched any stuff on week nights (and I don't think that they showed much stuff on weeknights anyway). Although on Friday and Saturday nights I was free to 'cut' loose. But throughout the years fapping has always been more or less somewhat consistent, so I guess that I was well down the road of my PMO routine although all this was still before the internet age; and even though I've seen a couple of hardcore stuff, my porn usage at that time has been more or less exclusive to softcore.
A few times I've tried giving up both porn and/or fapping but I was never successful in the long run.
In my mid twenties I was able to gain my first laptop, although being no stranger to the internet it allowed me easier access to pornography because I never wanted to risk looking at that stuff on public machines, and this happened at around the time where our cable company stopped offering the movie channels as a basic package. There I started delving more and more into the 'darkside' of hardcore, because it was a rush to see some of my favourite actresses that did softcore doing the hardcore stuff. However usage throughout the years has always fluctuated from seldomly to often and every where in between. I also dabbled in hentai but mostly the vanilla consensual stuff because I HATED the more extreme stuff like the 'tentacle/alien rape' thing that can be common with the genre.
Still here, thanks for being patient so far.........This is where things start to get interesting. Sometime in 2012, I decided I just wasn't going to fap anymore (maybe because I thought it was pathetic I was having all these "O's" by myself and not with a partner), and it was the longest I've ever went without fapping (actually 2 years). I'd still watched porn when the urge came on and like I mentioned a couple times in previous paragraphs, usage fluctuated.
Last year in 2014, being 35 yrs (and still a virgin) the fear of being a 40 yr old virgin made decide to solicit the services of "a sex worker", only to find out that years of bad fapping practices has given me a case PE. In an attempt to combat this problem I broke my 2 year ban on fapping so I could better control my stamina. There I admit my porn usage has increased because I needed it to practice edging techniques. The times I would edge without porn I can go 25 - 30 minutes on a good day (and the O's would feel more satisfying), with PMO , I would be lucky to pass the 10 minute mark. So by my logic, edging to porn was preferable since I was performing under a 'handicap', because trying to last longer was harder because of the higher state of arousal I was in due to the porn watching, the same sought of high arousal state I would have been with an actual partner.
Now the embarrassing part, Sometime at the end of 2014 after watching porn I fapped off an unsatisfying O, and the next day hen I tried to MO, my soldier just won't respond, and probably like most of the guys on this forums discovering ED for the first time panicked. So after searching around on the internet for information, I discovered this site and read some of the positive testimonies and some of the support you guys give to each other. Not to mention the information on YBOP has been most helpful. I decided that even though I believed I was not really addicted to porn, it wasn't worth the worth the well being of my 'little soldier' so I have decided to quit porn cold turkey and to cut down on the fapping.
Well that's about it, thanks for listening. Seeing that I've rambled quite a lot I won't post my journal just yet. I'll appreciate any comments and/or words of encouragement because since I've decided to stop PMO I would like to post my findings for your encouragement and support.
I've been lurking around the YBOP site for a few weeks because fairly recently in my life I've started wrestling with ED. I'd say I've discovered the "wonders" of 'fapping' in my early teens before the age of internet. I guess it just felt good and just something I did in pursuit of that "rush" (the dopamine high?). Being honest with myself, my porn use hasn't been consistent throughout the years. There were certain stretches of my life where I hardly looked at it at all and there were some parts of my life where my porn use was more frequent, although I never really did those 8 hour binges (not putting down anyone on the site here). But fapping however was the more consistent factor in my life.
Then a few years later, I would discover the softcore stuff you'll see on the Cinemax and HBO cable channels after hours, but porn usage was not all that much because, still being a student at the time going to school I rarely if ever watched any stuff on week nights (and I don't think that they showed much stuff on weeknights anyway). Although on Friday and Saturday nights I was free to 'cut' loose. But throughout the years fapping has always been more or less somewhat consistent, so I guess that I was well down the road of my PMO routine although all this was still before the internet age; and even though I've seen a couple of hardcore stuff, my porn usage at that time has been more or less exclusive to softcore.
A few times I've tried giving up both porn and/or fapping but I was never successful in the long run.
In my mid twenties I was able to gain my first laptop, although being no stranger to the internet it allowed me easier access to pornography because I never wanted to risk looking at that stuff on public machines, and this happened at around the time where our cable company stopped offering the movie channels as a basic package. There I started delving more and more into the 'darkside' of hardcore, because it was a rush to see some of my favourite actresses that did softcore doing the hardcore stuff. However usage throughout the years has always fluctuated from seldomly to often and every where in between. I also dabbled in hentai but mostly the vanilla consensual stuff because I HATED the more extreme stuff like the 'tentacle/alien rape' thing that can be common with the genre.
Still here, thanks for being patient so far.........This is where things start to get interesting. Sometime in 2012, I decided I just wasn't going to fap anymore (maybe because I thought it was pathetic I was having all these "O's" by myself and not with a partner), and it was the longest I've ever went without fapping (actually 2 years). I'd still watched porn when the urge came on and like I mentioned a couple times in previous paragraphs, usage fluctuated.
Last year in 2014, being 35 yrs (and still a virgin) the fear of being a 40 yr old virgin made decide to solicit the services of "a sex worker", only to find out that years of bad fapping practices has given me a case PE. In an attempt to combat this problem I broke my 2 year ban on fapping so I could better control my stamina. There I admit my porn usage has increased because I needed it to practice edging techniques. The times I would edge without porn I can go 25 - 30 minutes on a good day (and the O's would feel more satisfying), with PMO , I would be lucky to pass the 10 minute mark. So by my logic, edging to porn was preferable since I was performing under a 'handicap', because trying to last longer was harder because of the higher state of arousal I was in due to the porn watching, the same sought of high arousal state I would have been with an actual partner.
Now the embarrassing part, Sometime at the end of 2014 after watching porn I fapped off an unsatisfying O, and the next day hen I tried to MO, my soldier just won't respond, and probably like most of the guys on this forums discovering ED for the first time panicked. So after searching around on the internet for information, I discovered this site and read some of the positive testimonies and some of the support you guys give to each other. Not to mention the information on YBOP has been most helpful. I decided that even though I believed I was not really addicted to porn, it wasn't worth the worth the well being of my 'little soldier' so I have decided to quit porn cold turkey and to cut down on the fapping.
Well that's about it, thanks for listening. Seeing that I've rambled quite a lot I won't post my journal just yet. I'll appreciate any comments and/or words of encouragement because since I've decided to stop PMO I would like to post my findings for your encouragement and support.