21 y/o I always been active. Addicted to poem since I was 13. in high school played football ran track, with girls I struggled I had no confidence and low self esteem never had a girlfriend just a lot of crushes. I was PMO 2-3 times a day throughout highschool it iecame part of my schedule and life. I became obsessed with sex in class having fantasies about girls in my class naked and teachers. Once I graduated move out of state for school it was always something going on parties class I had A job so I cut back bn PMO to 1-2aday I started smoking weed and drinking before I went to parties so I wouldn't become so nervous and anxious I found alcohol to be a crutch when talking to girls I was smooth and they thought I was funny. Once I started dating this girl I would only pmo before I go see her so wouldn't constantly thinking about sex. Then when I finally had sex it great but I was selfish only worrying about my satisfaction. I couldn't connect with her emotionally and she felt that I wasn't devoted to her so it ended after 2 months went back to PMO 2aday stopped going to class I lost motivation so move home over the summer for school. Complete different atmosphere everything was slow I began to Masturbate more frequently there wasn't really parties more of social gatherings and chill vibes when girls approached me my socoal awkwardness anxiety got the best of me and I end up saying something stupid so I didn't bother approaching then people started to assume I was gay even my parents and sibilings so my anxiety rose through the roof even though I knew I was straight never had a gay thought. they tried to convince me I was in denial even my closest friend's So I became very depressed and irritated I always craved isolation.I could never control my temper an emotions at times. I began to masturbate porn more frequently to reassure I was straight. Throughout 9years I only watched lesibian and straight never watched gay or transexual porn or have I had the urge or curiosity to do so, But thoughts kept racing through my head and a started thinking on my past and on failed relationship and the fact I never had a long-lasting relationship but I wanted one. I soon found this Forum and yourbrainonPorn.com and realized I had HOCD and a porn addiction a small jolt of relief it open my eyes to what internet porn was doing to me. It felt good that there are people besides me that are going through the same thing that can relate. I tried to tell some close and even my parents but no one seems to understand the severity of this addiction or understand what I been going through for so long I just want to get my life back break the chains off and become the man I envisioned. This is my 6th reboot start up after many relapses. I'm on day 3 since the new year cold showers in the morning seems to help with urges.
21 just want to break the chains off
- Thread starter swift
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readytobefree
Active Member
Hey Swift, welcome to the forums man. You'll find that everybody here is super supportive and we're all rooting for each other. Make sure to check out all the literature on YBOP and Gabe's vids. I like the Sacred Sexuality Project as well, even though I'm not religious but Mark doesn't shove his beliefs down anyone's throats. He gives a ton of great practical advice. Good luck! 