I'm stuck in a rut. I NEED TO STOP THIS.

[hershey1989]

I've been watching pornography since 12 and it has always depressed me that I have this dark secret eating me inside out.  Now at 25, I feel like I can't even stop just because this habit has been cultivated over 13 years (which is a super long time!)

I don't know how on earth to get help.  I can't actually reveal this secret to anyone because I come from a society where such things are just not tolerated, almost a taboo to even speak about. That's the reason I found the website yourbrainonporn and this forum was listed on the support page.

I'm also a spiritual person so pornography has created a constant conflict between me and my religious beliefs.  It's like I repent and go back and do it over and over again.  It's just so frustrating that at times, I've even felt suicidal just coz I haven't been able to set free from this horrible compulsion.

Has anyone of you had a similar experience? If so, it would be great to have an accountability partner on Skype or something (doesn't have to involve talking, just even messaging helps.)

 

[Alessandro]

I am in a similar sitch - I'm the same age as you - started at the same time - I can't reveal my secret to anyone either. I have gradually been engaging in less P over a period of years without really confronting that I have a problem - I have it down now to perhaps once every couple of weeks but I have generally been failing to do any better than that - compared to some that might sound pretty decent but psychologically it is still a struggle and sometimes more frequent. I have tried various half-hearted tactics but nothing has ultimately worked - today I felt that I had to do something different so now I'm here. For me, it was a comfort to know someone is in the same situation as me - I hope it helps you as well.

If I remember I'll post again on this in about a week and say how I'm getting on. Good luck.

 

[Stiffy]

You've got this man, you don't necessarily need to share your problem with anyone but us. I don't know anything about an accountability partner... But I've found that journalling about it here has been quite a help. It feels great to let everyone know I've gone through another day without PMO. I know it will feel great for you as well.

 

[Vincent]

Yes, you made a good choice coming here. This - for me at least - was the ultimate help to alt least partially gain back the reins on my bumpy ride....

It helped me solidify my determination which was vital for my process of accepting the addiction as well as for the work I did on my plans. You will go through hard patches and also very joyous moments, believe me. I recommend, you distance yourself from porn on you own way, but the main importance is always, that you know where the road you follow will lead.

Usually, everybody here knows WHAT he/she has to do. The main problems often are  HOW TO START, WHAT TO DO WHEN IT FAILS, GET BACK ON TRACK and HOW TO GAIN BACK THE PRIDE AND SELFRESPECT TO FINALLY DITCH THIS STUFF.

I wish you the very best and be sure that everybody here is to stretch out their hands in time of need.

Some suggestions:
If you feel the urge for porn go to the forum or do something unrelated to PC usage.
Take you PC to public spaces for Internet usage eg. Library
compensate with sports for the building energy
push yourself to believe in yourself! The only thing that will eventually get you through it is the motivation, the spirit to carry on and you will to do it. You wrote that you are very spiritual. This is a very good chance for you to focus on your spirituality and engage more in it. It may help you to get out of the porn addiction, as it has done for others. For some, religion is the red thread to grasp for in dire times of need. Others find other ways. You find yours!

all the best

Vincent

 

[hershey1989]

Thanks guys, I don't feel alone anymore.  I shall start journaling every day.

Didn't watch it or masturbate yesterday (yes, I'm going to try the No Fap thing for a while).  I guess it's nothing to write about but I want to keep going.

 

[readytobefree]

Hey Hershey, good job on buckling down and giving it a go. I've been super depressed the last couple of days (relationship + life stuff) but coming to this forum and seeing guys talking freely with each other and so supportively can really choke a guy up. If you need any help don't hesitate to holler and let us know. Good luck buddy! Let's beat this thing.

 

[hershey1989]

Today (so far), yesterday and day before was/were good too.  But I can feel the urges coming on already (

Sucks.  For all the religious people out there, I found a course called Setting captives and I really like it.  I think the no fap website is pretty cool too.

 

[hershey1989]

BLOODY HELL, I relapsed already! WTF!?! I didn't even see that coming.

I'm just going to get back up and try again.  This is no time to give up and feel sorry for myself.

 

[igotapochahontas]

Im in the exact same situation except im 27. Ive tried quiting countless times and have failed quite a few times even since the short time ive been a part of this forum. Ive found something here that I hope will help me. 9 months before a full reboot seems impossible for me to think about so im going to combine two techniques ive found in this site. 21days with no p or m or even fantasy at all. Then after that time period I will allow myself to notice/fantasize about girls but not any porn fantasy, just regular sex. Some guys have "quick rebooted" using these techniques.

 

[readytobefree]

Hey hershey1989, man I can't count the number of times I've relapsed in the past 4 years i've tried to reboot after learning about YBOP. I like taking things a day at a time and beating back urges as they come one by one. I think if we think too far ahead into the future, it can be depressing because it's so long.

It's fantastic you're able to bounce back so fast after a relapse, it's important to get right back on the horse no matter why or how the relapse happened and to just forget it. Keep up that spirit! 

If you need an accountability buddy just let me know!

 

[hershey1989]

Thanks guys, it's so depressing to keep failing over and over.  2 days and again relapsed today.  So messed up.  There was one app on my phone (google app) that gave me the access and I exploited it. So I've deleted that now and I have adult controls set up on all my browsers and so far, it's hard to revert the settings, so that helps.

 

[Alessandro]

Hej Guys,

I said I'd post here again after a week if I remembered and I did so I have...

I feel that I've had a really positive week with no viewing - just thought it worth sharing what I've been doing since January 1st:

Adult controls set up on my computers - previously I had just made it difficult to get back the password but now I have made it totally impossible, just some random key presses I made no record of. Before I would store the password somewhere hard to get but Id always make the effort to find it if I felt an urge so now that's impossible.

Everytime I even slightly consider it I try and block the image with the thought of the reason why I need to stop, I say the words 'Not an Option' in my head and immediately do 10 press-ups. I don't care if that sounds weird - it seems to work.

I would usually only ever view at around 7 - 11pm at night in my bedroom so I've tried to be doing something in another room of the house during that time.

I used to compartmentalize the problem. Id only admit to myself that I got a problem in the minutes/hours after viewing and then the rest of the time I'd sorta pretend to myself that it's not an issue. Now, I remind myself just mentally a couple of times during the day that this is something that has a control over me and I find that this brings me, at least partially, back to the state of mind I find myself in during the mintes/hours after viewing and inspires me to keep going.

I used to find that my relapses would be gradual. After a day or two I'd go on websites which aren't necessarily pornographic but would 'accidentally' contain soft images and tell myself that it's ok. Then on websites with stronger images and then finally onto videos. Im not letting myself think that way anymore. Im considering any sort of sexual stimulation derived from my PC as a relapse

Don't worry hershey - it's a marathon, not a sprint, just keep pressing on. For me, it's been a good week, but I know there will be a point when my willpower will be really tested again, until then, I'm trying to do everything that physically prevents viewing and psychological discourages it. Keep trying - we'll get there. See you next week,

Alessandro