I'm not sure why, but I've been feeling triggered lately, especially today. I had a reset back on 12/27 after 114 days of sobriety and I feel like i lost a lot of progress with that relapse. I just keep getting feelings of denial and my addict keeps whispering to me, "looking at porn will make you feel better" "it's just a click away" "no one has to know" "it's just porn, every guy looks at it". I've been obsessively doubting the strength of my relationship with my wife and I feel like all of this stress is just self-inflicted and my addict is just waiting to take the wheel and drive me off into the ditch. I have been rather absent on this forum lately and that is not ok for me. Recovery must be a priority and this forum, along with SAA, is the basis of it.
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Feeling triggered today
- Thread starter Mbg
- Start date
I literally just had to tell myself to snap out of it. I searched on google for a television show that I knew contained women dressed provacatively. Sure it's just a tv show, but the intent was no different than porn, I just wanted to be aroused. I said out loud, "alright cut it out..." It's like a trance I slip into. Once I catch just a glimpse of something even remotely arousing, I keep scrolling in a desperate search for more.
U
Username
Guest
Mbg, thanks for having the courage to speak out beforehand first of all. We've all been there at some point and know how incredible vulnerable the days and weeks after a relapse are. A single, rather innocent incident can spark a chain of regrettable events. Furthermore, when you mention your obsessive rumination about your relationship, I hear you - believe me, I do. Same situation here, basically.
Anyway, you have to get out of this mess-to-come at first. I can't tell you anything you don't know already. Try to turn off your computer instantly when you feel you're about to fall back into old habits. Distract yourself instead of tempting yourself too much by staying at your desk. Write down everything that crosses your mind here to kill time and get your thoughts straight.
Good luck - keep us current.
Anyway, you have to get out of this mess-to-come at first. I can't tell you anything you don't know already. Try to turn off your computer instantly when you feel you're about to fall back into old habits. Distract yourself instead of tempting yourself too much by staying at your desk. Write down everything that crosses your mind here to kill time and get your thoughts straight.
Good luck - keep us current.
Thanks User,Username said:Mbg, thanks for having the courage to speak out beforehand first of all. We've all been there at some point and know how incredible vulnerable the days and weeks after a relapse are. A single, rather innocent incident can spark a chain of regrettable events. Furthermore, when you mention your obsessive rumination about your relationship, I hear you - believe me, I do. Same situation here, basically.
Anyway, you have to get out of this mess-to-come at first. I can't tell you anything you don't know already. Try to turn off your computer instantly when you feel you're about to fall back into old habits. Distract yourself instead of tempting yourself too much by staying at your desk. Write down everything that crosses your mind here to kill time and get your thoughts straight.
Good luck - keep us current.
I'm trying to get back to the frame of mind "one day at a time". Just taking steps like getting on this forum or reaching out to someone in my SAA group helps a lot when I start to slip off into fantasyland. Thanks for your response.