After a long journey with yourbrainonporn/nofap I could use some help from the community. First, let me tell you an abbreviated version of my story:
I?m 28, I came across nofap about 3 years ago in January of 2012. Since then I?ve been on a cycle of reboots and relapses of various lengths. I was the guy who found porn early, and who?s first sexual experiences all involve being behind a computer alone. I had few to no friends in middle and high school, and was very much a loner. I?ve also dealt with a great deal of anxiety and depression since I was 12. I?d say I PMO?d regularly from age 14 to age 24. Since finding ybop things have improved, but it?s been painfully slow. I?ve completely several imperfect reboots. My first one back in the middle of 2012 including a bunch of edging at the start, for some reason it didn?t register for me right away how harmful edging was. I?d say I edged somewhat regularly for the first 50 days, and then about 70 days of true hard mode. After, I dated a few different girls, and struggled through all things sexual with each of them. There was some progress, but nowhere near what I was hoping for. Since then I?ve had many 20-50 day reboots, each followed by me losing control at the end and sliding towards anything between a couple nights of PMO, or at worst a few weeks. There have been various flings with women during this time and my penis has never cooperated. Finally, I got back on track in the last quarter of 2014. I completed 100 days no PMO, but I met a girl on a bout day 20 and had regular sex for the duration. Things we?re better again, but still painfully slow. Often times I couldn?t get it up or keep it up. She is also a fantastic match for me in bed, and often times sex together was very intense, more closely resembling the way I stimulate myself masturbating than sex with other women does. That said, when I?m with her my erections don?t feel nearly as good as they do when I?m watching porn. We broke up last week, and I caved in last night and let a few sexy pictures slide into watching a clip of porn, I quickly recognized it would be best to just go masturbate without porn and get it over with rather than edging and flooding the dopamine receptors. I?m discouraged by how good it felt. Masturbating to porn felt so much better than sex with my ex. My erections are perfectly firm and everything seems to work. I?ve come so far and worked so hard here and it seems like healthy, piv sex still pales in comparison to masturbating to porn. I don?t know what to do. I guess I need more time.
I also want to mention that I am worried that my sexual functioning is suffering from prolonged periods of binging and purging. Sometimes I wonder if my body just needs regular orgasms to get back into a rhythm of some sort. I wonder if it?s unhealthy to be constantly going weeks or months between orgasms. This idea has been further promoted by the fact that I can almost never get off twice in one night. My body just can?t recuperate fast enough, and that makes me wonder if more regular orgasms are called for.
What I?m hoping for from the community is to hear from others who have been in a similar place, so that I can be encouraged that it will get better and my dick will function with the women I care about and that I can experienc healthy sexuality one day.
Thanks for reading.
I?m 28, I came across nofap about 3 years ago in January of 2012. Since then I?ve been on a cycle of reboots and relapses of various lengths. I was the guy who found porn early, and who?s first sexual experiences all involve being behind a computer alone. I had few to no friends in middle and high school, and was very much a loner. I?ve also dealt with a great deal of anxiety and depression since I was 12. I?d say I PMO?d regularly from age 14 to age 24. Since finding ybop things have improved, but it?s been painfully slow. I?ve completely several imperfect reboots. My first one back in the middle of 2012 including a bunch of edging at the start, for some reason it didn?t register for me right away how harmful edging was. I?d say I edged somewhat regularly for the first 50 days, and then about 70 days of true hard mode. After, I dated a few different girls, and struggled through all things sexual with each of them. There was some progress, but nowhere near what I was hoping for. Since then I?ve had many 20-50 day reboots, each followed by me losing control at the end and sliding towards anything between a couple nights of PMO, or at worst a few weeks. There have been various flings with women during this time and my penis has never cooperated. Finally, I got back on track in the last quarter of 2014. I completed 100 days no PMO, but I met a girl on a bout day 20 and had regular sex for the duration. Things we?re better again, but still painfully slow. Often times I couldn?t get it up or keep it up. She is also a fantastic match for me in bed, and often times sex together was very intense, more closely resembling the way I stimulate myself masturbating than sex with other women does. That said, when I?m with her my erections don?t feel nearly as good as they do when I?m watching porn. We broke up last week, and I caved in last night and let a few sexy pictures slide into watching a clip of porn, I quickly recognized it would be best to just go masturbate without porn and get it over with rather than edging and flooding the dopamine receptors. I?m discouraged by how good it felt. Masturbating to porn felt so much better than sex with my ex. My erections are perfectly firm and everything seems to work. I?ve come so far and worked so hard here and it seems like healthy, piv sex still pales in comparison to masturbating to porn. I don?t know what to do. I guess I need more time.
I also want to mention that I am worried that my sexual functioning is suffering from prolonged periods of binging and purging. Sometimes I wonder if my body just needs regular orgasms to get back into a rhythm of some sort. I wonder if it?s unhealthy to be constantly going weeks or months between orgasms. This idea has been further promoted by the fact that I can almost never get off twice in one night. My body just can?t recuperate fast enough, and that makes me wonder if more regular orgasms are called for.
What I?m hoping for from the community is to hear from others who have been in a similar place, so that I can be encouraged that it will get better and my dick will function with the women I care about and that I can experienc healthy sexuality one day.
Thanks for reading.
