In my experience, this seems like a difficult situation. I have been there too. The first few weeks of cold turkey reboot were hell. I had headaches, horrible depression, strong urges, and hyper sexual dreams almost nightly. I know how it feels to relapse, the guilt is hard to bare. With that said, for everyday of completed hardmode is the feeling of reclaiming manageability over my life. Porn and masturbation seem less and less like the bane of my existence. I am beginning to feel again and the sense of guilt and shame seem to disintegrate. I relapsed on 12/27 after 114 days of porn or masturbation and it really hurt. I felt like it was all for nothing. However, relapsing may be inevitable, but what I can do is make the choice to recommit to recovery after a relapse. Which means forging through guilt. I encourage you to stick with it. When you get anxious or lonely or just feel helpless, get on the forum. I recommend finding a 12 step group or something similar to help get you through trying times.