Big problem,would appreciate good advice

[Kubrickian]

Hi there one and all Happy 2015! I'm hoping I can get some feedback on this from anyone who has experienced similar scenarios or has any productive ideas on this particular problem!I think I'm making some progress I did a 42 day reboot and relapsed and have since done 32 days no M or P! I have had stirrings down below which I hadn't felt i decades and found that if I just stroke lightly with the tips of my fingers I can achieve a decent erection on my own! The problem is and it's the one I started with in the first place when it comes to being with a girl I still have severe anxiety that I won't be able to perform and if that's the case the first time with a very hot girl the. That hot girl is going to make her excuses and not want to see me again- so I take the blue pill to make sure it works as the anxiety gets stronger and stronger closer to the actual interaction, I took half last week and everything went great and then I took half this weekend and there were some near failures and I got even more worried!! Infact I was so worried I wouldn't be able to achieve a morning erection to satisfy her and 'seal the deal' that I got up in the middle of the night and took another half! I'm so dissappinted in myself but have no clue how to get around this as telling myself not to worry just doesn't work and when a girl is very attractive to me I am desperate to keep her liking me and know she could easily get some guy that gets ro ck  h ar d just from looking at her or at least having the luck to be having sex with her! The other thing is with the pills it completely diminishes the amazing sensations my penis feels numb and with a condom almost to the point of feeling hardly anything, the sex is more being able to appreciate her body and the sounds and movements than the sensations on my penis and that is deppressing! Also I can keep doing this as long as I know I have some time before sex to let the pill take effect but what if she wants something spontaneous to happen? She'll find out I'm a fraud that I'm only artificially a man in the bedroom for her! I suppose I'm just asking for help, advice cause in all honesty it's driving me a bit crazy and making me believe that yes I can get past PIED but can I ever get past performance anxiety?????
Thanks for reading

 

[Poker]

Ok....  a lot going on there.  Lets break this up into smaller separate problems.

You have or had PIED.  You are rebooting to correct that.  The goal is full recovery, and you're doing you part to make sure that happens I assume?  (Only you can honestly answer that one). 

Second...  You're not quite their yet as far as recovery and you want what with this girl?  You've already scored with her.  I assume you want a relationship with this girl.  Talk to her.  Be honest.  Show her Gabe's video so she gets it. 

I honestly think anyone who would leave you because you aren't rock hard right now...... well....  is she really worth it, or have you just built her up in your head because she's hot.

Besides.....  everybody looks at porn.  If she did bail on you, odds are the next guy she finds will be in the same boat you are. 

My honest advice.  Talk to her.  If she gets it, great.  If not, move on.  Lots of hot girls out there.  But more importantly, I'm going to go back to our first problem....  Take the time you need to recover. Now.  Otherwise, you are just going to repeat the problem over and over.  A lot of 12 step programs tell you no relationships for a year while you're going through recovery, because this kind of drama just fucks your recovery up.  Its a distraction.  It causes high's and low's in your life. 

You need to be upfront with her to remove the drama factor.  The anxiety factor.  IF she's cool with what's going on (and I have a hunch she will be) it will take sooooo much pressure off you. 

Tell her you've had some issues, talked to some people....  did some research....  and believe this is what's going on.  Show her the video from Gabe.....  and then tell her " you make me want to be a better person" so you're not going to watch porn anymore.  She will be flattered..... 

However..... you're not a fraud.  You have a problem that is fixable if you take some time to fix it.  Once its fixed....  You'll be fine.  There are too many stories of guys beating this, and you are no different.

Cheers,

p.

 

[Kubrickian]

Hey Poker thanks so much for taking time to reply! I have not been on in a while my job takes me places with no time or Internet connection! I have been rebooting had one relapse but all in all no P M or O! I've already explained to her the reboot I'm on but haven't had the courage to mention the pills or not to take them as she loves what I can achieve with her while I'm on them and I'm pretty darned terrified to disappoint or try without and show her if been lying about my prowess in bed all along! She's covered in tattoos and thinks I'm amazing in bed I just don't want all that to come crashing down by not being able to perform after having little to no problems so far! Thanks again and I really do apologise for not getting back sooner

 

[Poker]

You're fine.  No worries about the reply.

Glad to see you told her. ;

What resources have you been using on here?  How many video's have you watched?

p.

 

[Kubrickian]

Hi Poker thanks for getting back to me again apologise for the tardiness of my reply! I've read Gary's book, I've watched all five or six of his videos and the one long one he has that explains everything in one clip! I've also committed to a reboot journal on here but haven't been checking in quite as often, yet I have kept away from porn and masturbation since my last and only so far relapse! Hope all well with you, thanks again