I want to make this as short as possible only because I know when I have been reading posts I sometimes find it hard to read the very long ones. My story in a nutshell. 47 years old, been suffering from ed symptoms for 10 years now. I believe after stumbling onto this page that the MO could definitely be a factor but not positive of the P. I started masturbating at 14 and I think like most boys just went to town. I didn't really have much access to porn but the masturbation was something I did daily. Basically every morning it was like part of my waking up routine. ALLWAYS woke up with rock hard wood. This continued into my 20's when I met my wife and even after we were married at 27. I always had what I thought was a strong sex drive. I just needed to know the wife was in the mood and I was hard before I even got into bed. Around mid 30's is where my problems started and I wish I could give a definite sequence of events but I'm not even sure what happened first. I can say this, due to what I unfortunately have to admit was maybe boredom in my marriage and maybe a mid-life crisis I started frequenting strip clubs. I think it was because my wife was my only experience and I think deep down I felt I had missed out. Once I had the courage to get my first lap dance I was hooked. All these beautiful young girls... you get the picture. I had the financial ability to get the private dances etc. Then at around 37 something happened and I still cant say what was first. I woke up one morning after I had sex with my wife and had a sense of discomfort in the groin area. It continued for quite a while and due to embarrassment I didn't see the doctor for quite a while, probably more than a year. I thought it was muscular and would pass. I get diagnosed with non-bacterial prostatitis (if you don't know what it is be happy you never get it. Doctors don't know what causes it and have basically no real treatment). I'm going to say that after this is when the ed problems started. Now during this time I'm still doing the strip clubs and also started watching a lot of free porn on-line. I think I actually started because I was having a hard time getting hard during masturbation and I felt I needed some new fantasies to help me. I own my own business so I would spend quite a bit of time at work but usually just watching the short clips. I wasn't spending hours watching and masturbating like I read in so many other posts. Well I start having problems in the bedroom and start avoiding sex with my wife. Long story short, we end up divorced after 25 years together. I was stupid in not talking to her about my problem but was embarrassed and honestly I guess there were other problems in the marriage. But because of the prostatitis and also because I had a problem with depression I was always chasing other potential causes of the ed. Was it depression? Was it the medication for depression? Should I try another antidepressant? Should I try going off again? Is it the prostatitis causing my issues? round and round and round but no answers and no doctors that can help. Tried all the ed drugs but I can't honestly say they helped much. I'm told I have no physical reason to have ed. Good shape, no cholesterol, no heart problem etc etc etc Anyway during this whole time I'm still doing the clubs but I think at this point trying to find something to get me really excited. I would get erect but never 100% And also masturbating and I think a lot of times doing so and "testing" to see if it would work better. I'm definitely guilty of abusing the little guy even when he wasn't interested, if you know what I mean. So where am I now and what are my questions? Ive been divorced 3 years now. During that time I still frequented the clubs and picked up some of the girls. Beautiful, young, 20 somethings. I can get erect and penetrate but its never great and most times I have to finish off myself. Never that sense of WOW and excitement. Ive recently in the last few months stopped that stuff and met a real lady. We have had sex and its been about the same. She seems pleased but I'm really not. Erection is ok but not great. Sensation is very decreased. A couple times I finished the act "normally" I guess you would say but more than a few times had to help myself. So I guess is if there is anyone with a similar story in regards to the strip clubs meaning that they think the clubs more than online porn was more the root of the problem. Anyone else suffer from prostatitis? I think sometimes the reason my prostate was inflamed was because I was "forcing" the issue and over working the PC muscles to try and maintain an erection when it wasn't natural. Why don't ed drugs work for me? I know they say you need to be aroused but I am because I do get erect but just not all the way. Shouldn't the drugs get me to 100%?? I like this young lady and she likes me. I think I am re-booting because I'm no longer watching porn or going to clubs and I have cut out M almost 100% (have had some slips). Can I reboot with a girlfriend? Should I forget the drugs? Any input would be great. and PS, I do get morning wood the last couple years where as in the years when the ed was very bad it was almost never but the same as when I have sex. Erection is never 100% :-(
Please read - can anyone relate?
- Thread starter simbo67
- Start date
You need to quit the dancers, and the porn. I guarantee if you quit that crap you will get better. Stop using that stuff. Listen to gary wilson. Your brain on porn. You won't believe it. Everything will make so much sense. Please listen to all he has to say. You will be able to relate. Oh by the way...welcome . It's not an easy battle, but one that is worth it
I have been through the prostatitis. It is a fucking bitch. Here is the good news, I am completely cured. It was just another symptom of the same problem... sex addiction. My prostatitis would get really bad after I did something I felt really guilty about - like sleeping with a prostitute.
Ive been there with the strip clubs and porn. The answer to your question is they are the same thing. You must quit both.
It is possible to completely reboot without totally giving up real sex. I did it by giving up masterbation and porn but continued to have real sex. Some will say that the very best reboot is to completely give up all sex for at least 90 days. Either way, you must give up the porn and the strip clubs, and the masterbation.
The good news is that it is all completely curable, the ED, the prostatitis, etc. You just have to go the "hard" 90.
Good luck to you.
-P
Ive been there with the strip clubs and porn. The answer to your question is they are the same thing. You must quit both.
It is possible to completely reboot without totally giving up real sex. I did it by giving up masterbation and porn but continued to have real sex. Some will say that the very best reboot is to completely give up all sex for at least 90 days. Either way, you must give up the porn and the strip clubs, and the masterbation.
The good news is that it is all completely curable, the ED, the prostatitis, etc. You just have to go the "hard" 90.
Good luck to you.
-P
First of all thank you for the response. It means so much. I'm glad to hear you agree the prostatitis is related. Mine has diminished to almost non existent in the past couple years but always just a bit of a twinge. And maybe a bit of discomfort during sex. I haven't watched much porn at all in the past year or so and really don't have the urge. Partly I think because it didn't even get me excited anymore. I haven't been to the clubs in months now and cut way back in the masturbation. I've decided now that I need to cut it out completely. I'm just hoping I can get back that feeling of excitement about sex and really enjoy it. The woman I'm dating is beautiful and nice. A really good match. I want to continue to have sex with her but I also want to reboot. I'm glad you feel that's possible.
Did you have any experience with the ed drugs?
Did you have any experience with the ed drugs?
Dharmabum
Active Member
Hey Simbo,
I can relate on many levels. Short version: I'm 47, been MO'ing since teens and watching P since college. Ran into my first ED issues when my wife and I were trying to get pregnant. I think I panicked. Turned to P even more desperately for comfort which made things worse. Also went back to seeing a dominatrix who I had visited when I was single for years. That opened up Pandora's Box in more ways than one.
Got better for years, then hit another ED snag about 7 years ago, which has come back now and then ever since. I can almost always link the ED occurrences to this addiction. I start to feel guilty, shameful, like I'm hiding behaviors (watching porn, flirting on Facebook, going to kinky sites) and it builds. Eventually, my brain just takes over during sex with my wife and I flatline. I took Viagra on and off for a few years, and it helped some but it also caused me to get even more nervous during sex. I could feel my blood pulsing, my BP would rise, etc. And I'm a fairly healthy guy as well, so it was weird.
All this to say, I quit the ED pills. I have found in my most recent days of sobriety that my erections with my wife are rock solid, and I truly believe that it because I am (for the past month, so far) living free of the many traps that sapped my sexual energy. I don't get how it works, but my brain appears to be cooperating with my efforts to rewire. Not everyone has it happen so quickly, and that's not to say I may not hit a wall tomorrow, but for now, unplugging the fantasy machine (for me, porn, for you strip clubs) is a way to refocus your sexual mind and energy toward the person you most want to share that with.
I'm starting to has some prostate issues too for the first time, but so far, no medications. I'm also finding that my focus during sex is rerouting itself. I used to have to imagine some sorta kinky scenarios with my wife to get through sex, because that was my turn on. Now, while that's still a turn on for me, I am finding just being present with her is working, no bells or whistles being added on in my brain.
Bottom line, because I'm working harder out of the bedroom, I'm not having to work as hard in the bedroom.
I hope my somewhat similar journey helps you reconcile your situation. I wish you the best.
Keep posting and coming back here for inspiration, and to inspire others!
I can relate on many levels. Short version: I'm 47, been MO'ing since teens and watching P since college. Ran into my first ED issues when my wife and I were trying to get pregnant. I think I panicked. Turned to P even more desperately for comfort which made things worse. Also went back to seeing a dominatrix who I had visited when I was single for years. That opened up Pandora's Box in more ways than one.
Got better for years, then hit another ED snag about 7 years ago, which has come back now and then ever since. I can almost always link the ED occurrences to this addiction. I start to feel guilty, shameful, like I'm hiding behaviors (watching porn, flirting on Facebook, going to kinky sites) and it builds. Eventually, my brain just takes over during sex with my wife and I flatline. I took Viagra on and off for a few years, and it helped some but it also caused me to get even more nervous during sex. I could feel my blood pulsing, my BP would rise, etc. And I'm a fairly healthy guy as well, so it was weird.
All this to say, I quit the ED pills. I have found in my most recent days of sobriety that my erections with my wife are rock solid, and I truly believe that it because I am (for the past month, so far) living free of the many traps that sapped my sexual energy. I don't get how it works, but my brain appears to be cooperating with my efforts to rewire. Not everyone has it happen so quickly, and that's not to say I may not hit a wall tomorrow, but for now, unplugging the fantasy machine (for me, porn, for you strip clubs) is a way to refocus your sexual mind and energy toward the person you most want to share that with.
I'm starting to has some prostate issues too for the first time, but so far, no medications. I'm also finding that my focus during sex is rerouting itself. I used to have to imagine some sorta kinky scenarios with my wife to get through sex, because that was my turn on. Now, while that's still a turn on for me, I am finding just being present with her is working, no bells or whistles being added on in my brain.
Bottom line, because I'm working harder out of the bedroom, I'm not having to work as hard in the bedroom.
I hope my somewhat similar journey helps you reconcile your situation. I wish you the best.
Keep posting and coming back here for inspiration, and to inspire others!
Seems you are experiencing a lot of tension in your mind, but also groin. Learn how to relax.
- Learn reverse Kegels
- Drink a healthy amount of water and pee regularly (peeing actually performs a gentle prostate massage, although a massage performed by a doctor is also an option). Btw, pee sitting on the toilet instead of standing, this helps to relax the muscles
- Adjust your diet/fiber intake in order to have regular bowel movements (even twice per day), and keep your stool on the loose side (this will avoid extra pressure in the area)
- Avoid lengthy sexual arousal
- Stay warm (also, warmth applied to the area may also promote relaxation)
- Learn reverse Kegels
- Drink a healthy amount of water and pee regularly (peeing actually performs a gentle prostate massage, although a massage performed by a doctor is also an option). Btw, pee sitting on the toilet instead of standing, this helps to relax the muscles
- Adjust your diet/fiber intake in order to have regular bowel movements (even twice per day), and keep your stool on the loose side (this will avoid extra pressure in the area)
- Avoid lengthy sexual arousal
- Stay warm (also, warmth applied to the area may also promote relaxation)
Thought I would pass on some good news! As I said previously, I have stayed out of the strip clubs for months now and also have not watched any porn in months. Cut WAY back on the masturbation and haven't at all in a couple weeks. Well I have a very encouraging weekend with the new woman in my life. Went over Friday night after a long and tiring business trip and had some great sex! Then we also went out to a show Saturday night and back to my house and I was able to not only repeat the performance but also again the next morning. I feel almost like my old self. I will admit I am using the Cialis 5mg daily and also taking Zinc which I have found in the past to help my prostatitis etc.
Guys, hang in there! I believe now it can get better. I suffered ten years. And I'm kicking myself because all along it seemed to me that it was common sense that if a part of your body hurts or isn't functioning properly that you should rest it for a period of time. No different than a hurt arm or leg. But I just kept abusing the little guy because I would give it a little time and then want to "test it" to see if it was working any better. Either that or abusing it by masturbating to help me get to sleep. Bottom line, you can't FORCE arousal and pleasure. All you do is dampen the pathways to find that pleasure.
Guys, hang in there! I believe now it can get better. I suffered ten years. And I'm kicking myself because all along it seemed to me that it was common sense that if a part of your body hurts or isn't functioning properly that you should rest it for a period of time. No different than a hurt arm or leg. But I just kept abusing the little guy because I would give it a little time and then want to "test it" to see if it was working any better. Either that or abusing it by masturbating to help me get to sleep. Bottom line, you can't FORCE arousal and pleasure. All you do is dampen the pathways to find that pleasure.