ready2go
Active Member
I think we tend to be way too hard on ourselves, and its easy to do with all the messages we hear about ourselves over our lifetimes. You don't have to live in one country or another to have that same experience. My anger has been turned outward rather than on myself, and transforming the upset I often feel into a more useful emotion and energy is challenging, and I wish I had a bunch of answers. Guys find peace in meditation, prayer, walking in nature - all kinds of activities and places. I often think they are doing great and then they turn up here. That isn't a criticism in any way, it is just the realization of the reality that we all, no matter who we are, have tough times and very few people escaped unscathed and even when things seem to be going smoothly on the outside, there is turmoil behind the curtain, so to speak. If one thing I hope to learn while I'm on this forum, aside from how to regain my boners by not watching porn, is to how to live without anger at myself or others. The way the world is structured is so difficult to do this because we are disempowered at every turn, and must deal with forces - social forces, economic forces, political forces - not of or own making and yet we get stuck with them. We often think it will be better somehow, somewhere else. But it's the same everywhere. Regular people just want to live their lives with people around them they can love and who can and will love them back. We are looking for those people. They are looking for us. People doing hookups are generally looking for the same thing, although I get there are people who just want to sport fuck and not have any connections, or at least that is what they might say. Underneath they want that connection and aren't finding it either so they put up the whole facade. I wish I knew where to find those guys who want to settle into a long term relationship. But I think one thing I have learned about that. If we have the knowledge of ourselves, and live that, it will become known to others. Maybe its radiowaves or projection or whatever, I don' t know. Living porn-free opens up our sensitivity to those putting out the same message regardless of whether it is at work, at the market, at the gym, or the shoe store. We have to be open to receiving people's unspoken messages and then reply, either in language or vibration or a long look in the eyes. I'm blabbing on and on but putting yourself out there as we are doing I think will bring those people near us that we want to find. Hiding in our rooms behind the computer screen with images of people having all kinds of wild sex doesn't put us out there where those other guys are. I've come across some of the most amazing dudes right here on this site in the past two weeks (already!) that I've been here. I know there are people walking around near where I live my life that are just as amazing. I just haven't been open to seeing them because I've been spending my time whacking it in my house. I guess just getting out of the house and being where people are - places where we like to be, we should find like-minded guys. I don't know what I'm talking about, do I? lol Well at least my head is thinking, which it has not done before. I just hope some day soon my boner works and my sex drive returns because I'm going to need it.
For me, after my relapse, the biggest issue is trust. Trust that there's something better out there and that the reboot will work. And as you said, there's no alternative. Dope brain says: You can always go back to P. Rick and Patrick say: We will NEVER go back there 