Starting over with God's help - BLACKMAIL INCIDENT

[levonferguson]

Hi Everyone,

I have been a porn addict for 30 years. Today was the first step for finding peace.

I got on camera masturbating in a chat room. Someone threat to expose me online through blackmail. I paid the money but report it to the authorities. I realize for the 1st time in my life I had a problem. I suffer Bi Polar disorder. Masturbation and porn calms my anxiety attacks. Everyday it is a battle. I need true peace in my life. I love my family and I don't want to fall into despair. I found this online forum...which sounds amazing. I am looking forward to hear or share stories with anyone. One day at a time I will beat this addiction with God's help.

 

[challenged]

Welcome no name.  We're here to support each other, so don't hesitate to let us know how we can help you and support you.

You can beat this addiction!!

P.S.  As to the blackmail, it's interesting the different ways God will use something to get our attention and make us make a serious effort to turn our life around.

 

[Dharmabum]

Hi No Name,

I know that's scary.  We all are probably - in some way or another - capable of being blackmailed over something we've done b/c of our addiction.  That said, it's cruel for people to capitalize on others' weaknesses and addictions.  SOrry that happened to you.

It's a good reminder to all of us that we don't live in a vacuum, though.  Our actions can get out of hand real fast.  I know some of the female friends I flirted with on FB were married.  It was "just flirting", not serious sexy talk, but I would be horrified if i found my wife had such conversations online.  So, when we put actions into perspective, it sorta scares the force of reality back into us, rather than just letting us hover out there in fantasy land any longer.

All that to say, you've come to a good place to ground yourself, get some resources, and find others who can empathize and cheer you on.  We all have different backgrounds (straight, gay, married, single, spiritual, not-so-much, all ages, economic situations, etc)  But we all share a common desire:  to live in sobriety and sanity. 

You can do it.  I know bipolar disease adds another dimension to your challenges that some of us don't deal with.  But I am sure there are some on here that can relate.  Be honest with yourself about how you are doing and reach out here or to another trusted source when you feel the need to act out.  Sometimes just admitting it disempowers it a bit. 

One more tip:  the more you learn about what PMO does to your brain, the more prepared you'll be to take this on and rewire your brain to a healthier state.  So, read what is posted here, the resources recommended, etc - knowledge is power in this case, for sure.

Good luck.  Post often.  Keep going. 

 

[KennyPrester]

Hi No Name,

What you said about being blackmailed strikes close to home. Most of my addiction  has been either fantasies or magazines until high-speed internet was available, and not so much chat rooms. But since putting a filter on my computer years ago to try to control the porn, I would then resort to various social media for access to porn people posted.

And that sometimes led to flirting. And one of the women I flirted with had the most amazing, penetrating, beautiful eyes. The conversations online with her were extremely explicit. And she does not live far from me--I googled her enough to find out.

I would even dream about her at night.

But then, as I continued googling her, I came across her criminal records, which were extensive, and possibly violent, and involved others who were violent. If I had hooked up with her, not only would I have endangered my career and family and sanity--I might well have lost my life.

I still remember those eyes. And Facebook still brings her site up occasionally by accident, almost as a warning.

We are both of us doing the right thing to come to this site seeking rebooting and healing. We are "fearfully and wonderfully made," and it is amazing what we can overcome and accomplish. And it is miraculous to be given another chance, not just to "reset", but to grow stronger than before.

Kenny

 

[Feetfirst]

Welcome No Name. i'm very sorry to hear the suffering that you have incurred as a result of someone elses mean spirit. That must have been very scary for you, but well done for having the courage to at least report it. The upside is that as a result you find yourself here which may have saved yourself some years of suffering. In which case it will have been the greatest gift. Certainly it is offering you a window of of opportunity. There ismuch goodness to be found in this site use it frequently. I wish you all the best. FF